Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives

My two favorite vacations I have ever taken were Spring Break of 1996 and Independence Day of 2004. Spring Break 96 consisted of me and my friends Matt and Allen going up to Atlanta. It wasn't anything spectacular. It just was the first time I ever had gone on a vacation on my own. We never travelled much at all when I was a kid, so this was a big deal to me. We had a great time. The 2004 trip was up to Pennsylvania with Heather, Josiah, Natalie, and Heather's parents. It was really neat to see a part of a country that I never had seen before and to spend time with Heather's extended family.

One of the coolest things about the trip, honestly, was the food. I may have written about this before, but I really enjoy food. This may explain why I am considered to large to be a fashion model, Jabba the Hutt stand in, or walrus. But I really do like food. Even if I was thin, I assume I would like food. I enjoy cooking. One of the best parts of this whole change of life has been that I have taken over the cooking. Heather is a great cook. But I like trying out recipes and cooking. I have made some things that I never had before - and they have been good. Yesterday I created a new recipe. I made drop biscuits in a muffin tin and then topped them with leftover mashed potatoes mixed with cheese and bacon. It was like a poor man's version of Pizzeria Uno's Pizza Skins. And they were good.

So my love for food is not just because I love stuffing my face. I enjoy trying things and making things. I like going to new places. As anyone I have visited should know, when I go to a new place I want to "try places I can't go back home." I remember when I went to Australia back in 2000. A bunch of the people with me wanted to eat at McDonalds and stuff. In three weeks, I had BK Lounge once, Pizza Hut once, KFC once. That was it. I made stuff like lasagna and sausages. I went to vendors to try kebabs (which rocked) and meat pies.

Pennsylvania was similar. They had the best cheesesteaks in the world - and I tried a dozen different places. I ate pirogues. We ate at awesome stand alone diners. And I wondered why things couldn't be like that down in Orlando. I thought about and had a theory. Orlando is a very "new" city. It may have existed for a while, but most of it has sprung up as a result of Disney (60s) and UCF (90s). Those places grew after the big chain restaurants had established themselves. So when you drive through Orlando, there aren't unique restaurants. Some areas, you will find some stand alone places - like in Winter Park. These Pennsylvania joints had been open for fifty years and stuff. They had renovated and expanded and changed ownership. But they were part of the landscape. And their strength of reputation had helped them fight off the big companies.

The other reason is that places like that always seem to be cheaper. The big chains say they have buying power, and they do charge less than a lot of places. But they never seem to keep up with these older diners and such. For example, in PA I could get a cheesesteak for 3.99 at several places. Huh? Try seven or eight bucks in a chain. My thoughts are that these older places own their places, equipment, lots. They don't pay astronomical leases. They don't rent their knives. So they have lower overhead. And they are family run, so they save on payroll. Look at the next time a new stand alone comes along. They always are more expensive than the older ones, and more than the chains. Down in Oviedo, Nick's Restaurant opened up right before we moved. We tried it one night and were stunned at how much their pizza cost. You could feed a youth group for the same amount at Domino's. It seems to be the same story at most of the newer places. They are stuck in bad leases, they don't have volume buying, and so they have to charge more.

Well, in Tallahassee I have discovered that it is more along the lines of Allentown. It is an older established city. There are a ton of local places around town. They have carved out their niche, and as a result they have fought off the chains. There are only like four Chick-Fil-A stand alones in Tallahassee. You have to drive to find a Taco Bell. Why? Well, you have to pass five GOOD Mexican places before you hit the Mexican Phone Company. There are four chicken places on Tennessee Ave alone. You don't HAVE to go to the chain places. Sure, they have crept in around town. But there are also a bunch of great local places. Here are some I have found so far:

