WEEKEND LIST: 5 GREATEST ATHLETES I EVER SAW *UPDATED*

I was keeping up with the Bay Hill Invitational golfing tourney online to see what Tiger was up to.  Turns out, he was up to his usual tricks.  He was having a "pedestrian" tournament - until today when he made up the deficit and now is tied for first.  Again.  He's won six tournaments in a row - and every event he has entered this year.  It made me think about if he was the best athlete I have ever seen.  

This is not just a collection of ESPN's Sports Century.  These are players I saw play on TV or in person.  So it reflects my bias.  I didn't watch much hockey, so putting Gretzky or Lemieux in there would be me just putting people I knew should be in there.  Also, sports like gymnastics and figure skating are hard because you may have some dominant people, but are this generation's any more amazing than last?  I don't know if you can make the argument that Kristi Yamaguchi is better or worse that Katarina Witt.  Both of them were great, but is one THAT MUCH better?  That's why the only skater on here never won anything of much importance (largely due to racism on the judges part - not even kidding.)

Honorable Mention (6-20, no order)

• Andre Agassi - Anyone who can intentionally lose a set (6-0, too) of the Wimbledon Finals to conserve energy and win the title deserves some mention.  Especially if they still are in the Semifinals of the US Open at 38.
  
• Lawrence Taylor - He was so fast when the league wasn't yet.  His sack of Joe Theisman that shattered his leg demonstrated his ferocity and speed - and was a major gross out moment of my childhood.
  
• Surya Bonaly - French ice skater.  Only person who ever completed a flip and landed on one leg.  You should watch her on You Tube.  She skated like a guy and the skating community hated her for it.
  
• Lance Armstrong - He was the best mountain racer AND the best sprinter and won seven Tour de Frances in a row.
  
• Herschel Walker - People forget how great he was.  From 1980 to 1990 he was a force of nature.  He was the first real workout freak in football.
  
• Magic Johnson - Amazing court vision and game knowledge.  Why isn't he coaching?
  
• Carl Lewis - He won nine gold medals and one silver over the span of three Olympics - as a sprinter and long jumper.
  
• Michael Johnson - This dude was a freak as a runner.  Totally unbelievable and unbeatable.
  
• Deion Sanders
  
• Steve Young
  
• Martina Navratilova
• Mike Tyson - He won the heavyweight title in 63 seconds.  How do you do something like that?
  
• Jerry Rice
  
• Julius Erving
  
• Barry Bonds - Steroids or not, he was an amazing hitter.

5. Barry Sanders - I remember one game, Barry was racing up the sideline.  The Lions were playing the Steelers.  Rod Woodson was the All-Pro defensive back for Pittsburgh - widely considered best in the NFL.  Sanders came running up and Woodson prepped for the tackle.  Next thing you know, Sanders is on his way to the end zone and Woodson had blown his ACL.  Sanders literally juked him out of his knee.  At least Woodson had an excuse for missing the tackle.  Sanders spent his career making everyone look like an idiot.  He turned a mediocre Lions team into a feared opponent.  His college record for yards in a season still stands - and was set in four less games than whoever breaks it will have played in (over 2600 yards in just 11 games).

4. Larry Bird - I could not STAND Bird.  He was my least favorite player ever.  I thought he was dirty and arrogant.  There would be nothing better to me than leaving him off this list.  But to do so would only highlight my ignorance.  As I read Bill Simmons, I realize even more how amazing Bird was.  I don't remember every detail.  I just remember that game after game that should have been a loss for those blasted Celtics would turn into a victory because Bird hit some shot that shouldn't have gone in.  He could pass, defend, shoot like crazy.  Just not dunk - except for that one All Star Game.

3. Bo Jackson - What could have been.  Jackson could have been the greatest player ever.  If that hip had held up.  He was an All Star in both baseball and football.  He had amazing home run power and then would run right over players in football.  I saw him in college, and hated it when he played Georgia.  Then he spurned football to play baseball.  I always have wondered what would have happened if he had been able to keep playing.  Where would he have ended up?  Probably at the top of this list.

2. Tiger Woods - It is weird saying that a golfer is the greatest athlete or whatever.  They hit a tiny ball around a course.  But he is so dominant.  It is ridiculous.  Some of what he has done is just incredible - from winning major events with an 18 under par to winning by 12 strokes at other majors.  And he is so young.  He's won 66 tournaments (or something like that) and he's 32.  Add to that the sick money ($100 million from Nike alone).  Gooooo.

