A Week of Answered Prayer

So by the old filing system, you can tell that this is a posting of the religious nature, so decide if you want to continue. I can wait. . . Oh, hey, so you're still here. Good. I know that I have posted a few times about the troubles and difficult days of our New World Order - me being home and wifey being at school. I was thinking about it, and it isn't right for me just to post on the weird and bad stuff and not mention the good - or the REALLY good. There are a couple of reasons that I shy away from the happier topics. First of all - and this really is the biggest thing in my mind - the rough stuff is funnier. I like to write and make people laugh. And it is easier to tell the weird stuff in a way to bring cheer - you know, laughing at someone else's expense, commiserating together, stuff like that. This leads into my second reason. Too often, when one is expressing the good stuff going on, it seems like bragging or rubbing it in. I don't want to do that. For all I know, you may have had a horrible week. I don't want you to sit there and resent my good week because you had a bad one. I know my friend Jill lost her dad last week. And I'm mourning with her, but she also could use some encouragement. Third, I'm a weirdo. But you already knew that.

So this is how this all went. We have gone through the whole summer. Heather is finally going to finish this semester next week. It is hard to believe that we already have been here for a whole semester! Of course, Heather has done awesome in her classes and is already establishing herself as a medical force to be reckoned with. Her classmates love her and so do her professors. And she is having a ball. And things have gone well at home. The kids have really acclimated well. There have been bumps - boredom is never a good thing for three kids in a small apartment. We actually had a rough stretch of a couple weeks where I was wondering if the kids had been swapped with human torturing robots. But it seemed everything turned late last week.

To what do I owe this transformation? I would like to have something really impressive like I cracked open a new set of parenting books or had a good talking to with them. But the fact of the matter is that we were at Sam's last week and bought a new Wii video game. DON'T JUDGE ME!!! I can see you shaking your heads already. The kids had been bored - and they had put up with a lot. So we were looking at the Wii games and Super Mario Galaxy was there for $25. I thought about it and had heard good stuff about the game. I had rented it and the kids seemed to like it. Well, I figured, "We don't go to movies. We don't go out to eat much any more. This is a better investment than those things." Well, the kids have found endless hours of play time - both Nat and Josiah like it. So that helped right away.

The other things that were giving us a some difficulties was the fact that we had not met anyone really up here. Heather had all of her med school classmates. And we, of course, have Greg and his parents. And there is Amanda, but she just went through a big life change herself. And then a couple of others - but nothing like we had in Orlando. We had not found a church, yet. We actually have only had a couple of Sundays to even have a chance to look. And that was really started to wear on us. Combine that with the "end of the semester financial strain waiting for the new disbursement to happen" and things were getting to be hard.

So here is the day by day rundown:

Friday

Heather got to go in later. And that night, Greg was able to come over. He and I went over to the Downtown Digital Dome to watch the U2 at D3 multi-media show. It was nowhere near as good as the stuff they do at MOSI in Tampa. But it was an hour of U2 on an awesome sound system. And it was free. And I got to spend some time with Greg, which is always a delight. Plus, it got us even more excited for the U2 concert in two months in Tampa.

Saturday

Like every day, Heather had to take some time to study. This is normal - I can think of only a handful of days since May that she has studied nothing all day. But, we then went to dinner over at one of Heather's classmate's house. He is an old college roomie of a friend of mine, went to UF, and knew several ministers I know. He and his wife invited us over - neither couple is from Tally and neither of us knew a whole lot of people. It was such a wonderful evening, being able to have adult conversation. (Another one of Heather's classmates was watching our kids.) We all had such similar outlooks on life, faith, medicine. It was a really neat time with some new friends - which is something we desperately needed.

Sunday

We were trying to get serious about finding a church. I don't like missing church and don't want my kids to get into the opinion that it is not important. We had planned on visiting a church across the street that meets in a movie theater. But Greg was trying Thomasville Road Baptist. This was one we had looked at visiting - it was recommended by some fellow ministers. But we just hadn't gotten there. So we decided to go. It was such a wonderful time. The service was not as contemporary as we have been used to. But the music was good and genuine. The pastor's sermon was very solid - encouraging us to pray boldly and specifically. It actually went against a lot of the (as he said) "broad, generic wimpy prayers" that are encouraged now. And the people were so friendly. As a church staff veteran, I know that there are people who "have to be" nice. These are greeters, staff members, deacons. But the people there who were not in those roles also reached out.

