Florida's Bowling Gutter Ball

What in the world has happened to college football in the state of Florida?  Once upon a time, there were three college football programs in the state that routinely challenged for the national title.  Then there was a boom of secondary programs that made waves and ended up in bowls at the end of the year.  But this year, well, this year is pathetic.
You have just three state schools in a bowl - UF, FSU, and FIU.  But that doesn't fairly represent the situation.  UF ended up 6-6, barely finishing bowl eligible.  They got a New Year's Day bowl bid.  But it was Jacksonville's Gator Bowl - and the possibility of filling the stadium with swarms of local fans combined with the tasty Ohio State matchup (Urban Meyer's former and future teams) was too much to pass up.  FSU is the Champs Bowl in Orlando against Notre Dame (another matchup that looks better due to history than to this year's performance).  And FIU...  Let's be honest no one cares about FIU.  They had the best record of any team in the state.  But I don't know anyone who gives a rip about them.

How did things fall so badly?  How did we get from national championships to barely .500?  This year was even more insulting because hopes started out so high.  FSU was nationally ranked.  UCF was predicted by some to run the table and challenge for a "real bowl" bid.  UF is UF, so they were expected to do well.  There were some promising players that showed flashes of brilliance last year.  You would think they would develop this year into something more special.  BJ Daniels, Jeffrey Godfrey, EJ Manuel.  All three of them seemingly regressed, rather than advanced in their development.  (Godfrey got benched by the end of the year and is now considering transferring, unhappy that he has to compete for the starting job again.)  What went wrong?

Florida is blessed with an embarrassment of riches when it comes to high school and college football.  I would argue that Florida has the best high school football in the country.  At the very least it is on par with the other big states (Texas, California).  In addition, the colleges here have the reputation to also pull from other states like Georgia and Illinois and Alabama.  There is a consistent pipeline of talent to keep the big colleges full.  However, with the emergence of other schools, that pipeline is now diverted into other rosters.

It used to be that the best players would go to UF, FSU, and UM - with a few of the stars getting pilfered by Michigan State or Ohio State or Georgia.  These were the four and five star high school athletes.  After that class, you had the two and three star guys.  Now, they would also sign with UF, FSU, and UM to be backups.  There was always a chance that there would be an injury to a starter or academic problems.  Or these kids would bulk up and get better with better training and coaching.  So, by their junior and senior year, they would be in line for a starting spot - or at least good playing time.  The general mindset was that it was better to be second or third string at UF than starting at UCF.

As these secondary schools (UCF, USF, FIU, FAU) grew their programs that mindset started to change.  For a kid looking at schools, it wasn't so cut and dry any more.  You didn't have to be a Gator or a Nole to get national exposure.  UCF plays on some ESPN station four times a year.  Thanks to the Conference USA's willingness to play on Thursdays and Fridays, their colleges are on national television for half the season.  As a UCF fan, I was able to watch every one of their games on tv this year.  Four of those games were on Brighthouse Television (since they are the sponsor of the UCF stadium).  But the rest were on ESPN and CBS Sports.  The same goes for USF and FIU and FAU.  They get national exposure.  In addition, USF has crashed the national polls several times in the last few years.  They knocked off some big name teams (FSU, Notre Dame).  They got lots of airplay.  And, all four of those schools have received bowl bids.  (USF was in seven bowls straight before this year.)  The playing field wasn't so different now.

Some of those two and three star athletes started to think differently about that old belief.  It may NOT be better to be a backup at a BCS school.  You started to see guys like Godfrey and Daniels sign at other places than you might have expected.  Daniels was from Tallahassee.  His lifelong goal was to play for FSU.  But there he was as a freshman, knocking FSU off while wearing the Green and Gold of USF.  Daniels was a lock for UM.  They payed some good hookers to make sure of that.  Instead, he went to UCF and started as a freshman.  For those guys, the opportunities were better at a slightly smaller program.  They still would get national exposure, get bowl game experience, have an outside shot at the pros.  And they wouldn't have to wait until their junior year to get it.

So here's where you see the first issue - the dilution of talent.  UF, FSU, and UM don't have a stranglehold on recruiting any more.  The massive talent pool is being spread out to seven schools instead of three.  That obviously is going to affect things.  Sure, the big guys are still getting amazing recruiting classes.  They still are pulling in tons of big name kids.  The problem is that they aren't getting the high quality backups.  My friend Eddie, who is a major Gator fan and understand sports way better than me, once explained the different between UF and UCF baseball to me.  He said that in college baseball, pitching is the key.  UCF's first and second pitchers can match up with the 1/2 guys anywhere in the country.  The problem is that UF's 3-5 guys are also as good as UCF's 1/2 guys.  UCF's 3-5 guys are where the problem comes.  So UCF can win those regular season games against UM and UF because they are 1 vs 1 or 1 vs 5 with pitchers.  But in the playoffs, when the depth matters, UCF always gets drummed out.  (It has proven true every year.)

That same thing can be applied to football.  UCF and the others can always make a go at it when it is starters vs. starters.  You add in the fact that to a team like UCF, playing a BCS team is the biggest game of the season - and to that BCS team, UCF is just a speed bump to the "real" games.  So UCF will be amped up and prepared and the other team won't be.  So in the first half, UCF will stay tight and play hard and may even lead at halftime.  But as the emotional high wears down, and the depth begins to be the more important element, the big name school pulls away.  This happened so many times over the years that I could almost plot out the moments when each step would happen.  I watched UCF "play tough" against Nebraska, Georgia, FSU, Auburn, Virginia Tech, South Carolina and then ultimately lose.  Sure, they would sneak a win out against a big team when they were horrible (like Alabama in 1999).  But those big teams' depth would win out.

Lately, that hasn't happened.  USF doesn't wilt in the second half.  UCF doesn't always let the win slip away.  They beat the big teams more often.  In fact, they have problems winning the games they should win.  USF has no problem knocking off a top 25 team.  It is Rutgers and Cincinnati they can't beat.  UCF loses stupid games to Southern Miss and FIU - after they destroy Boston College.  You also see where UF, FSU, and UM doesn't have the depth they used to have any more.  They still have fabulous NFL-ready starters.  But when an injury happens, the cupboard is bare down the depth chart.  This was UF's big issue this year.  I think they started a ball boy at quarterback one game.  The talent is more distributed.