• 1 Fresh Stir Fry - Our favorite new place. You pick the items you want and they cook it up and give it to you. It is like Macaroni Grill's "Design Your Own Pasta" but better. You can pick rice or noodles. You can make it like Italian, Mexican, Chinese, or Bacon Cheeseburger Pasta. And they serve Pepsi! Best Spring Rolls I have ever had. And it costs $9 for a huge bowl that always give you two filling meals. (Reheats well too)
• La Fiesta - This Mexican place on Apalachee Parkway is like three minutes from our apartment. We all went here last week with Greg. All five Staples ate until we were full - quesadillas, chicken tenders for the kids, enchiladas. $30. I can handle that once in a while. Great stuff. And they serve Pepsi . . . AND Cherry Pepsi.
• Barnaby's Pizza - This is right next door to La Fiesta. Literally share a parking lot. It has absolutely amazing pizza. Braided dough crusts sprinkled with corn meal. Their hamburger topping is one of the best I've ever had. The kids love it and knock out a whole pizza by themselves. My favorite pizza place thus far. And they serve Pepsi!
• Helen's Silver Bullet Diner - This is right next door to Barnaby's. Literally share a parking lot. [Honestly, have you EVER had three epic restaurants located next door to each other? I can't remember this in my life. And I would remember something like that.] Only open for Breakfast and Lunch. Kids meals are all 1.99 or 2.99. BIG portions. I got a double cheeseburger and was embarrassed because I couldn't finish it. Gabe tore into his eggs and sausage. Natalie ate a plate-sized pancake. Josiah had a hot dog and fries. Total bill $24. Yup. And I could have gotten a regular burger and saved $2. They serve Coke, but they have ice cream.
• Decent Pizza - We have only tried one of the Ridonkulously Sized Pizza Slice places around town. (We will try Momo's at some point.) Decent is better than its name claims. Don't pay for delivery, because you get rooked. But carryout is not bad. We got a huge 24" and a "medium" 16 incher for $24. You don't realize just how big those pizzas are. We fed our family and Greg, and had enough for a family of reheats. Plus, their calzones are phenomenal. $6 for a 14" diameter calzone, stuffed with sausage (or whatever). Can't beat that.
• Red Elephant Pizza Grill - This was started by the guy who started Barnaby's. So the pizza is identical. But they have great salads (which Heather loves), awesome soup, and nice sandwiches too. And Greg gets boiled peanuts there - and I watch him eat them. Who would eat wet peanuts? They lose points for serving Coke, though.

It sounds like we eat out a lot, but we don't. Many of these places got tried when we were up here before the move. We go out one night a week and on Sundays after church - maybe one other time during the week. But we have already found six top notch local establishments. And we still haven't tried Pitaria, Momo's, Jenny's Lunch Box, Peppers, or Three Guys from New York. And Greg has a friend who owns a kick-butt bar-b-que place (best homemade sauce I've ever had). I can't remember its name and Heather hasn't tried it. So I didn't put it in there.

So when you are sitting there feeling bad for us for being exiled to FSU, just remember that we are eating well. And when you come visit us, you will too.

Little Children

I apologize that this blog is taking a bit more of a domestic turn as of late. I never had a real purpose for this blog except to serve as an outlet for my writing. It pretty much just follows my life, so right now as I begin the new adventure of being a stay-at-home dad, I guess the posts naturally follow that. As always, don't lament for too long - I'm sure the blog will return to its usual juvenile idiocy in short order.

There is something that I have noticed for some time, but it is becoming more and more apparent the more time I am around our kids. People don't like children any more. I don't mean me - I love my kids. But that is so often true . . . we love OUR kids . . . and we tolerate other people's kids. I can say that when I have close friends, I learn to love their kids like they were my own. My sister's sweet son, Toby? I would take him to live with me and raise him as my own if that ever was needed. The same could be said about my niece, Beulah, even though I have never even met her. I think the longer I have children, the more I am comfortable around other kids - and the more tender-hearted.