1. Michael Jordan - It is going to take a supreme effort to ever top this guy.  I have seen him do things that no human should be able to do.  He hung in midair, hustled on both ends of the court, and could stick a dagger in your heart.  The amazing thing was that he was Defensive Player of the Year several times, although he was known as a scorer.  He played one of his finest games when horribly ill with the flu.  I can't even limit his greatest plays to ten.  Anytime he was on the court, Chicago had a chance and you didn't change the station.

WEEKEND LIST: 5 MOVIES THAT SAMUEL JACKSON HAD NO BUSINESS MAKING

In honor of Jumper, one of the worst movies I have seen in the theater in years, I decided to come up with a list of some of Samuel L. Jackson's worst movie choices.  I haven't seen all of these because I am a discriminating movie watcher.  My point about it is, Samuel L Jackson (with the possible exception of Christopher Walken) has the absolute weirdest taste in movie roles.  He has no problem signing on for complete idiocy - even though he is a really good actor and can do some amazing work (A Time to Kill, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown).

5. Loaded Weapon 1 - This 1993 satire of the Lethal Weapon series starred Jackson opposite Emilio Estevez.  It was so stupid.  I honestly cannot even remember any details of the movie.  I do distinctly remember one detail - I did not laugh during it.  Bad sign for a satire.  We need to cut Sam some slack here, though.  He had not really hit it big yet.  He had been in a few bigger roles, but his big breakout didn't come until the next year with Pulp Fiction.

4. Formula 51 - Jackson plays a master chemist in this 2002 mess.  Let's see.  He is a master chemist who has comes up with a drug 51 times more powerful than any high in history.  And he has cornrows.  And wears a kilt.  And ends up in England with Robert Carlyle.  Yeah, who can explain why it didn't set box office records.

3. The Man - It's 2005 and the movie industry just couldn't wait for the dream pairing of Samuel L Jackson and ... Eugene Levy?!?!  Everything about this movie seemed stupid.  There was nothing even remotely interesting.  Its $8 million haul and 12 rating seemed to show that everyone was equally down on the film.  I mean, when you receive comments like the following, you know you hit gold:  "Worthless movie."  "Utterly and fantastically boring and without purpose."  "This movie is completely unnecessary."

2. xXx: State of the Union - Okay. The original xXx starring Vin Diesel was stupid enough - trying to reboot the whole spy movie thing and combining it with Xtreme sports.  Jackson's character was superfluous and so beneath a C-List actor.  So coming back for the 2005 sequel - which even Diesel was smart enough to bail on - well that's just plain goofy.

1. The Long Kiss Goodnight - You have just come off of three of your biggest hits and best roles.  It seems natural for someone like Jackson to headline a big action film.  But, he just happened to pick one of the dumbest action film in the entire 1990s.  And that is saying a lot!  The movie stars Geena Davis as a housewife who begins to remember that she used to be a ... superstar assassin.  Jackson is a detective who helps her to figure out what is going on.  The movie is so stupid.  And it inexplicably turns ultra-violent at one point.  In addition, it has one of the five most ridiculous action scenes ever, as Jackson and Davis outrun a grenade explosion down a hall and jump out a window  Led me to one of my funnier lines, though.  "I guess that explosions aren't as fast as they used to be."

I know you probably expected to see Snakes on a Plane on the list.  But, even though the movie was horrendous, who else really could have done that role?  It isn't like he shouldn't have taken it and left it to someone else - DMX or Common come to mind.  He was the only choice.  The same goes for Die Hard 3.  Those weren't bad career moves.  And neither were the Star Wars Abominations 1-3.  This list is of movies he should have just bailed on.  And in time, I'm sure that Jumper will take its rightful place.

WEEKEND LIST: 5 MOVIES THAT AGED POORLY

Ah the wonder of the movies.  You get a wonderful idea, go through the whole process of getting the film made, release it, drink in your success.  Then twenty years later, you go back and watch it.  I personally believe that the true classics will either be just as moving and relevant in that twenty-year anniversary watching - or even better.  And then you have those movies that are just a complete joke.  At one point, they were somewhat enjoyed or respected.  (Which eliminated Virtuosity, Johnny Mnemonic, Judge Dredd, etc) At some point, something happened.  Some of them are left behind for technological reasons, others for cultural, others for acting.  Whatever the reason, some movies just do not stand the test of time.  For every Quiz Show or Schindler's List that age like a fine wine or premium steak, you have others - like these five - that age like a cheap pile of bologna or an open can of Sprite.