But there are two other major issues, as I see it.  The first of those kind of mimics what was going on in the NBA a few years ago.  They had so many players jumping straight to the pros from high school that the league was suffering.  These kids have the talent to play in the NBA, but they don't have the strength, the discipline, the full body of skills.  If they would have gone to college, some coach would have developed that stuff.  Or they would have flamed out like so many playground legends before them.  The college level either enhanced what was there or exposed it.  When you took a player like Kwame Brown and threw him right into the pros, he flamed out.  Why?  Well, he probably shouldn't have been there.  If he had gone to college, he would have either gotten more coaching and training and entered the league as a better player.  Or he would have never been drafted because people would have realized he sucked.  (I voted for the second.)  Instead, he got into the league too early, had too many expectations on him, and bombed.  Yes, you are going to have some freaks like LeBron and Dwight Howard and Kobe who can make the jump and immediately be an All-Star at 18.  But you also have a lot of guys like Tyson Chandler and Sebastian Telfair who could have used more development.  And a lot of those players never were the same without that.

I think the same thing is happening with some of these guys like Godfrey and Daniels.  In the old days, they would have gone to FSU and UM and sat the bench for two years.  They would have learned, bulked up, gotten coached.  And then when they got their chance, they would have been ready for it.  Or they never would have because they were actually head cases and the coach realized that.  Instead, they went to a school where they could start right away.  Their insane talent made them successes.  When they made stupid mistakes, it was written off to "they are a true freshman and still learning."  But, in their second year, they still made a lot of stupid mistakes.  Opposing defenses were more prepared for them.  And the weight of expectations made them buckle.  I think with both players they never should have been starting. They weren't ready.  They still thought like a high schooler - improvising, relying on talent and dumb luck.  They never learned it is sometimes better to take a sack or throw it away than try to force something.  So they throw killer interceptions, fumble at the worst time, and get frustrated easily.

The same thing happened at the big schools.  They didn't have as deep of a roster to pull from so they were forced to start players too early.  And their quarterbacks, receivers, defensive backs weren't really ready either.  Ten years ago, they wouldn't be playing at all as freshmen.  They would have been red shirted.  They would have rode the bench for two more years.  And then they would have busted out of the gate their junior year with all the frustration that comes from sitting for three years.  Instead, they were forced to play as freshmen and sophomores and weren't quite ready.

The other big issue comes from the turmoil this states has undergone lately.  Look at the coaching situations for the Florida schools in just the past three years:

• UF - Urban Meyer quits, comes back, quits again.  His top assistants all leave to coach other schools.  Will Muschamp is a rookie coach.  Meyer gets hired by Ohio State.  UF also gets a lot of press for player arrests.
• FSU - Bobby Bowden is forced out.  Jimbo Fisher comes in with a completely different attitude.  Instead of laid back, FSU, it is a clone of Nick Saban's corporate, prickly, jerkwad programs.  FSU, as usual, is in the news for players being arrested.
• UM - Randy Shannon is fired.  Al Golden is hired.  (I had to look that up.)  In addition, the schools is wracked with scandal and kept themselves out of a bowl game.
• UCF - Coaching is somewhat stable.  But the Athletic Director and WR coach are fired for illegal recruiting.  The school is going to face NCAA sanctions as a second time offender (already in trouble for problems just two years ago).  They lose a multi-million dollar case for basically running a player to death.  And the team fluctuates between winning and sucking every year.
• USF - Founding coach Jim Leavitt is fired for physically assaulting a player.  Plus they are in the Big East, which is as stable as a fault line.
• FIU - no one cares.
• FAU - The team never had much traction.  But now, founding coach Howard Schnellenberger retired after the season.

NCAA sanctions, new coaches, conference upheaval.  Sounds like a great place to go to school, right?  Kids aren't stupid.  They will overlook those problems if the future looks bright.  But, for most of these schools, do you think they are the verge of righting the ship?  I have a feeling for all of these (except FIU) that things may get worse before they get better.  UCF is going to get slammed by the NCAA.  If they have another bad season, O'Leary is gone.  UM still hasn't heard the last of hooker-gate.  The Meyer Ohio State hiring may hurt UF with transfers and recruiting leaning up north.  FSU seems like they just can't get it together.  USF is the only school that never had a suitor in the Big East exodus earlier.  In addition, the schools surrounding the state of Florida keep getting stronger.  LSU and Alabama are in the national title game this year.  Georgia seems to be back on track.  Georgia Tech made a run at the conference title this year.  Auburn won the title last year.  If I was coming out of high school and had to pick between a school that may not be allowed to play in a bowl, one with coaching turmoil, or a stable program with national title hopes a few miles north - I would seriously have to consider those other places.  I think this is going to be a tough stretch for Florida college football.  How long that lasts remains to be seen.  For now, though, Florida sports fans will have to get used to being in an unfamiliar place - looking up at the pack.

Trouble in Tally

I wrote this for my fantasy football site after USF humiliated FSU last week. In light of the defeat at the hands of Boston College, I decided to post it on my blog, too. Being up in Tallahassee for this football season, I am paying attention more to the Seminoles. I'm not able to keep up as well with UCF as I wish, so I have to settle for FSU.

And settle really is the right word for it. It really made me wonder what is going on up here. Leading up to the USF/FSU game, there was a lot of smack talk between the USF and FSU camps. It sounded like a little brother mouthing off to big bro - with the older sibling about to drop a Big Stinky Leg Drop on the little punk. But it turned out that the little guy had been doing HGH and Steroid cycles while gone to college and the big guy had been doing keg stands. So there was a beating, but not what anyone expected. The game wasn't even as close as the score indicated. Remember USF missed two field goals and one of FSU's scores was a result of a micro-field.

What made it all even worse - and something echoed by the announcers on ESPN U (where U is for Ubvious Uverstatement) to the point of nausea - was that all of the damage was done by a quarterback who grew up in Tallahassee and idolized FSU. The question that stems from that is something FSU seriously must address - but probably won't. HOW IN THE HECK DID THAT HAPPEN? How did B.J. Daniels end up whipping FSU instead of playing for them? As I kept hearing the announcers mention this fact, I really began to wonder. What caused arguably the most dominant team in college football in the 90s to degrade to this point? This is the same team that went 14 years straight finishing in the top five. Who does that? Now, they can't even string two good games together.