But the vast majority of people out there just plain don't like kids. I can tell. When we walk into a store or a restaurant, there is a flicker of disdain or pain that flies across the face of the host or hostess. This same look is reflected by customers and service staff. It is like, "Oh great, here comes a whirlwind." Now, my kids are very very cute. I am biased, but other people agree with this. The first thought a person should have is, "Dang, them there are some cute kids." (Remember we are now in Tallahassee - this is how they talk here.) It is usually only after hanging around my kids that someone realizes that they are, well, kids.

Kids. Juveniles. Minors. The very names indicate that these are not fully functioning and mature humans. They are still growing and learning. They still don't know how to act all the time. And if they do know, they don't remember. And sometimes, yes, they are just belligerent and stinky and whining. But that is part of growing up. This is not tolerated.

Some examples, please....

• The other day our downstairs neighbors were getting in their car as we were arriving. So I took a moment to go and check on our noise level. Having lived below a family at our last place, I know it can be loud. So I kindly asked. The husband goes, "It's not too bad." The wife glares at him and me. "No, it is horrible. Absolutely terrible." I was startled. He tried to cover. "They are just kids, we know it is going to be a little loud." She shoots more ocular daggers. "No, he's being kind. It is just so so loud." I just stared. I apologized. I said I was doing my best to keep them quiet, especially at nap time and night time. Now, these people have a three year old and the mom is pregnant. You would think there would be some communal goodwill. I guess we won't be invited downstairs for dinner.
• The McDonald's at our Walmart is pretty small. The tables are right up against each other. So when we sit at our benches, we are right up against other people at other tables. Well, that is just an invitation for our kids to turn around and try to talk to these people, check them out, steal their food (kidding, I think). One time, the person next to us was very cool about this. The other times the people were visibly wolfing their food to escape. I am sitting there correcting the kids constantly. "Be quiet, turn around, stop looking at them, keep your toys on the table." This is Mickey D's! They give the kids freaking toys! It is fast food. This isn't like I dragged my kids to Morton's and we shared table space with a dating couple. Really, these people are on MY territory. But they glare at you when your kids try to play with their wind up dinosaur.
• We are trying to find a new church. Our old one is in Orlando, so it is a bit of a commute. One of the things that is so hard with churches now is what to do with the kids. There are a ton of traditional, older churches that have tons of kids' programs, classes, facilities. But many of these places come with some of the "stuck in the mud" grime that can accompany an older church. The newer churches don't have anything for the kids, in many cases. Sure, they have a place to send them during service. But it is largely a holding pen so the parents can have a break for an hour. And God forbid if your kids doesn't like being penned up. If you have a crier (like Gabe), the workers can't stand seeing you coming and want to offer you tons of advice about how to make their lives easier.
• This stems off of the last one. Both Natalie and Gabe had trouble transitioning into a nursery setting. Nat was fine once she got into preschool, with teachers and such. But in the "nursery," she hated going and cried. Gabe does the same thing. A big part is that they don't want to leave Heather. They have been with her all day. They nursed longer than many kids. They co-slept. All of these things lead to trouble with nursery, babysitters. They grow out of it. But you hear all kinds of stuff. Basically, we get berated regularly for letting our kids get "too attached" to us. They "like us too much." We should force them into uncomfortable situations more often so they handle them better. Huh? But we also hear parents frequently talk about how their kids aren't going to "change their lives."

This is all what I don't get. Kids change your life. They change it for the better. You get to watch little people grow up. You get to be a part of crafting a person. It may be tiring, but it keeps you young and on your toes. It forces you to be better because so much is riding on you. I can honestly say that being with the kids has been great. I have been stressed and tired. But I feel better than I have for years. I am moving and active. I can't afford to be lazy and sit around. I am more disciplined and organized. I am more patient and gentler. And I can tolerate a lot more.