1 - THE NET - 1995 - This Sandra Bullock movie is shockingly bad - now.  I remember watching it when it first came out, back when the interwebs were still in their fledgling state.  The thought of someone ordering pizza online?  How shocking.  I left the film with a sense of worry, wondering if anyone really could do what was portrayed.  Now, I put more information on my Facebook account than the villains in this movie were able to retrieve.  This is movie that was cutting edge in its topic, but just got passed by innovation.  Don't feel bad, Sandra, lots of movies get burned by this.

2 - THE SAINT - 1997 - Val Kilmer was the dashing Simon Templar and Elisabeth Shue was the brilliant scientist (huh?) in this movie update of the classic spy television show.  I remember watching the movie and loving it.  Kilmer was so cool and ahead of the bad guys.  Shue was white hot, coming off of her Oscar nominated performance in Leaving Las Vegas.  There was suspense, romance, science, and a wicked cool new Volvo.  I watched this last night.  Good golly.  The dialogue sounded like rejected soap opera lines written by a non-WGA scribe.  The science was just stupid.  But what stunned me was the horrible acting.  I remember when America thought that Kilmer and Shue were good actors.  But watching them again, I realized that they were terrible.  Heather at one point looked at me and asked if there was a story-based reason why Shue was playing the scientist as a flighty air-head bimbo.  Sadly, I had to say, "No, that serves no purpose."  Even the car seemed dated.  Thanks to the Bourne trilogy, even the suspense and espionage seemed ridiculous.  Made me want to go and apologize to everyone who I recommended the film to over the last few years.

3 - STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE - 1979 - I know I stand on dangerous ground, daring to take shots at Star Trek.  I mean, it is Star Trek, and it was nominated for three Oscars.  But come on, this film was sketchy when it came out.  And it gets worse every year.  Now it HAS to be considered a comedy.  I mean, after the subsequent Star Trek series, we are seriously supposed to be threatened by a giant Simon game as a villain.  And the questions that a new viewer would ask.  Why is everyone in their jammies?  What is Brittney Spears doing in this movie?  Why is Rev. Camden getting uppity with Captain Kirk?  Did they forget to take the soft focus filter off the cameras?  Why did they actually go backwards in their technological advances as time went on?  Were these special effects by a teenager on his Mac?  It is a miracle this franchise survived.

4 - DANCES WITH WOLVES - 1990 - This movie is a perfect example of how an actor's later personal behaviors affect how a film is viewed.  In 1990, Kevin Costner was at the top of the acting world.  This film was smack in the middle of a nine picture winning streak to rival anyone in cinema history.  And Costner did one better by directing and everything.  It was like awards couldn't be thrown at the film fast enough.  Twelve Oscar nominations.  Seven Oscar wins, including Best Director and Picture.  It was a great, sweeping epic.  But Costner seemed to go on a ego-trip, partly as a result of it.  He went on to a much less successful streak, and some very questionable projects - especially the huge money pit Waterworld.   Now, films like this and JFK were seen not as masterpieces, but as an ego-stroking cheap version of history.  This was further reinforced by Costner himself, who just became unlikeable and narcissistic.  

5 - WAYNE'S WORLD 2 - 1993 - Most comedies can age pretty well.  I mean, if kicking someone in the groin is funny in 1950, it is going to be funny in 2020, right?  But in this case, this movie does not come close.  The original film was funny and original and (unfortunately) launched the Saturday Night Live movie mine.  But the sequel was everything the first was not - it was bloated and plodding and too orchestrated.  The producers figured by jamming the movie with celebrities and cameos, it would make up for a severe lack of plot or humor.  Instead, the whole movie just continues to disappoint.  When it came out, the characters and actors were popular enough it got a free pass for a while.  Now, if someone watches it, they will have no idea why the movie got made.  The first one had organic laughs and felt natural.  The second one could have been called "The Contractually Obligated Wayne's World Sequel."