I have a couple of theories (which, honestly don't mean jack crap). First of all, FSU has completely lost its recruiting abilities. I know, they signed five of the ESPN Top 150 last year. But I looked at some stuff over the weekend and found out something interesting. Florida is the best supplier of high school players, period. 25 of the ESPN Top 150 were from Florida. The next closest is Texas (19), Georgia (16), and Kahleefornyuh (15). So it really isn't even close. This has been the case for a LOOOOOOONG time. Florida is chock full of speed and talent. Once upon a time, there were three major Florida schools. They would divide up the best of the Florida booty. Things have changed, though. I went through the rosters of the nine biggest football programs in Florida (UF, FSU, UM, USF, UCF, FIU, FAU, FAMU, BCC). Most of the smaller schools have now pilfered the Florida ranks (except for UCF, who recruits like it is a nationally known school - but it is NOT). Here's what I found:

• USF - 91.7% Florida players
• BCC - 91.6% Florida players
• FAU - 89.5% Florida players
• FIU - 85.8% Florida players
• FAMU - 83.5% Florida players
• UCF - 68.7% Florida players
• UM - 66.7% Florida players
• UF - 63.1% Florida players
• FSU - 52.8% Florida players

Combined, that adds up to 691 players, if you are curious. Do you notice something strange about that chart? I can understand the big difference between the first five and the bottom four. The first five are newer and smaller programs, so they are reduced to pulling from their backyard. That is what happens all over the country. The other four teams (yeah, UCF too) are more nationally known. They have been around longer, have larger campuses, more national coverage. (Remember UCF has had two top 5 Heisman finishers, three bowl appearances, and is the largest school in Florida.) So they can pull from the best of the country. That is why UF, UM, UCF, and FSU have smaller percentages. BUT, once you hit a certain point, doesn't the number start to mean something more? I mean, you are in Florida. You are nationally known with great facilities. You have a legend as a coach. How can you only get 56 state kids? I mean, South Carolina has 22 from Florida. The pool has been depleted, for sure, thanks to the higher number of suitors. (Not to mention Michigan, Georgia, Illinois, Auburn, Ole Miss, Georgia Tech, NC State, Boston College, Notre Dame, Mississippi State, and Ohio State all have between 10 and 20 Florida boys.) I just think that FSU's luster has worn off in-state. There is no reason to be that inept at recruiting in your backyard. That's how B.J. Daniels escapes.

The other main thing is that FSU is killing itself with its refusal to make a coaching change. Everyone knows that Bobby Bowden is not the coach of that team. Jimbo Fisher is the coach. Bobby is a guy in a sun hat and Oakleys wandering on the sideline wondering where his sandwich is. This can't be positive. The players have to be torn. In the Miami game, there was one point where Bowden and Fisher both were trying to talk to one of the players. The youngster looked confused and then went over to Fisher. The only ONLY reason that Bowden is still there is that he wants to beat Paterno. FSU finally got smart and put some "Associate Head Coaches" in place, like Penn State did. But Bowden (and his supporters in the Boosters) still hold too much sway. The game has passed him by - as well as Mickey Andrews and other St. Bobby staff guys. FSU really just needs to gut the coaching staff. They need to fire everyone (Fisher included, who I have not been impressed with at all). Then they need to dangle a truckload of money at some brilliant coach and say, "Here are the keys. Fix it." And not someone out of the "FSU Family." Someone who knows what they are doing.

See, the new coaches like Urban Meyer don't give a rat's tail about who ends up at the top of the all-time win chart. They don't plan on staying anywhere long enough to get a field named after them. They are going to jump into the pros or the broadcasting booth anyway. They are hired guns. Very effective, potent, intelligent guns. They have mastered the new recruiting world (texts, tweets, cell phones). It isn't about sitting in a living room and convincing mama any more. It is impressing and seducing and relentlessly pursuing. I respect FSU's loyalty - it is so rare now in our world. But it is hurting that program. The victory over FSU was huge to USF - they are going to have an even better recruiting edge now, more respect, blah blah blah. But it was huge to FSU because it showed them they aren't the big dog any more. In reality, there is UF in the top tier. FSU, UM, USF are in the next tier. UCF, FAU, and FIU are nipping at their heels. It isn't the Big Three - it is the Big One and the Next Six. FSU had better do something, or they are going to be destined to 7-5 seasons and being home before New Year.

Missing the Target

We've been up here in Tallahassee for about two months now. (And I know that many of you hordes of readers are actually north of Florida, so Tallahassee is still "down there" to you. But it's all relative.) Most of the time when we talk to people about what we are doing, we get asked "How's Tallahassee?" Well, unless they are University of Florida fans. Then they ask "MMmff mfmfmmm brrbllglgl?" Then I have to remind them to take their heads out of their rear ends and when they do, they ask something witty like, "What is it like living in hell?" And then they laugh at how awesome they are and run off to convince themselves that Urban Meyer would never play them like he played Bowling Green and Utah. [Boy, I am going to pay for that. But it was worth it.]

Where was I? Oh yeah. How is Tallahassee? It is strange, moving to a new place. I remember that one of the most disturbing things about moving to Jacksonville from Tampa was that there are no 7-11 stores there. I mean, it didn't really affect my life 355 days a year. But on those few days when I wanted a Slurpee, then I had to go find someone who sold the far inferior ICEEs. And they you had to choose from Cherry or Coke - as opposed to the six flavors most 7-11 stores have. There are things like that. I'm sure anyone who has moved can understand.

Things are definitely different. I mentioned in an earlier, far superior post about the new restaurants up here. That is a good change - having new cool places to eat on those rare occasions that we don't dine at Casa Del Staples. It is also neat to have hills - which the flatlands of south and central Florida don't offer. I also like the promise that cooler weather will be coming in just a few months. The thought of having three seasons instead of two is very attractive. (I've heard there is a fourth season, but that seems too magical - like unicorns or fairies or affordable health care.)

Some things I don't like up here? Sure, there are some. I find it strange to have two major football programs in the same city. I don't like the way the roads are laid out. I don't like the near-cult status that Chick-Fil-A has up here - with their drive thru lines so long they hinder traffic. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I don't like the traffic. I know, some of you are wondering how someone who has lived in West Palm Beach, Orlando, and Tampa could dare question the traffic of any place East of California. But the traffic here is different. I am used to Florida traffic. That is where everyone drives about ten miles over the speed limit, the speed limit on most major (non-interstate) roads is 45 mph, no one uses their blinkers or heaters, and you take your life into your hands every time you get in the car. (California traffic is like this, except played double speed.) Stop lights cycle every 30 seconds. You just go faster. Here? Uh, it is sloooooow. The speed limits are usually 35 - even on main roads. The lights take 2-3 minutes to cycle. People still don't know where they are going, but they are slow about it. Yesterday, it took me 30 minutes to get from Heather's class to our apartment after lunch. You know how far that is? 3.5 miles. Nope, you read that correct. That means I averaged 7 miles an hour. Amazing.

