A Sick Silence

No more games, I'm a change what you call rage

Tear this muthafudgy roof off like two dogs caged

-Eminem 

I admit it is ironic to begin this with an Eminem quote, but it accurately describes how I am feeling this morning. As we all are probably aware, the topic of sexual harassment has been at the forefront of our country’s attention recently. First, we saw the powerful Hollywood magnate Harvey Weinstein taken down by the sheer magnitude of his behavior towards women. Then we saw the rise of the “me too” awareness campaign - as women everywhere tried to show just how widespread this behavior has become.

There have been the expected responses. We have had media outlets seeing an opportunity for clicks, leading to them generating as many tie-in stories as possible. We have seen the contrarians seeing an opportunity or clicks, leading them to throw up their attempts to diminish the validity of the topic. I’m never surprised that some troglodytes emerge from the woodwork at these moments, just to prove there still are backward thinkers around. We also saw the usual mass of people freak out who, up until this particular news broke, were perfectly fine letting Weinstein continue to mow his way through the female population of Hollywood. That is always amusing and annoying - celebrities tripping over themselves to condemn a person that most of them knew was doing something wrong.

This whole song and dance is so common, and such an easy red herring. People love jumping all over the (mostly) liberal celebrities who now must express outrage at a big-time Democratic donor. We see posts and blogs and tweets shooting at how both sides handled it. The battle builds so much that it is easy to forget WHAT exactly the argument was about. You know, like the whole National Anthem kneeling fight. The saddest part of that whole kerfuffle is that the extremely important issue that started the protests (systematic racial discrimination and mistreatment) is completely ignored.

Well I am not going to let that happen. The issue is out there, so let’s deal with it. There have been some really thoughtful pieces out there on the topic of sexual harassment in the last few days, and I don’t pretend to bring anything revolutionary to the table. But I’ve been trying to be more consistent in voicing it when my righteous anger is stoked. This offering doesn’t get any clever allegories or poems. It is about as straightforward as can be.

The status quo in this country is that women are routinely marginalized, harassed, and demeaned. They make less money. They have more difficulty climbing the work ladder. They consistently have to deal with guys who believe it is in their rights, as men, to say and do whatever they want to women. These men are protected by their status in their company, church, community. Women have gotten to where they feel they have to just accept this as the way things are. And the only time something is done about it is when things are grievously out of proportion to “the norm.” I have no doubt that Harvey Weinstein would still hold his position if it were not for the sheer volume of accusers. Even still, the more extreme accusations are met with some doubt. Rose McGowen’s claim that Weinstein raped her was uncomfortably ignored or refuted in favor of more exciting names on lists.

This is WRONG. The “good old boys’ club” mentality is wrong. The “dirty old man” mindset is wrong. The “scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” exchange is wrong. The “how far will you go to get the job” question is wrong. The “little bit of humor” excuse is wrong. The “she was asking for it” defense is wrong. It is all wrong. It was wrong back then; it is wrong now.

Of the Highest Value

It is wrong that my thirteen year old daughter had to sit in her health class last year as the teacher taught the girls what to do to avoid rape and never even mentioned to the boys to, you know, not rape people. It is wrong that she was ridiculed and attacked for speaking up about that unfair standard.

It is wrong for my brilliant wife to have to be talked down to by male doctors just because she is a woman. It is wrong that when she walks into a patient room she is assumed to be a nurse. It is wrong that patient’s father’s say how cute the female doctors are. It is wrong that she will make less money because of her gender.

It is wrong that my female coworkers have to consistently deal with high school and college boys hitting on them during classes and events online. It is wrong that these boys think they have to right to write sexual comments to them, just because they are women.

It is wrong that women are taken advantage of at car dealerships and repair shops. It is wrong that attractive women are treated differently than other women.

It is wrong that females in journalism - especially sports journalism - have to not only prove their skills and knowledge, but also show off their legs, cleavage, rear ends, and voluminous hair. It is wrong that still after all of that, they still have to hear how cute and funny it is to hear a woman talking about pass patterns.

It is wrong that a woman wanting to break into movies or music or the entertainment industry in general has to at some point take her clothes off to get a job or advance her career or be taken seriously.

It is wrong that women are not believed when they tell people about this harassment. It is wrong their character and clothing and choices come into question instead of the person who really did something wrong. It is wrong that women know that it is so difficult to actually get anything done on this front that they don’t even bother. It is wrong that this is so prevalent that I would be hard pressed to find a single woman who could say “not me” instead of “me too.”