It used to be that I would get very upset at our kids for being loud or crazy. Now, I understand a lot of that is them playing and learning. Sure, they can't do this all the time. But they don't and they won't. I remember that with Josiah, we stressed about everything. He didn't potty train or wean from the bottle fast enough. He wouldn't go to sleep when we wanted him to. But by Gabe, we realized that it may be on a different time table then we want - but it will happen when it is time. That different approach makes this much easier. But most people won't be tolerant. It used to be that a whole community was a part of raising a kid. The people around town loved kids. But now that is not the case. The thing that stresses me now is worrying that people around are going to get angry. I worry they are going to hate me or my kids. Why I care, I don't know. But I do.

It's too bad, really. It stinks that people don't have that soft spot for kids any more. Because kids will just totally brighten your day if you let them. As I type this, Gabe is running around with a blanket on his head. The three of them have turned a laundry basket into a boat and a clubhouse. Natalie brushed my hair earlier. Josiah was just reading Gabe word cards, teaching him how to say words. Most people wouldn't even notice that. They would just be angry because the laundry basket was getting bent, their hair was getting messed up, and the running pounded on the floor. Boy are they missing out. Give my kids a chance and they will change your world. They changed mine. And it is my job to make sure the change they make is for good and for eternity. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to show them how to make spaghetti. And I'm sure they will make a mess.

Hardest Job

Well, here I sit.  I'm waiting to watch my Orlando Magic begin their battle with the LA Lakers.  I hate the Lakers.  I always have hated them.  When it was the Lakers vs. the Celtics - I hated both of them.  But now, after the Shaq poaching and the Kobe worshipping.  Jeez.  I hate the Lakers.  They may be my least favorite NBA team - although the Cavaliers are rapidly dropping.  So, if the Magic can perform some, well, magic, I will be a happy happy man.  

It is nice to just park my butt in a chair and not move for a while.  Sure, part of it is because I have trouble moving right now (get to that in a second).  But part of it is that I am just dog tired.  As all five of you who read this regularly know, our family recently made a major change.  My wife Heather, who has been the primary caregiver and stay-at-home parent, is now attending FSU Med School to become a doctor.  As we have quickly discovered, that is definitely a full time job.  She leaves at 7:15 or 8:00am and gets home at 5:45pm.  And even that doesn't really give her enough time, so she studies for several hours at night.  I have now moved into the at-home role.

Now, I am certainly not that guy who thinks that his wife doesn't do anything.  I have been home off and on due to my schedule for years now.  So I know how tough it is being at home all day with the kids.  Or I thought I understood.  I guess I really didn't understand at all.  I have come up with several misconceptions that I had that have already been dispelled this week.

MISCONCEPTION #1:  You Have Plenty of Time to Do Everything

You're home all day.  You have three or four things on your list.  How hard is it to get things done?  Well, on a regular day where nothing happens out of the ordinary, that would be fine.  However... HOWEVER...  (The moms are already laughing.)  There is ALWAYS something that happens.  One day, the laundry room flooded.  The washer wasn't hooked up right.  So when it drained, it ran all over the floor.  That took over an hour to clean, plus the time to get behind the washer to tighten everything.  Gabe was trying to get into the laundry room and mess with everything.  The kids took the opportunity to tear all over the place.  I wasn't planning for that.  Next, my glasses broke.  Nothing happened to them.  Took them off my face and they just fell apart.  Now three different days had time that had to reallocated to getting new glasses.  Today we spent two hours at Sam's Club with an eye appointment, picking glasses, fighting with the kids.  Needless to say, I didn't get dinner made.

MISCONCEPTION #2:  Taking the Kids Out is a Good Way to Pass the Time

I actually told my wife this.  I told her to take the kids to the mall or whatever to help kill time.  Yeah right.  Going out is ridiculous.  At home, you can yell and scream and hit -- uh, I mean discipline -- without worrying.  Out in the big bad world, you never know what people are going to think.  If your kids are screaming, they wish you would shut them up.  If your kids are walking around, they wish you would get them in line.  If you are smacking your kids, they are judging you for hitting.  If you flip out in a store and start screaming at your insane offspring for spitting on each other or pushing Gabe out of the cart or wrestling over a chair, they think you have no self-control.  Taking the kids out is stupid.  It is reckless.  It is a last resort.