Another thing I don't like is the storms. What's that? Yes, I did live in Tampa - the lightning capital of the world. And, yes, I lived in Orlando, hurricane magnet of 2004. Those places it seemed like there was a pattern. Every afternoon it would storm. You just kind of felt it. But the storms here are weird. They just kind of blow in out of nowhere and are violent. Four different times in two months there have been storms that were so ugly that FSU sent out a text message to all their students to take cover. Our second week here a tornado took out the roof of an elementary school about a mile down the road. Two weeks ago a storm hit on the corner right by our apartment. It took the roof off a Toys R Us and threw its air conditioner unit about 500 feet into a KMart parking lot. This, however, was NOT a tornado. It was random 85 mph winds. Random 85 mph winds? What the what? That's crazy. NOT a big fan of that.

But the biggest thing I have had trouble dealing with is the Target/Walmart situation. Every other place I have lived, it was simple. Walmart was terrible. It was dirty. It was cheap and nasty. The people who shopped there scared you frequently. The people who worked there scared you even more, and usually were grossly incompetent. A new store could open and within two days look just like an old one. You would go there if you HAD to, like it was 1am and you wanted to toilet paper someone's house. Target, on the other hand, was cool. It was clean and hip. It had Starbucks. You would run into people you knew almost every time you went. The employees were generally nice - and you might even know some of them. You would go there to kill time. And Super Target was amazing. You could easier kill a couple hours in a Super Target.

Here it is not the same case. First of all, there are like thirty Walmarts around town. I really think there are more of them than gas stations. Don't believe me? Drive around the capital area trying to find a gas station when your fuel light is on. The stores still aren't the cleanest or nicest, but they are a far cry from their counterparts further south. It is one of your regular shopping places. I know there have been times when I'm like, "I need milk, apples, juice boxes, and an iPod charger. Let's go to Walmart." It has become a part of life - and it seems like that is the way it is for everyone up here. To many people, it is their main grocery store. (I still go to Publix for that. I'll never abandon Publix. You will have to take that free cookie out of my cold dead hand.) You don't avoid Walmart, or go there afraid of getting mugged or catching hepatitis. It is just a normal store.

And the Target? Well, it is like Bizarro Target. There are very few of them - no Super Targets. So that stinks right off the bat. The store itself is terrible. There are almost always empty spots on the shelves. The employees are rude and very odd. The worst experiences have come in the food area. Sometimes when I take the kids to Target, we eat there because it is cheap and fast. But, every time we have gone - literally every single time - they have been out of something we ordered. I don't think they have ever had macaroni and cheese. They usually are out of pizza, and the ones they have are either buffalo chicken or have been out since yesterday. At least one ICEE machine is always broken. The employees are rude and so incompetent. One day, they didn't have pizza. So there was a family who were waiting the "7-8 minutes" until they would be ready. Once they got done cooking, the person behind the counter put them out on the sale rack - despite telling three other people they didn't have any coming out. Naturally, they got snapped up in about a minute by new customers. So they had to put more in for the first family. Finally - after I would guess was a wait of 15-20 minutes - they got their pizza. "Sorry for the wait," was the only thing offered by the employees. The mom was simmering with rage. "What's the matter? Did the other get 'accidentally sold' or something?" "No, I don't think so, they just took longer." Wow. At the same time, the girl behind the counter sold a lady in a hurry a hot dog and told her to wait for it to finish - but didn't tell her it would be another TEN MINUTES! How does it take ten minutes to cook a hot dog? I can microwave one in 30 seconds. I think that same day was the day they only had small cups in stock.

It is kind of a shock to see something like this. You just get used to certain things in life. You can always count on things being a certain way. Kohls is always going to initially tag their stuff way too expensive so they can mark it down. Sports Authority is always going stretch the definition of "authority" with their pathetic inventory. Lifeway and Family Christian Stores are always going to overprice their stuff to the point you wonder why you even bother going in there instead of just ordering from Amazon right away. Winn Dixie is always going to make you wonder how it is still in business. And Walmart is always supposed to awful and Target is always supposed to be cool. To see things turned upside down is very disconcerting. It makes you wonder what else will be upside down. Will Burger King remember to put all the items in your bag at the Drive Thru? Will Dominos make pizza on real crust instead of recycled cardboard? Will Pizza Hut stop injecting their pan pizza crust with a cup of oil? Will Bobby Bowden actually participate in team activities? (Nah, some things are just too far fetched.)

**FROM THE EDITOR: This post is strictly for entertainment purposes. The assertions made by the author were for humorous effect. They were wild generalizations. We understand that not all Walmarts are like this. And we know that any of you who work at Walmart are not necessarily carrying Hepatitis. And we also know that just because you work at Target, it does not mean you are nice and/or competent - or Hepatitis free. Thank you all for your understanding.

State of Florida Sports: The Bandwagon Lives Here

The second part of my examination of the Florida sports scene addresses the dreaded "Bandwagon."

The fact that Florida as a whole functions as a "sports town" means that our state is more susceptible than most to the sports Bandwagon.  For those of you unfamiliar to that term, the Bandwagon can be defined one of three ways:

1. The showering of positive predictions on a franchise by a large group of sports "experts" - usually a team that has had a checkered past and is aimed at a "breakout season."  EX: This year's Portland Trailblazers in the NBA.  [A Corollary to this is a large group of experts predicting doom for a team - like this year's Spurs.]
2. A large number of fans suddenly supporting a team that is doing well.  Often this involves a team with a "good story."  EX: This year's Tampa Bay Rays
3. A large number of fans suddenly claiming "I've always liked this team" when that team starts doing well - even though they never indicated that before.  EX: The millions of Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots fans that crawled out of the woodwork in recent years as those teams did well.  The same thing happened last year with the Celtics.

The reason that Florida is more vulnerable to this problem is that it seems that everyone here is really from somewhere else.  This makes them likely to jump on the Bandwagon with both definitions 2 and 3.  Here is how it all works.

Johnny moved from Connecticut to Lakeland when he was eight years old.  Before they moved, the family cheered for the typical New England Combo Platter - Patriots, Celtics, Red Sox, Bruins.  Since they moved to Florida, they followed those teams, but they were never diehard fans.  They lived in Lakeland, so they actually had more pull towards the Detroit Tigers, since they had a minor league team there.  Every Sunday they were predestined by the NFL to watch the Bucs.  And the local papers eventually started more coverage of the Magic and Rays and Lightning.  So, by geography, they became more familiar with and invested in the local teams.  And it helps that for the first portion of their lives after the move, the Boston teams were lousy.