I would hope that we all can agree that this is wrong. I would hope. People do not deserve to be treated this way. Women do not deserve to be treated this way. This is something that should be universally fought against - something we can all agree on for once. Which is what makes this next part so painful to me.

There has been one group that has been largely silent through this, one disgustingly and disturbingly quiet group. That would be Christians, especially men. I have seen only a smattering of Christian men standing up and joining in the chorus of those crying out, “This is WRONG!” There have not been a series of tweets from Christian leaders decrying this behavior. Did Franklin Graham echo the sentiments of how women should be treated better? No. But he did use his twitter account to again promote Donald Trump - another ADMITTED sexual harasser. What about the former reverend and governor Mike Huckabee? Did he use his status to stand up for women? No. But he did make a completely classless joke via Twitter about Harvey Weinstein piloting Flight 666 the other day. You don’t like the most traditional elements? What about Joel Osteen? Did he speak out? No. Steven Furtick? No. Matt Chandler? He talked about domestic violence, so he gets a half point. Tony Evans? David Jeremiah? Chuck Swindoll? Charles Stanley? Andy Stanley? Craig Groeschel?  No. Let that soak in for a minute.

I’m guessing some of you are pretty uncomfortable right now. Some of you are probably pissed off at me that I am pointing this out. Don’t give in to the temptation to attack the messenger. Think about it. Why is this the case? Why would all of these church leaders who have such a massive influence over the evangelical masses in America not take a stand on this? Why would so many Christians follow their example and stay conspicuously silent? These are very very uncomfortable questions and the answers are even worse. These are the answers I came up with. And none of them are pretty.

1. They don’t believe this is actually happening. Sadly, I think there is a potential for this to be somewhat true. I used to go around to churches and talk to them about internet safety and purity and I’ve had church leaders tell me to my face that there isn’t a problem at their church - an hour after a different leader told me about multiple incidents that happened THAT week. The Church has been known to jam its head into the sand on issues. But I find it very difficult to believe that as a whole the Church doesn’t believe this is happening. And IF this is actually true, then things are much worse than anyone could imagine. 
2. This is traditionally a liberal/Democratic issue and something they don’t want to align with. I think there is a lot of truth to this. Having spend as long in the Church as I have, I have seen many issues that were discarded because they were promoted by the wrong party. We live in such a divisive society right now that people feel they have to take stands based on party affiliation. The big problem, to me and a lot of other Christians, is that it isn’t so simple any more. There are issues that I care about on both sides of the aisle. And this is one of them. To reject an issue just because it is from a donkey instead of an elephant is unacceptable. 
3. This strikes to close to home to the biblical patriarchy, male leadership, and biblical roles of manhood and womanhood. Personally, I think that this carries a lot of weight with a lot of people. They are concerned that taking too strong of a stand on the issues of female objectification and sexual harassment could lead to attacks on the entire issue. Ok. I can see that there would be concern there. But does that mean we continue to stay silent on a very disturbing issue? This has been a major issue for the Church for a long time - from Copernicus to slavery to tax reform. If Christians are truly supposed to be promoting the tenants of restoration and unconditional love and grace, how can they turn a blind eye to an entire GENDER being marginalized and debased? In addition, being a leader doesn’t mean being a pig. A man does not have the right to act in this manner regardless of his status. Isn’t that the very thing brought to light by the Weinstein incidents? A man in authority using his authority to demean others. There you go. If you want to be a leader, men, you should be the FIRST to lead the way on this attack. Show your sons the right way. Lead society away from this behavior. 
4. They don’t want to pull on this string because they know it will be disastrous. I have a queasy feeling that this plays too much of a role in why there has not been a wider Churchwide response.  As we are already seeing, this snowball is turning into an avalanche in the entertainment community.  An Amazon Studios exec has been fired due to his sexual harassment issue.  More and more stars are coming out and talking about what happened to them by people not named “Weinstein.”  Heads are going to roll on this. You can’t take a stand on something like this and then not do a thorough examination of your own house as well.  What would that show? I am quite confident that there are a massive number of stories that could flood out from churches where this kind of behavior was the norm. But, I think this goes even further than just the fear of pastors losing their jobs.  I think it goes right to the very top. A very large number of evangelicals threw their lot in with a professed sexual harasser.  I don’t think you need me to remind you of the multiple quotes from President Trump over the years that indicated that he practiced this kind of behavior. What happens if the Church takes a stand against this? How can they say this behavior is unacceptable and then turn around and support someone who practices it?  Things can unravel quickly.
5. They don’t think that there is anything wrong with what is going on. Of all of the reasons, this is the most stomach-churning, but the one I am the most confident actually contributes to at least some of the stonewalling going on. I would be willing to guarantee that in churches across the country, there are members who are sitting there saying, “Look at how sensitive people are. Back in the old days, this was just normal behavior. Women knew that this was just guys being guys. They didn’t get offended by it.” This guys may be deacons or prominent church members or even staff members. It is the same truth associated with why churches have been hesitant to speak out about racial equality, to speak out against white supremacy.  The ugly truth of the situation is that there are too many racists, too many misogynists sitting in church pews for the Church as a whole to take a stand against behavior like this. It is a horrible reason, but one that I know exists. I know because I have heard it in churches since I was small. I have seen it happen as long as I’ve been in church.  