The kids loved their time. And Gabe actually made it through service and through part of Sunday School. The cool thing was that they buzzed us when he was not getting calm - a lot of churches take it upon themselves to help your kids acclimate. And when we got him, the director was very sweet to him and us. She smiled at him and said, "He did good. He made it an hour, which is good for a little guy in a new place." That meant a ton - to know that she wasn't going to lecture us on how we needed to be tougher. The strangest thing that happened was in Sunday School - or the 15 minutes we were in there. While I was talking to one of the guys in there, we were comparing similar things in our past. (His wife is from Oviedo, he lived in WPB and went to PBAC when my brother was there, he was a Marine like my dad.) He asked what I had done at the churches I worked at and I told him I was the Graphics Guy. A couple of minutes later, he said, "You do graphics?" I said yup. He asked what I was doing now. I explained how I was the stay-at-home parent. "You want a job?" Huh? Heather asked if I could work at home. He said, "Probably. I would have to check." He explained the situation and said to contact him this week. Whuuuu....? So they are looking at me as a freelancer. Didn't see that coming. After church, we went to lunch with Greg and a couple that he knows from TRBC. Another wonderful time with new friends. Sunday was a good day.

Tuesday

This was the weird day. (Oh, yes, weirder than Sunday.) Heather had school all day and we hung around the house - playing Wii, using the computer, doing our normal routine. Except we were adding in the dreaded realization that we had to go to the store. We were running low on the supporting characters for our meals and . . . (shudder) . . . diapers. When you have little money, shopping is not a cool thing to have to do (especially the money pit of diapers). Add to it that Heather didn't get home until 5:30, so dinner and grocery slammed up against each other. We came up with a game plan. We would go to Target to get their store brand diapers on one bank account, eat there (lousy cheap hot dogs), and then go to Publix for the rest. We toyed with hitting Wally World for all it, but I shot that down. I like Publix brand stuff and wasn't ready to switch at that point. So off to Target. I just couldn't stomach eating there, though. Every time we go there (as I wrote before) the food is a fiasco. I suggested going to Chick Fil A, knowing that it would be painful to the slim account. Surprise - it was KIDS NIGHT! So our final bill was the same as at Target. We ran over and got diapers and headed to Publix.

We were being careful, getting what we needed. As anyone with a caravan of kids know, you can be a spectacle at the store. The kids were being good, but they were still kids. Josiah had to go the bathroom, so I walked him over and then watched for him as Heather wheeled the other two in the gigantic truck cart. (Have you tried driving those things? With the kids in them, they weigh a thousand pounds. It's like pushing Volvo uphill.) Some guy saw us and joked about how difficult it looked and wondered why I was walking behind instead of pushing. We laughed with him about it and continued shopping. When we went to check out, he was in the aisle next to us and kept smiling at us. I started to feel a little weird, not being used to being ogled. I loaded up the food on the moving walkway. I scanned my card and the cashier told me, "You have a guardian angel. Someone paid for your bill." Uh, what? I looked over at the guy, as he deftly avoided my eyes. I couldn't believe it. I had heard of stuff like that happening. But never had it done. Someone just picked up our $71 grocery bill. He probably had no idea how much that meant to us, but it was unbelievable.

There's been lots of other things, too. Heather had two tests this week and did well on both. She has three next week, but seems really on top of stuff - no surprise there. A bunch of the kids' homeschool materials were 35% off for no reason at all. The kids have been awesome. In short, it seems like we have kind of hit our stride. Next week will be crazy. Heather has the tests, I am going to Orlando to teach some seminars for our old school, Heather has her White Coat ceremony next Friday, Heather's brother and sister in law are coming down to Jax, and we will be driving all over tarnation. We get a week off, and then school starts back up for Heather and the kids. It was kind of like this week was a good refreshing charge-up for the next race. It is just very clear, that even in this new place, we are not doing this alone.

College of Medicine

I have wanted to write this post for a long time, but I was afraid to.  Part of it was because I knew it was going to be very long.  Part of it was because I don't come off too well for the first good bit of the story.  But I guess I need to just go ahead and write it.  So apologies if I damage your highly inflated view of me - or if the post is insanely long.  