So, like most Central Florida residents, they got behind the Bucs in 2002 when they won the Super Bowl.  And they pulled for the Magic when they got in the playoffs.  But, they also had the pull to the Boston teams once they started doing well and getting national coverage.  So Johnny buys a Patriots jersey, a Red Sox cap, a Celtics shirt.  And he claims he "always cheered for those teams."  No one around him growing up knew that.  But now, he is more vocal - partly because they won.  And he also is happy when his Florida teams win.  

So, Johnny has become a Bandwagoner.  Even though he has legitimate reasons, he jumped at both groups of teams with their success.  If you check his closet, he has a Bucs jersey and shirt ("In case I go to a game").  During the course of a year he watches 30 Magic games and 10 Celtics games.  He actually has taken his Bandwagon ways and expanded them into what Bill Simmons labels "Sports Bigamy."  He truly has two teams in each sport - the local and the "real team."  This is a natural pull - especially in today's media heavy sports world.  It is hard to not care about the local team when that is what you are saturated with.  It is easier to get coverage of your team from back home, but the local stuff is everywhere.  

So, for one of many reasons, most Florida residents pull off this Bandwagon jumping and Sports Bigamy with every sport.  It could be that they went to a different college than the one they cheered for growing up.  That happened with me when I went to UCF after being a UGA fan.  UCF is clearly my college team, but we're usually out of play long before UGA is (something I'll address in my next post).  It could be that a spouse liked a team different than them.  They may move within Florida.  Moving from South Florida to Orlando will test those Dolphin allegiances - since they teams shown here are the Bucs and Jaguars.

What is the big deal?  There isn't really any big deal.  To people who spend way too much time worrying about sports and how other people deal with sports, both the Bandwagon and Sports Bigamy are very offensive.  These are the people who want you to "pick a team and stick with it."  If your team moves or shuts down or becomes offensive, you should cheer for no one rather than pick a different team.  And most of these people are from New England - where they have nothing to do for months except think about things like this.  I think a lot of it comes from being Red Sox fans, and staying true for 86 years, and then watching a bunch of people jump on the Bandwagon right at the end.  They wanted to separate themselves (the "real" fans) from the newcomers (the "bandwagoners").  This is why Florida is so offensive to those people.  The whole state is a bandwagon.  Our newer teams and recent success and tons of implants from other areas invite you to cheer for two (or more) teams.  

So, next time someone accuses you of jumping on the Bandwagon when you haul out your brand new Arizona Cardinals jersey or Atlanta Falcons hat, don't try to defend yourself.  Don't tell them about how you have always really loved the Cardinals, since they were in St. Louis.  Don't give some story about your family history in Atlanta.  Just say, "That's right!  I'm on the Bandwagon.  It's a Florida thing - you wouldn't understand.  Until you move here when you get old and drive slow in the left lane."

State of Florida Sports: Florida is a Great Sports Town

After watching Tampa Bay's amazing run to - and pathetic performance in - the World Series, it really got me thinking about sports in Florida.  I have lived in Florida all my life.  And really, it is a great place to live if you are a sports lover.  But it is a little unique in the world of sports.  Most of the time, there are big cities that have teams and rabid fan bases.  Look at places like Boston, New York, Chicago, Cleveland, Philadelphia.  They are known as "sports towns."  They have teams with histories and lots of very opinionated fans.  And in the mainstream sports media, they are respected more than the "casual" fans that populate other places - like Florida.  

The thing that you have to think about is that Florida is a new sports frontier.  The state itself has grown by leaps and bounds.  Did you realize that Florida is the 4th most populous state?  And it probably will pass New York before long.  In 1980 it was 7th.  In 1950 it was 20th.  In 1920 it was 32nd.  So, when teams like the Red Sox and Cubs were already developing curses, Florida was a nothing state.  I am 34 years old and Florida native.  I was born in West Palm Beach and lived there until I moved to Orlando for college.  With the exception of the Dolphins, every single Florida professional franchise began after I was born.

So think about that for just a minute.  I have three kids and am trying to get them interested in sports.  There is not a multi-generational rooting structure in place.  My dad cheered for the Celtics and Chicago Bears.  When I was kid, what did I have to pick from?  In the NFL there was Miami (which I hated) or Dallas (the big team at the time).  So I was a Cowboys fan.  In baseball, there were the Yankees and Dodgers - so I picked the Yankees.  In the NBA, well I started cheering for the Hawks because TBS showed their games.  And I was Georgia Bulldog fan because I lived on Georgia Avenue and they were big because of Herschel Walker.  Since I was a kid, here is what has happened on the Florida sports scene.

NFL

• Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Founded in 1976 - Six Division Championships - One Super Bowl
• Jacksonville Jaguars - Founded in 1995 - Two Division Championships - Two AFC Title games - Six playoff appearances
• Miami Dolphins - Two Super Bowl Losses

NBA 

• Orlando Magic - Founded in 1989 - Three Division Titles - One Finals Appearance
• Miami Heat - Founded in 1987 - Seven Division Titles - One NBA Title

MLB

• Florida Marlins - Founded in 1993 - Two World Series Championships
• Tampa Bay Rays - Founded in 1998 - One Division Title - One World Series Appearance

NHL 

• Tampa Bay Lightning - Founded in 1992 - Two Division Titles - One Stanley Cup
• Florida Panthers - Founded in 1993 - One Stanley Cup Appearance

NCAA (Since 1974)

• University of Florida - Eight SEC Football Championships, Two Football National Titles, Two Heisman Trophy Winners, Fourteen Basketball NCAA Tourney Appearances, Two Basketball National Titles, Five College World Series Baseball Appearances
• Florida State University - Twelve ACC Football Championships, Two Football National Titles, Two Heisman Trophy Winners, Four Basketball NCAA Tourney Appearances, Fourteen College World Series Baseball Appearances
• University of Miami - Nine Big East Football Championships, Five Football National Titles, Two Heisman Trophy Winners, Five Basketball NCAA Tourney Appearances, Twenty-three College World Series Baseball Appearances, Four Baseball Titles
• University of South Florida - Football team founded in 1997, Three Football Bowl berths, ranked as high as 2nd in polls
• University of Central Florida - Football went Division I in 1996, One Conference-USA title, two both berths, three NCAA basketball Tourney appearnaces
• Florida Atlantic University - Football team founded in 2001, One conference title, one bowl berth
• Florida International University - Football team founded in 2002

In addition, we host about 25% of Super Bowls thanks to Miami and Tampa being two of the best host sites.  The Orange Bowl in Miami hosts the BCS Championship every four years.  The Capitol One, Outback, Gator, and Florida Sports bowls bring top teams to the state every year.  The Daytona 500 and Pepsi 400 are in Daytona each year.  And the UF/UGA game is in Jacksonville every year.  