MISCONCEPTION #3:  Making Phone Calls is Easy - Just Call Them

I remember numerous times telling Heather, "Call Soand Sew today.  Will that work?"  And then I'd get home and wonder why it didn't happen.  Or I would call that person in the car and get it done.  I never quite understand the problem.  Now I understand.  The second the phone hits your ear, the kids see that as a signal to act like a bunch of over-caffeinated monkeys.  They scream.   They come ask you questions.  They beg for food and water, as if they have been held prisoner deep in the bowels of the dungeon for weeks and only now have seen the light.  They fight about everything - the tv, toys they haven't used in years, the weather, politics.  And you sound like an absolute idiot to the person on the other end.  "Yes, I under...STOP IT...stand sir.  What?  No, I was just saying ...GOOD LORD, STOP TACKLING HIM...this problem is not going away...UNLESS YOU QUIT I AM GOING TO STRING YOU UP...no, I wasn't threatening you."

MISCONCEPTION #4:  Preparing Food Is Fun and Easy - Like a Hobby

I love cooking.  I love watching food shows.  I make lasagna and pizza and cookies and all kind of fun stuff.  However, I no longer love it.  It is now a chore, and an annoying one at that.  Why?  Well, there are several things.  One, the kids want to help.  Only they don't know how.  And they ask about the worst stuff.  You are cooking Italian sausage.  It is popping and steaming.  You are burning yourself every time you take the lid off.  "Can I help?  I want to help.  Why can't I help?  You don't like me!"  The other thing is that these children change their tastes all the time.  Natalie, for the longest time would eat eggs for breakfast, hot dogs for lunch, mac and cheese for dinner.  Every day.  It wouldn't bother her at all.  This week, she has decided that she doesn't like eggs or hot dogs.  What?  My go-to meals are gone.  Eggs were the one thing that all three kids would scarf without griping.  No more.

MISCONCEPTION #5:  Falling Down on the Job Isn't So Bad

If you mess up once in a while, it is okay.  I used to tell Heather, "So you had a bad day.  Tomorrow is better.  Don't worry."  We all fall down on the job.  Well, the other day I took that literally and literally fell down on the job.  Well, I actually fell down on Gabe.  It was raining and the Walmart lot was wet.  My stupid Crocs slipped out from under me and I fell forward onto the asphalt.  Actually, like I said, Gabe was in between me and the asphalt.  Somehow, he was fine.  I braced him and only landed on his legs, which weren't even scratched.  I was beat up.  My elbows, wrist, knees all were sore.  Today, the next day, my whole rib cage is aching.  That is part of the reason that dinner didn't get made and that I am sitting like a lump.  I'm thinking, "Man, Heather watched these kids for over seven years and never fell on one of them.  Sure, they rolled out of the bed, but that's different.  She never fell with them in their arms.  I FELL ON GABE!"  He didn't like it either.  Wailed and wailed.  I guess he didn't like being whaled.  (Couldn't resist.)  Falling is humiliating and painful.  And it ruins your whole day.  It makes you doubt yourself.  (And, yes, I'm referring to both physical and metaphorical falling down.)

So my first week has been interesting and eye-opening.  It is a little scary, that this is just the first week of an eight year journey.  But I hope that once we get used to this process, it will all change.  I'll be more comfortable.  The kids will be used to the new way of doing things.  Heather will be in a routine at the school.  And I will be wearing shoes with better traction.  

What to Do with Jonas

So, I've been trying to figure out what to think of the Jonas Brothers.  

Sure, that may seem like a weird thing to be spending my time worrying about.  But, since our move to Tallahassee and my change of career (to, well, uh, no career), I have way more time to think about useless things.  [Yay!  The blog should be rife with stupidity any day now!]  