When I was growing up, I had views of how a family should be.  Some of this was from my own family experiences.  Some of it was from church and the very conservative school I went to through my Elementary years.  Basically, the husband worked; the wife stayed home.  He brought in the money; she did all the housework.  He was in charge; she was in submission.  He was the final say and ultimate disciplinarian; she did, well, just about everything else.  Those women who "insisted" on working did not accept authority - either earthly or heavenly.  [Dude, I warned you that I don't come off well.]  So in my little brain, I just assumed that my wife was going to always be home with the kids.  Sure, she needed to finish college "just in case."  And when I entered the ministry, my wife was going to be my support and help the ministry succeed.  

Well, then along came Heather.  We were dating, and one day started to discuss the future.  I'm really not sure how everything played out.  I just know that my dear Heather dropped the bomb that she wanted to go to Medical School.  I just sat in the car stunned.  What?!?  And thus began one of our first arguments.  Huge argument.  I'm sitting thinking that my point of view is completely accurate.  I even was generous enough to offer the whole "once the kids are in school" caveat.  But she was really convinced that she was going to go to Med School.  Well, I loved Heather and wanted to marry her.  So I just figured that she would come around.  (And she was just praying I would come around.)  

Being the awesome person she is, Heather knew how much the concept of Med School bothered me.  She tried everything.  She planned to do Nursing School, accounting, medical technician, teacher.  She looked at anything else she could.  The problem was, none of them fit.  I noticed this, but i just couldn't come to grips with her going to Medical School.  I had realized that she needed to do something.  She is happier when she has something to do - school, job, something.  She's a great mom - but a better mom when there is something else demanding time.  [NOTE: I'm not saying that women staying home is wrong.  I think for many families, that is the best option.  This is our experience - nothing more to be read into this story.]

Well, about four or five years into our marriage, our church was going through 40 Days of Purpose.  I had been really struggling with what I was supposed to do with my life.  I had a hard time believing that I was supposed to design bulletin shells all the time.  I was praying a lot about what to do.  During the study, God really crystallized some things in my mind.  God gives us talents, gifts, and passions.  When we are utilizing all three of those, we are able to do so much for God.  We're good at what we do, God is blessing it, we are enjoying it.  And for me, that was teaching and writing.  I was thrilled to figure this out.  I needed to find out a place to make this work.  FINALLY - DIRECTION!!!  I met with my supervisor and our pastor.  They both talked with me and prayed that I would find something that gave me an opportunity to write and teach.  It actually wasn't too much later that Defender Ministries began.  I have been able to teach thousands of people, have written tons of curriculum, and really found my purpose.  

Meanwhile, back at home, my wife was still struggling.  And one day, leaving church, God punched me in the eye.  I had just taught my college guys Sunday School class and was heading home.  Heather had stayed home (again) with sick kids.  I was feeling awesome about myself, and actually was thanking God for giving me a chance to do what He made me to do.  "Feeling pretty good, huh?  That's great.  So why is that YOU can feel that way, that YOU can do what I made you to do - and your wife cannot?"  You know that moment when you were a kid and you had done something wrong and the teacher walked up?  That moment when you wished you could teleport somewhere else?  Well, you know that whole verse about "where can you go and hide from God?"  Yeah....

The whole way home I just rotated that question in my mind.  I couldn't justify it.  Heather was obviously talented with science.  She had the gifts of compassion and discernment.  And she was passionate about people and medicine.  How could I continue to fight and tell her she had to ignore those things?  When I got home I apologized and told her that I was going to do everything I could to make sure she was able to pursue Med School.  Was I terrified?  Uh, yeah.  (Am I still?  Sometimes.)  But I gave her my word.  And I don't lie to my wife.

She finished school - with a degree Molecular and Microbiology.  She graduated with a 3.7 GPA.  Her GPA after having kids was 3.95.  Darth Gabus came along after Med School, which means she took the MCAT with a seven month old.  She got a 30.  (For those of you, like me, who know nothing about MCATs -- that's really good).  And then we applied all over the place and waited.  I kept on telling her that if God wanted her to go, she would go.  Sure, there were days I hoped that someone (or Someone) changed their mind.  But I don't lie to my wife.

And we waited.

And we waited.