So, as you can see, there is a lot of sports development in Florida in the past thirty years.  The thing is, just about everyone here is from somewhere else.  So they cheer for the team from whence they came (Steelers, Red Sox, Oklahoma) and then they celebrate when Florida based teams do well.  Some would label this bandwagon-riding (something I will address in my next post).  But this also is because there is not a lot of passion for Florida-based teams - for the most part.  People around the country don't have a lot of connections to Florida teams.  And Florida residents are kind of just happy that their state is doing well. [This of course does not apply to UF/FSU or FSU/UM rivalries.]  It is like the whole state is a sports town.  If you talk about Cleveland's or Philly's title droughts (well, not Philly now), that means that the city hasn't had a winner in decades.  But in Florida we are like, "Yeah but Miami won a few years ago and Tampa won."  There are HUGE differences between regions in Florida.  But not as much of a difference when it comes to sports.  There is a "all for one, one for all" mentality in most people.  I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

KING SIZED BLOGS: Best & Worst of 2007 - SPORTS

Well, I knew the first topic would be a dud - thanks to Greg's refusal to be a drooling, dozing, television zombie.  So, let's go with something more up his alley: SPORTS.  First, I would like to make a small correction for the Television article.  I should have had American Idol at least under Best Honorable Mention.  That is probably the show we watch most consistently.  Anywhoooo.  On to sports.  And get ready to get all flustered.  I'm not being Skip Bayless, I swear.  And, no surprise, the worsts far outnumber the bests.

BEST OF SPORTS

• KEVIN EVERETT RECOVERY - The more you read about this story, the more crazy and awesome that it becomes.  This Buffalo Bills player should be paralyzed right now.  Instead he is starting to walk and recovering.  It was thanks to God and a doctor who was willing to take risks.  They lowered Everett's body temperature to combat swelling in a very risky and experimental maneuver.  It is amazing to hear of a positive story with a medical professional who was willing to put his entire career on the line for this player.
• NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS RUN AT 19-0 - I don't care what you think about this team or its coach or anything.  Personally, I hate the Patriots, I think Bill Bellichick is a jerk, I think Tom Brady is a scumbag, and I think most Patriot fans are arrogant turds.  (Sorry Kevin - you are the exception.)  BUT, these things are great for sports.  Everyone follows it.  The ratings for those Pats games are enormous.  And the Super Bowl, if it features an undefeated Patriots against either Dallas or Green Bay could be the highest rated show ever.  I know I watch them every week.  And you have to admire greatness.  They are a GREAT team.  You get to see teams like that every 30 years or so.  Enjoy it.
• COLLEGE FOOTBALL UPSETS - I love watching all the big-shot BCS schools get tripped up.  It makes College Football fun.  I hated watching college football for a large stretch of the 80s and 90s because the same teams always went 10-1 and hogged the big games.  Of course, while the regular season was exciting, the Bowl Matchups are, eh, um, not?  And the same teams ended up hogging the bowls again.  Oh well.
• HONORABLE MENTION: UCF's Football run (I had to put that), UF's Gator Slam (ugh), NBA resurgence, Dwight Howard, Bret Favre's resurrection, state of Florida's FIVE bowl teams, Dungy winning Super Bowl

WORST OF SPORTS

• BASEBALL STEROIDS: I'm so far beyond being surprised by this story.  It is just disgusting and ridiculous.  How can baseball legitimately hold itself up as a serious sport now?  Hundreds of players have been tagged - either by the Mitchell report or clubhouse rats or drug testing.  The Home Run King is a user.  The 340 game winning Rocket is a user.  The lineup is littered with players who were the dominant ones.  And even the Report has questions - based on shaky witnesses, run by a dude on the Board of the Red Sox (where hardly any Sox players are named and 22 Yanks are!), no fair trial for the accused.  Baseball managed to screw up its efforts to clean itself up after screwing up for years in refusing to clean itself up.  Confused?  Imagine those young fans who have to sort through all the asterisks and wonder why the greatest players of a generation aren't in the Hall of Fame.
• MICHAEL VICK & ATLANTA FALCONS:  This covers so many points that the Worsts would have stretched to three pages.  First, there is Bobby Petrino weaseling a new contract out of Louisville, only to screw them over and go to Atlanta.  Then, Michael Vick gets busted for dog fighting and destroys his life and the team.  Then you have players verbally attacking Petrino for being a jerk.  Then you have players supporting Vick and getting fined for it.  (Just think how big of jerk Petrino had to be for the players to verbally support a dog killer and try to throw you under the bus.)  When the team was barely limping to the end of the year, Petrino jumps ship (after promising to stay and being refused permission to talk to other jobs) to go BACK to college to browbeat the Arkansas players.  Then the owner of the team starts negotiating to replace the current GM Rich McKay WITHOUT TELLING McKay he wasn't coming back.  Only the negotiations are with such a big name (Parcells) that it hits all the papers - before Big Tuna screws them over to court the Dolphins.  What a crappy franchise.
• BILLY DONOVAN: I know UF fans are willing to forgive and forget, but the five Orlando Magic fans aren't.  He weasels an extension out of UF to stay and not take whatever job was floating around.  Then he leaves and takes the Magic job.  Then, after announcing it and everything, CHANGES HIS MIND over the weekend and goes back to UF with a nice fat extension.  I know it is going to work out for Orlando.  Ron Jeremy, I mean Stan Van Gundy is a great coach and the Magic started the year great before December happened.  But I think Donovan will never be an NBA coach now.  Unless the Falcons get a team.
• JOE TORRE'S SENDOFF: Okay.  Your coach leads you to five World Series in six years or something like that.  Then the other teams catch up.  You haven't WON a World Series since 2000.  BUT you still win your division, go to the playoffs, win in the playoffs.  So, you naturally blame the manager.  Threaten to fire him.  And then cut his salary and tell him to earn it back through incentives - only the incentives are the same thing he's been doing every year that wasn't good enough.  WHA?  Then you anger one of the most popular players your team has ever had by publicly saying he isn't good enough to manage - causing him to leave too.  Brilliant, Hank.
• KOBE BRYANT: So, you are a young superstar.  You have won your third straight NBA title with your fellow superstar and supercoach.  What next?  Force the team to trade that other star, get the coach to quit or get fired, and make the team build everything around you.  Now, you get to be THE MAN.  So you start getting huge stats, but your team is horrible.  Every big game you have seems to hurt the team more.  So you pitch a fit and don't do anything, just to show how bad your team is.  You grumble.  You gripe.  You get the coach to come back.  And then you demand a trade.  Because the team didn't do enough to win - didn't bring in any huge talent.  Wait, you twit.  You HAD huge talent.  You had the best center in 35 years.  You had four future Hall of Famers starting every night and didn't win the title.  YOU forced the trades.  YOU canned the coach.  YOU were behind EVERYTHING.  And now YOU are mad at how it turned out?  Grow up.
• 2007 HEISMAN:  Let me begin by saying that I am NOT angry Tim Tebow won the Heisman.  I know that he is incredible - absolutely mind boggling on the field.  I know he is a great person.  Heck he saved a bus of nuns and orphans on the way to the ceremony.  Right now he is personally delivering one million toys to children.  What I am saying is how did Kevin Smith get completely ignored for not only the Heisman, but also the Best Running Back awards?  He didn't need to win.  But I don't get how McFadden is one of the top four, when he had 400 yards less than Smith?  Smith is 181 yards from an all-time rushing record (though even I think its bogus to let that stand when 3 extra games went into it).  How is that not worth a top five finish at least?  Ridiculous.
• HONORABLE MENTION: Pacman Jones, Red Sox winning World Series, Dolphins winning in Week 14, Peyton Manning winning Super Bowl, NBA Gambling Ref, Patriots Camera Work, Don Imus vs. Rutgers