It's not like I am obsessed with the Jonas Brothers.  I don't own a single song of theirs.  I don't own any movies or shows they are in.  I just observe the development of the band - well, can you call them a band any more?  They were originally just a confection created by the Disney machine.  That alone should qualify them for a big write-off.  But something happened along the way.  The kids write their own songs, play their own instruments.  They are hugely popular among young girls, teen girls, parents.  And now, they have their own show. 

Ah, the show.  Have you seen the show?  Originally, the thought of watching Jonas: The Show was about as attractive as watching Hippos Gone Wild on Animal Planet.  But one day I got stuck watching as the show came on and my kids were watching.  You know what?  It is funny.  No, seriously.  It is funny.  Not just lame and "tweener Disney contrived funny."  It has some really funny moment - mostly at the self-awareness of just how corny the band itself is on the verge of being at any given moment.  Did you ever watch the Monkees?  I used to watch it when I was growing up.  It was hilarious.  Jonas is in the same vein as the Monkees - and that is a compliment.  

The beauty of the Monkees show was that it was so over the top.  It was just goofy silly, largely poking fun at how ridiculous it was that people were going so insane over bands like the Beatles and other Brit groups.  I remember one show where Davy Jones was given a gig in a movie.  The other guys noticed how he was becoming so egomaniacal, so they tried to sabotage his performance.  At one point, they changed his cue cards.  He looks deep into the eyes of this blond beach bunny.  "I just need to say those three words.  You know, those three little words.  You're Under Arrest."  I laughed so hard at that.  It was just stupid.

I had the same feeling watching the Jonas show.  The episode I saw was about how the band wanted to go outside to get some silly item, but were going to be mobbed by the crowd of adoring fans.  I swear, that was a Monkees episode.  And the guys pulled it off - along with the expected song performances.  

The funniest Jonas appearance I've seen was actually in Night at the Museum 2.  It took me a while to realize it was them.  If you see the movie, pay careful attention to the cupids.  Their performance in those roles didn't just zing themselves, but they actually poked fun at every boy band in the last twenty years.  So, it is apparent that they have natural humor.  And anyone who has listened to any of their music realizes they have some really good musical chops.  And it doesn't hurt that they are attractive, young, and backed by Disney itself.  

So where does this go?  What is their ceiling?  Are they going to be successful separately, or do they have to stick together to win?  Will this be like 'NSync, where there can be only one star surviving?  Will they be relevant once they get to be adults?  This is a question facing all the Disney and Nick stars.  All of them are fighting to keep their Disney ties, while pulling away.  [Entertainment Weekly had a great story on this a couple weeks ago in their magazine.]  I don't know if we have really had a group like this come on the scene.  We've had groups that drew teeny boppers.  Let's not forget the Beatles were once dismissed as a trite youth band, before they had a hugely successful career.  What if the Beatles had Disney behind them?  Where would their career have gone?  Would it have helped or hurt?  

In that case, what if the Monkees had Disney behind them?  They were mildly popular with some big hits, but they didn't have much true talent.  If they actually could play and write well, how would things have been different?  And if they had a huge entertainment entity backing them?  Who knows?  I'm just curious to see what happens with the Jonas clan in the next few years.  Television?  Movies?  Music?  Broadway?  No clue.  Are they the next Baldwin brothers?  The next Estevez/Sheen clan?  Okay, maybe those are poor examples.

Well, I sense that you all are dumber for having read this.  I will do my best to create something more useful and intelligent next time.  But, if you end up paying homage to the Jonas Empire in a few years, don't blame me.  I tried to warn you.  And yooooou didn't listen.

Movie Resurrection

Now that the move is basically done, I will be able to spend more time on the blog.  One thing I enjoy doing is reviewing movies as I see them on my Rotten Tomatoes site.  (You can find the link to the left)  I have already seen Wolverine and Star Trek, and will see Night at the Museum 2 tomorrow.  As I see a movie, I usually review it over at RT and then put the link on my little movie listing on the right of this blog.  So, be looking for those.

Also, I plan on putting some posts up in the next couple of days about different things.  So be looking for those.  Or be running from those.  Yeah.