WEEKEND LIST: 5 FAVORITE SUPER BOWL MEMORIES

The Super Bowl is this Sunday!  Since I really don't have an active rooting interest in either team (although I would love to see the Pats go 19-0 to shut up those smarmy Dol-fans), I plan on doing what I do every year -- enjoying the spectacle of it all.  Oddly enough, when thinking about my five favorite Super Bowl Memories, most of them didn't involve a game.

1 - THE CARD TABLE AND PUBLIX PIZZA - Growing up we had a steadfast rule: you couldn't eat in the TV Room.  Well, mainly meals were included in that edict.  We would snack or eat ice cream, but my dad was never even too keen on those.  Often he would eat his snack at the dining room table.  As years went on, this rule eroded.  But for my formative childhood years, we never ate dinner in the TV room - except on Super Bowl Sunday.  My dad would come up with a bunch of snacks that he made.  We were allowed to pick TV dinners at Publix (another no-no at our house) or my mom would buy cold pizzas from the Publix deli case and we wold cook those.  We got the card table out and set it up in the TV room and ate dinner in there.  To this day, this is my favorite Super Bowl memory - and the first thing that pops in my head when I think of the Big Game.

2 - SUPER BOWL 27 AT THE WILD PIZZA - I had gone away to college at UCF and this was my first Super Bowl away from home.  Watching the game was a huge tradition for our family and I was missing the chance to be home.  What made it worse was that I was a lifelong Cowboys fan and they were playing in the Big Game against the Buffalo Bills.  Over the past few years, my brother's favorite team (Redskins - twice) and my dad's favorite team (Bears) had won the title.  But my team had not won since 1978, which I was way too young to remember.  [The first Super Bowl I remembered watching was 1981.]  Well, UCF was having a Super Bowl viewing party at The Wild Pizza (on campus restaurant).  It was free and up on the big movie screen.  My roommate Matt and I went and watched the whole thing - basically the last people to leave.  Thus began my new stage of SB watching - watching the Game at big Super Bowl Parties.

3 - SUPER BOWL 34 CHILI COOKOFF - This was my last Super Bowl in Tampa.  I had helped plan the Super Bowl parties at the BCM at USF for the previous three years.  This one, I took the lead on planning one for my church.  We had a churchwide chili and hot wing cookoff.  Then we subsidized with other snacks and food items.  After watching the game with a bunch of college students for the last, um, seven years, it was different to have people of all ages there.  It was a raging success.  I felt so good about being able to pull off an event like that for all ages.  And the game was amazing - with Tennessee coming up about a yard short in their upset bid against the Rams.  I felt very grown up.  I was about to get engaged (in Feb) and married (in Aug).  I had successfully made the transition to integral staff member at the church.  And I felt I really knew what I was doing with the college group.  Little did I know that by the end of this year, I would no longer be working at this church (or anywhere) and be expecting our first child.

4 - SUPER BOWL 38 AT TONEY'S HOUSE - With the exception of the first half of SB 39, I had now moved back into watching the games at homes.  I was tired of trying to watch with 100 people screaming.  I love commercials and the entire game - halftime show included.  Well, a bunch of the parties would turn non-game time off for giveaways or sermons.  So I was back to watching the game.  Toney had an awesome food spread, Natalie was just a little baby, and Josiah actually was watching some of the game (not much, but some).  It was another great game, too.  The Patriots barely pulled it out.  But this was the whole "Did you just see that?" Game.  I thought the halftime show was actually really good.  And then all of the sudden, "DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?"  Half of us had caught what happened and half had not.  As Lewis Black has brilliantly and hillariously commented in his stand-up on the issue, Janet Jackson for a split second revealed herself.  And nothing was ever the same on television.  (Wait a minute, that was a favorite memory?)

5 - SUPER BOWL 20 WHEN THE BEARS WON - I have had my favorite team win the Big Game four times in my life (3 for Dallas, 1 for Tampa - after the big switch in my allegiance).  My dad was a different story.  He was 56 years old and had rooted for the Chicago Bears for as long as he could remember.  This storied franchise had never even BEEN TO the Super Bowl.  His beloved Celtics had won before, but the Bears had never come close.  So in 1985, the Bears were the most dominant team I have ever seen (ever - even to this date - they would have destroyed the Patriots this year).  Their only loss came to the Dolphins on a Monday Night game - ironically the first professional game my dad ever went to.  So when the game came on, I was rooting for the Bears harder than I had ever rooted for a team in my life.  I wanted this for my dad.  I had been actively watching Super Bowls for six years, and I knew how much it meant to see your team win.  And my dad was so excited.  He was not often a happy man.  Much of the time he was kind of emotionless - and would mostly break that for burst of anger or unhappiness.  But on occasion he would bust into a huge belly laugh that wouldn't stop or actually get excited about something.  This game was one of those times.  And as we watched the Bears absolutely humiliate the Patriots, he enjoyed every second.  All the way until the team lifted both Mike Ditka and defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan up on their shoulders when the title was won.  Honestly, I think I enjoyed that win more than even the four of my team.  I was spoiled - I cheered for teams that did well often.  I didn't know what it was like to cheer twenty or thirty years for a team that never won.  I was just so happy for my dad that he was able to finally see that.  Even though I hated the Bears.