I'm sure I forgot a ton - straighten me out Ramer.

FerreTV: Idols Dancers and Athletes

One of the biggest challenges for me as a blogger, and one reason I will probably never ascend to much more than a site read by more than a couple dozen people, is a lack of time. I always feel bad writing on here. I feel like if I have time to plop my lard butt down in front of my Apple and write about the evils of Billy Donovan and who is the better singer on American Idol, then I certainly should be using it in a more constructive manner. (This is the same reason I have not posted my Oceans Thirteen review.) So, I will go through these long periods of no posts, which I am sure frustrates the few people who actually wander on to this site.

That being said, I have had this series of posts on television that I have been wanting to post for a while now, but just have not been able to force myself to do. Part of that was the aforementioned time issue. The other problem is that I am not sure how much you fair readers care about television. But, I honestly don't know how much you care about anything else I have written, so I am going to go ahead and start this thing and see what happens.

The other day I was watching So You Think You Can Dance (or SYTYCD, as reflected on their new line of clothing). Well, this is the third year of this show. And I admit I am hooked. I don't know squat about dancing. My idea of dancing is leaning up against the railing around the dance floor and making fun of everyone else. When I try to dance, I look like a lumbering bear with a pulled hamstring. But I like the show. It is NOT because there is great dancing going on - there is, or so I assume. I wouldn't recognize good dancing from bad dancing. Honestly, some of what is raved about on the show looks like somebody got a couple bees stuck in their oversized sweatshirt and hot pants. The other day, there were TWO routines where dancers imitated birds. (Huh?!?) When my son runs around squawking and flailing his arms around I yell, "STOP THAT! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO THINK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!" I certainly don't go, "So, you think you can dance? Well watch this lumbering bear impersonation with jazz hands."

Anyway, I watch because of the drama - same as what drew me to American Idol. I remember reading a sports writer (I think it was Kornheiser) who wrote a few years back that American Idol was the new sports in America. You have favorites and villains. There are matchups that favor some competitors over others. You have judges and announcers and corporate sponsors. Well, I tend to agree with him. That is what makes these shows so entertaining. There is a sports element to it. When Sanjaya and Haley were scorching their way through AI this past year, I was screaming in agony at the television worse than when Duke was a powerhouse. When Melinda got knocked out, it was like watching the Dallas Mavericks get ousted in the first round this past NBA season.

SYTYCD is very similar. I have favorites (Pasha & Jessi, Hok, Dominic & Sabra) and un-favorites (Cedric, Shauna). I was horrified when bird couple Pasha/Jessi ended up in the bottom three. When Cedric made it through, I shook my head. It was like sports. Possibly this transfer has happened because sports has lost some of their attraction to me - and to many people. AI pulls in over 25 million people a week. The NBA Finals pulled in 6.5 million for the fourth game. Sports has become something that no one can relate to. Honestly, unless you are a genetic freak who is tutored and trained from an early age, you aren't going to play sports. It isn't like it used to be, where you could have a dream to make it into the big leagues. If you are still hoping for that, sorry to pop your bubble. That combined with free agency and the big business element of sports, and you have something that people enjoy, but are not as vested in.

Here's an example. When I was growing up, here was how I viewed sports.
NFL: My favorite was Dallas, period. I hated the 49ers, Dolphins, Steelers, Redskins. My dad like Chicago. My brother like the Redskins (of course). My mom like Denver (because of Elway).
NBA: I liked the Hawks. I hated the Celtics and Lakers. My dad loved the Celtics and hated the Lakers. My brother loved the Lakers and hated the Celtics.
COLLEGE: I loved the Georgia Bulldogs, hated Notre Dame, UF and UM. My dad liked UM and hated UF. My brother loved USC.
MLB: I loved the Yankees and hated the Red Sox and Braves. No one else cared.
NHL: I was not aware this was a sport.

Everyone had favorite teams and favorite players - FROM THOSE TEAMS. I cheered for Tony Dorsett and Herschel Walker (the perfect match of UGA and Dallas - until he got traded). I loved Dominique Wilkins. I hated Joe Montana, Dwight Clark, Roger Craig, Dan Marino, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, every UM quarterback. There was no cross-pollinating.

Well, then came Michael Jordan. Herschel got traded for 243 people, which helped Dallas win Super Bowls. The Hawks traded 'Nique and he ended up on the Celtics. I realized people like Montana and Marino had personalities. Charles Haley - of the 49ers - signed with the Cowboys. And that Rat Fish-Turd Shaq left the Magic for the Lakers. The whole thing got muddled. Now, I cheer for players more than teams. You can't get committed to a player through your favorite team because they won't stay there.