We wanted to get into UCF.  One, it was home.  Two, we had so much here.  Three, the school I was teaching at and Josiah was attending was awesome.  Four, it was free.  But 4300 people applied for 40 spots.  So we waited . . . and waited . . . and waited.

It got to be discouraging, as months rolled on with nothing.  Sure, we sent off tons of secondary applications.  But no contact.  We at one point were concerned about having to choose between schools.  I started praying that we would just get one school - the place we should go.  "God, we're dumb.  We'll mess this up.  Just tell us where to go."  I had prayed this way before and it had worked out (right before Heather and I started dating, actually).  So I tried it again.  And waited.

And waited.

Finally, in February Heather got contacted by FSU.  They wanted to interview her.  We drove the unbelievably mind-numbing drive up and she had her interview.  "At this late date, if things go well, you'll probably be wait listed.  Don't expect to get accepted right away."  The interview went well, but that ominous statement was issued as well.  And they dropped the bomb that they started May 26 - not August like we were planning.

We still were hoping to hear from UCF - or UF or USF.  But Heather had fallen in love with FSU.  It was everything she wanted.  I was thrilled for her - except - it was in Tallahassee.  I don't have anything against Tallahassee.  One of my best friends, Greg Ramer, lives there.  I had fond memories of the city.  But what about my school?  What about our friends?  What about Defender?  What about me?  

Again, God hit me with a question.  "Why does it always have to be about you?"  Dang.  FSU called a couple days later.  They flat out accepted her.  No wait list.  Just a "Please come here.  We want you here."  Then UCF emailed to say, sorry but no.  UF and USF followed suit.  God had indeed answered my prayer.  There was one place - FSU.  It meant changing everything in our family.  I would stay home and homeschool the kids.  She would go to school for four years, residency for four years, and then be a full doctor.  I was so proud of her.  But....

All that stuff from the first part of this post came rumbling back.  This wasn't normal.  This wasn't the way things were supposed to be.  I felt selfish thoughts continue to boil up.  My ego didn't like being second banana.  I didn't like the thought of sitting around for years, while she was able to pursue what she wanted.  I wanted assurances about time constraints and chances to have personal time.  I had never given her those things.  But I felt it was my right.

I didn't like those things surfacing.  I felt like junk for a couple weeks.  There was a war going on inside.  The man I wanted to be - the one who would allow God to do something surprising and who would support his wife - was battling the man I used to be - the one whose view of the world began and ended with himself.  When we headed up to FSU for Open House, I still was fighting and hoping something would resolve.

Having hours to kill on a drive allows for conversation.  So I just spilled out what I was battling with.  I told Heather all of it - even the parts that made me look bad.  I don't lie to my wife.  She responded by saying she completely understood that battle.  The biggest concern she had about this whole move was that I would never feel taken for granted.  We both prayed that the weekend would be helpful to iron out some issues. 

Once we got to the school, I started to understand.  I listened to the way the school is set up.  It is like it was created for Heather.  The way she views medicine, views people - is what the school values.  They chose her BECAUSE of who she was - not in spite of it.  They picked her because she was a mom with a strong faith.  They saw her as the exact type of student they wanted.  Every step of the weekend just showed how much God was in all of this.  We found a place to live that was perfect for us.  Which was the perfect companion to the school that was perfect for Heather.

Am I still nervous?  Oh, yeah.  I know my weaknesses and fear for my children's sanity at times.  I wonder how all of this will work - the finances, the schooling, the homeschooling.  But I know for sure this is where we are supposed to go.  And I have stopped trying to generate "something for me" up there.  This isn't about me.  My role is to minister to my wife and kids for this season.  And I am getting excited.  I'm not saying that every family has to do this.  I just know that OUR family is supposed to do this.

So in less than two months, we are moving to Tallahassee.  Heather is going on the adventure of her life.  She is going to study and thrive.  She is going to be a leader.  She is going to touch so many lives.  And she still is going to be a great mom, and a great wife, and a godly woman - and a great doctor.  In a few years, we probably will move again for residency.  I have no idea what this means for me.  God hasn't shown me that yet.  All I know is that right now, I am going to do everything I can to pour my life into my kids and to support my wife.  I promised that to them.  I promised that to Heather almost five years ago.  And I don't lie to my wife.