WEEKEND LIST: 5 MOST ANNOYING SPORTS ANALYSTS

This is one new feature I want to start - the Weekend List.  They may be silly, they may be serious.  But hopefully they will be somewhat interesting and fun.  Here's the first one.

5 MOST ANNOYING SPORTS ANALYSTS

This is kind of a follow-up to my point on the End of the Year Sports list - where I mentioned how ridiculous ESPN had become.  I find myself so irritated by the new face of sports analysis.  Hardly anyone gives true breakdowns any more - they all need to have a gimmick and an angle and a story.  Sometimes, I just want to know the basics without weird sound effects, antagonistic positions, and screaming.  

1 - SKIP BAYLESS - ESPN - Have you ever been around someone who just likes to argue?  They intentionally try to get you going, just so they have something to fight about?  That is Bayless.  He intentionally picks the most asinine position just to start a fight.  And, like most of these goofy analysts, he is adamant he is right.  The problem is, he's never right.  He could not be more wrong.  He could try, but he would not succeed.  Yet ESPN keeps on promoting him and giving him new arenas to mouth off.  This is one of those people who make me wish I were deaf.

2 - COLIN COWHERD - ESPN RADIO - A few years ago, ESPN Radio had the Tony Kornheiser Show around lunch.  I would listen to it every day on my way home to eat.  He left to do other stuff, and they replaced him with Cowherd.  Now, most influential sportswriters are from the Northeast or Chicago - he's from Portland.  He's lived in Seattle, Portland, Vegas.  And he's always touting West Coast everything.  He's arrogant and thinks he is smarter than everyone.  People who don't agree with him are called "mouth breathers" and "rednecks."  He repeats himself all the time.  He is always repeating himself.  But he says the dumbest stuff.  For example, he said every time a Whole Foods Grocery moves into town, every single other grocery store in the area closes down.  Really?  Is that so?  The Publix a half mile away from the only Whole Foods in Orlando would like to say you are, again, wrong.

3 - EMMITT SMITH - ESPN'S FOOTBALL COVERAGE - I loved Emmitt when he was playing for the Cowboys.  And I even wanted him to win Dancing with the Stars.  But when it comes to analyzing football, he is one of the worst I ever heard.  He screws up even simple points.  "He owns the league record for this, and the team record as well."  He is awkward and clumsy.  He goes to prove that just because you can run fast doesn't mean you can think fast.

4 -  AL TRAUTWIG - NBC OLYMPICS - Every time Trautwig is covering an event, it feels like it should be a Lifetime Original Movie.  Every single person has a back story that has to be told.  The event itself has to be so dramatic that we all are in constant suspense.  And, even after years of announcing gymnastics, triathlons, and more, it still seems like he is border-line clueless about the actual rules and specifics of the sport.  There are times I watch the events muted to avoid his schmaltz.

5 - STEPHEN A. SMITH - ESPN - DID YOU NOTICE THAT THIS ENTIRE LIST WAS PRETTY MUCH MADE UP BY ESPN PERSONALITIES!!!  DO YOU WONDER WHY THAT IS?  I THINK IT IS BECAUSE SECRETLY DAVID STAPLES HATES DISNEY EMPLOYEES!  WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!?!  WELL OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT NETWORK CONGLOMERATES.  DAVID STAPLES IS HORRIBLE!  I HAVE A HUGE MOUTH AND YELL ABOUT EVERYTHING!  FOR SOME REASON I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BE THE URBAN VOICE!  

For those of you who don't know who that last one is, he yells all the time.  Just watch some NBA on ESPN and you'll see.

Well, I hope you all have a good week.  I'll pop in and out with postings.