Now, my view of the sports landscape is this:
NFL: I like the Bucs and Jaguars - but hate Dallas due to their personnel decisions and approach to business. I also hate the Dolphins, 49ers, Broncos, and Patriots. When the Steelers won their title, I was happy for them.
NBA: I like the Magic, but also like good stories - like Golden State this year. I cheered for Michael Jordan. I hate Kobe, so I hate the Lakers. I still hate the Celtics, but they are so pathetic I can't beat up on them too bad. I like the Spurs' approach to basketball.
COLLEGE: I still love UGA. I love UCF. I follow USF and wish them well - except against UCF. I loathe UF beyond belief. I went through loving FSU and now hating them due to their thuggery. I can't stand Notre Dame, UM, BYU, and Duke. I also cheer for any team that is an underdog (unless I hate them) and any team that can wreck havoc with the Top 25, the BCS, or the Tournament. I cheer for any team who can advance UGA or UCF with a win.
MLB: I love the Yankees. I hate the Red Sox and Braves. I like the Giants - and have loved Barry Bonds. The overwhelming circumstantial allegations against him have started to turn me. I wish his knees would explode so we could stop hearing the stupid home run record argument. I don't like A-Rod, but I admire him and he's a Yankee so I have to cheer for him. I am starting to hate the A's, Angels, and Diamondbacks.
NHL: I was glad Tampa won a title. Does that count?

So, the sports scene is so crazy, I have turned to rooting on singers and dancers. I find myself more committed to catching those shows than sports - even playoffs. I watched part of 3 of the NBA Finals games. I turned off LeBron's 48 point masterpiece in the 3rd Quarter. I missed two entire rounds of the NFL playoffs this year. I also missed three rounds of the NCAA Tournament this year. I did not watch the UF National Championship game - either football or basketball. I quite frankly did not care. I watch no baseball until the playoffs. I watch a handful of Magic games, and try to watch the NFL on Sunday. But I DVR American Idol and SYTYCD and make sure I watch them. I even bought the complete AI collection CD this year - 76 songs (more on that in part 2). These shows hold as much interest for me - and for America.

Why? Because THESE are regular people. Phil is a Navy guy with a wife and kids from Jacksonville. His dad is a pastor. He's bald and looks like a cross between a vampire and Gollum. Chris Sligh is a worship leader who went to school with one of the administrative assistants at First Baptist Oviedo. Jessi on SYTYCD is from Florida, and works in an office and hates her job. We can relate to these people. We all sing. We all dance around. We all hate our jobs and want to see something amazing happen. That is what attracts people to these shows. Unfortunately, that is also where they are in some real danger - which I will get into in the second part of this series.

My New Enemy

I have a new enemy, and his name is Billy Donovan. Now, I never was a big Donovan fan in the first place. First of all, he was a pupil of Rick Pitino - who I think is a total wanker. Second, he coaches Florida. And, anyone who knows me knows how I feel about the Gators. Third, he is a really good coach who has assured that cocky and arrogant Gator fans always have both football and basketball to crow about. Stinking Billy.

So, when he was looking at the Orlando Magic job, I was thrilled because it was going to totally stick it to the University of Florida. Their basketball program would have been decimated - losing their top seven scorers AND their coach. Plus, since I am not an idiot, I was thrilled that the Magic was actually going to get such an amazing coach. I tried to think back to when the Magic had a good coach. Hmmmm. Well, there was.... Uh..... Matt Goukas? Phll Daly, but he had no players to coach. That pretty much sums it up. The Magic coaching job has been one joker after another.

Well, that is a good description for being a Magic fan. I never wanted to like the Magic. When I went to college, I was not a basketball fan at all. I loved Michael Jordan and enjoyed him beating the tar out of people. The only team I liked was the Atlanta Hawks - since they were broadcast on TBS Superstation 17 when I was young. I like 'Nique. But I never really was a fan of any team. Then I got to Orlando, and the team was just so darn likeable. And they had these young guys - Shaq and Penny. And I got sucked in. Then they went to the Finals, and got trounced. And I was ready for a year-in, year-out pursuit of that weird trophy.

Then June 1996 happened. I was out at Disney MGM Studios with some of my friends. The Olympic teams were going to go through the park, and we went to see the whole process. Our Shaq was one of those stars. Sure, there had been a bunch of morons in the city who said Shaq wasn't worth the money. And some rumblings had happened that he may bolt for the movies of L.A. But I was sure it would work out. And when his car drove by, with him waving and saying, "Love you Orlando!" Well, we were sure it was all okay.

THAT SAME FREAKING DAY we heard the news that he was about to sign with the Lakers. It ripped your heart out. We lost Shaq - and didn't even get anything for him! How do you lose Shaq? Then Penny lost his dang mind. And then the Magic fell apart for good. Coups in the locker room. Dumb trades. We thought there was some light when we hit free agency back in 2000. We had enough to get Tim Duncan. He bailed on us, but still, we got Grant Hill and some guy named Tracy McGrady who was related to Vince Carter. Then Hill's foot fell off. T-Mac tried to carry the team by himself and then his heart fell out (which conveniently found on the way to Houston).

It has been miserable to be a Magic fan. You don't want to buy a jersey because you are afraid that the player will abandon you. We always seem to get nice guys - but they just get hurt and never play right. Then we luck out and win the draft lottery again and get Dwight Howard. What a freak that guy is (in a good way). Hope reigned. We got some players who are not horrible - and then we bring back Brian Hill as coach. I hoped it would make up for the way he got canned last time. Last year the team started off HOT HOT HOT. It had the best record in the NBA for one day at 20-4. Then the team collapsed. I had gotten tickets for four games for Christmas, and was disgusted by the horrible play.

But hope springs eternal. And somehow, we managed to talk Billy Donovan to come in and teach our team of "not bad players," along with one superhuman one. Sure, I would ordinarily trash Donovan for his abandoning UF just weeks after swearing he wasn't leaving. But I was willing to overlook that. Last Friday it was official, and the little guy came down here. He was all smiles. We were all smiles. Tickets were selling. Players were happy.

grrrrrrr

Stinking Billy Donovan. So we are stuck now as he tries to break his contract. Florida will obviously welcome him back and probably win the championship in three years. We tried to get Stan Van Gundy, whose main qualification is that he looks like adult movie star Ron Jeremy. But the Miami Heat decided to demand draft picks for him, while they didn't care if he went to Sacramento. So he is going over there. And where are the Magic now?

The look stupid. The local press - who for some unexplainable reason hate the Magic - have launched into full attack mode. How can you blame Orlando? They did everything they could. It was Donovan's lack of commitment, lack of heart, lack of a spine. It was his unbelievable wussiness. So we have no coach, and the prospects floating around now are ridiculous. All the good candidates are gone. We have nobody, no first round draft picks, lots of money to sign free agents - and nothing that would make anyone want to come. So, the hope I had is gone. We'll probably end up signing Chauncey Billups to some massively overblown contract (even though he hasn't done anything in three years), maybe add some other half-heart. Vince Carter will toy with us and then sign with the Lakers. And we'll end up with somebody like PJ Carlesimo as our coach. It's so frustrating I want to give up.

But, man, that Dwight Howard is good....