I know that some people will be furious at what I am saying here. They will say that this is not the venue to air these grievances. They will say that I have no right to attack the Church like this. To that, I say that this is the perfect time to address this.  Let’s shine a white hot spotlight into the dark corners of the Church. I am not attacking the Church out of hate; it is out of love. I want this behavior eradicated. I want the people who claim to follow Christ to actually look like Him. What did Christ look like? How did He treat women? He was revolutionary in his treatment of women. In a culture where women were seen as property, He gave them value as a person. In a time when women were ordered around, He spoke gently and kindly. In a world where women had little hope, He gave them a vision of a place where they would stand tall. Don’t you DARE tell me that Jesus would look at the way women are treated in this world, by our churches, by our men, and nod in satisfaction.  “Yes. This is exactly what I envisioned.” That is not the message of Jesus Christ.  I am ashamed of the fact that the Church has turned a blind eye to people who need it the most. I am disgusted that the quietest group of all should be the ones leading the way. I am sick over the silence that shows that the Church is more of the problem than the answer.

FEATHER RUFFLING: Church Celebrity

I had kind of let this series of posts sit off to the side for a while.  The first post I wrote in the FEATHER RUFFLING series, about worship styles, generated some comments that made me question whether or not I should post items on controversial in-church issues.  However, I feel that if there are not people out there to address these items, they are just going to continue to get worse.  That being said, if you don't want to read this topic, don't.  That is why I put the handy little circle icons on each article.

Today I did something I have not done in the years since I joined Facebook.  I actually unfriended someone.  I didn't just unfriend him, I also removed myself from his fan page and stopped following him on Twitter.  Why?  Did he do something horrible?  Was it a moral failure that caused such a response?  No, to be honest, it was because I got sick and tired of his relentless self-promotion.  Multiple times a day, I was subjected to his opinions, teachings, and thoughts about everything from fatherhood to manhood to church building to sports.  And in every single case, without fail, he portrayed himself as the bringer and dispenser of correct knowledge.  His suggestion were put down as law.  It was as if God Himself had come down, spoken with that pastor, and told him that UFC was the only real sport for real men to watch.  And if they didn't, then they were not following the Biblical rules for manhood and womanhood.  This was one of his favorite areas to bloviate on - questioning the manhood of men who didn't do exactly what he did.  If you didn't have your ten kids signed up for twenty sports, while also racing across the country to speak at every single church available, you weren't a real man.

I put up with much of that.  But I finally just got tired of hearing about all the big shot people he knew and the crazy places he went.  Instead of being known for breaking down the Bible, like he built his reputation on, he know became a spokesman for the modern church.  He was everywhere - preaching seven times a weekend, going to launch churches in his self-created denomination, hobnobbing with "mega church" pastors, appearing on television and in magazines.  I used to think it was great that he had those platforms.  But I soon realized that it was actually all platforms, under the guise of being a pastor for one church.  The final statement I got from him was a justification of his huge site church on the grounds that it saved gasoline.  Good bye.

