Feb 17, 2008


In honor of Jumper, one of the worst movies I have seen in the theater in years, I decided to come up with a list of some of Samuel L. Jackson's worst movie choices.  I haven't seen all of these because I am a discriminating movie watcher.  My point about it is, Samuel L Jackson (with the possible exception of Christopher Walken) has the absolute weirdest taste in movie roles.  He has no problem signing on for complete idiocy - even though he is a really good actor and can do some amazing work (A Time to Kill, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown).

5. Loaded Weapon 1 - This 1993 satire of the Lethal Weapon series starred Jackson opposite Emilio Estevez.  It was so stupid.  I honestly cannot even remember any details of the movie.  I do distinctly remember one detail - I did not laugh during it.  Bad sign for a satire.  We need to cut Sam some slack here, though.  He had not really hit it big yet.  He had been in a few bigger roles, but his big breakout didn't come until the next year with Pulp Fiction.

4. Formula 51 - Jackson plays a master chemist in this 2002 mess.  Let's see.  He is a master chemist who has comes up with a drug 51 times more powerful than any high in history.  And he has cornrows.  And wears a kilt.  And ends up in England with Robert Carlyle.  Yeah, who can explain why it didn't set box office records.

3. The Man - It's 2005 and the movie industry just couldn't wait for the dream pairing of Samuel L Jackson and ... Eugene Levy?!?!  Everything about this movie seemed stupid.  There was nothing even remotely interesting.  Its $8 million haul and 12 rating seemed to show that everyone was equally down on the film.  I mean, when you receive comments like the following, you know you hit gold:  "Worthless movie."  "Utterly and fantastically boring and without purpose."  "This movie is completely unnecessary."

2. xXx: State of the Union - Okay. The original xXx starring Vin Diesel was stupid enough - trying to reboot the whole spy movie thing and combining it with Xtreme sports.  Jackson's character was superfluous and so beneath a C-List actor.  So coming back for the 2005 sequel - which even Diesel was smart enough to bail on - well that's just plain goofy.

1. The Long Kiss Goodnight - You have just come off of three of your biggest hits and best roles.  It seems natural for someone like Jackson to headline a big action film.  But, he just happened to pick one of the dumbest action film in the entire 1990s.  And that is saying a lot!  The movie stars Geena Davis as a housewife who begins to remember that she used to be a ... superstar assassin.  Jackson is a detective who helps her to figure out what is going on.  The movie is so stupid.  And it inexplicably turns ultra-violent at one point.  In addition, it has one of the five most ridiculous action scenes ever, as Jackson and Davis outrun a grenade explosion down a hall and jump out a window  Led me to one of my funnier lines, though.  "I guess that explosions aren't as fast as they used to be."

I know you probably expected to see Snakes on a Plane on the list.  But, even though the movie was horrendous, who else really could have done that role?  It isn't like he shouldn't have taken it and left it to someone else - DMX or Common come to mind.  He was the only choice.  The same goes for Die Hard 3.  Those weren't bad career moves.  And neither were the Star Wars Abominations 1-3.  This list is of movies he should have just bailed on.  And in time, I'm sure that Jumper will take its rightful place.

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