Some of you may know who I am talking about.  This isn't intended to target him - but he is an example to me of what is wrong with this modern day Church cult of personality.  We are drawn to these big shot pastors and speakers.  Our churches desperately want to reach their level of success, so like puppies our ministers follow them around - hoping to pick up some scrap that will launch their church into the stratosphere.  They go to their conferences.  They buy their books.  They get the identical $300 haircuts.  They practice the cadence.  They grown their chin hair down to their belly button.  Whatever it takes to be just like these guys.

If you don't believe this is true, just go on the Twitter accounts of some of these celebrities.  Andy Stanley, John Piper, Matt Chandler, Mark Driscoll, Carlos Whittaker, Rob Bell, Ed Young, Joel O'Steen, Rick Warren.  They will let you know how important they are.  Go to register for their conferences.  Better yet, to get a true understanding, apply to be a vendor at their conferences.  That is when you truly understand the truth of the money these guys generate.  To be an exhibitor at Andy Stanley's Catalyst conference costs over $2000 - just for a table!  (That doesn't include putting ads in the program or having add-ons at the table.  The most expensive one we've seen at another conference was $700.)

Celebrity is a dangerous game.  There are some good things about having someone to look up to.  It can drive us to be better.  It can encourage and inspire us.  But, there is a line that gets crossed.  We can see how unhealthy it is to put anyone on a pedestal.  Just examine the ways our regular celebrities routinely crash and burn.  Tiger Woods was seen as this amazing sports idol.  He was good looking, well spoken, talented beyond belief, a family man.  And he had a strong sense of giving back to the community.  Now?  Well, you would think the world of sports journalists were made up with eight year old boys - with how devastated they were to find out the truth.  We constantly hear stories about how our teenagers put ridiculous demands on themselves while trying to live up to the image or body style or fashion of some television star or singer.  What they don't see is the army of stylists and lawyers and publicists and fake romances.  They see some famous sixteen year old in public, but they don't see those same people destructing behind the scenes.

In the Church world, celebrity is even more dangerous.  Our pastors try desperately to replicate these mega ministers.  They try to implement their exact programs.  They even copy their sermons (yes, that does happen more than you think).  But, what they don't think about is that each situation is different.  Each church is unique.  It has its own staff, membership, locale, neighborhood, history.  Just because First Church of the Flamethrower in Hell's Bend, Arizona can institute a "Dragon of Death Men's Event" with huge numbers does not mean that every church can or - more importantly - SHOULD do it. I remember a few years back a big Baptist church had ridonkulous success with an evangelism program. Massive number of salvations, pretty big number of baptisms.  So, naturally, churches everywhere tried to replicate the same program.  It got so big, the entire denomination ditched its old training methods and went with this one.  What happened?  Huge flop.  Churches everywhere saw their numbers plummet - fewer members going on visitation, fewer people accepting Christ, fewer baptisms.  The creators blamed those churches, saying they did not put it into practice "exactly the way it was designed."  My argument was that they could NOT do it exactly the same - because they were not the same.  These churches across the country were not located in a tourist-heavy Florida city that revolved every single church program around this strategy.  So, by being somewhere else, they had already changed the variables.  Little wonder it didn't work.

So, just because Mark Driscoll caught lightning in a bottle in one of the most unchurched areas of the country (Seattle) and now has a monstrous multi-site church up there, it does not mean that First United Methodist Church in Woolly Boolly, Kansas needs to follow exactly the same model.  They aren't in Seattle.  They don't have the same staff or same structure or same history.  So, trying to mimic that style isn't going to have the same outcome.  That is in addition to the fact that the pastor IS NOT MARK DRISCOLL.  He shouldn't try to be.  He should try to minister to his church in his style as led by God.  (The seminaries are terrible at forcing their graduates to fit a mold.  Many a good pastor has been ruined by being seminarified.)

You know that stuff I said about the danger of following celebrities?  It is just as true with Christian celebs - if not more so.  You see, if you hear about Jesse James cavorting and cheating on Sandra Bullock - are you honestly that shocked?  Yes, they may have appeared to have a great marriage, blah blah blah.  But, at the core, they are celebrities - Hollywood celebrities.  And those people live by different rules.  Both parties have been divorced before.  Their has been substance abuse reports.  Celebrities are just like us, with all our dumb fights and arguments.  Except they also have millions of people telling them they are important.  So, that colors their behavior, enhances their worst elements.  The same is true of celebrities in the Church world.  They are the same as us - with all the same weaknesses.  They have egos and anger issues and greed and poor self esteem and vanity and selfishness and lustful hearts.  They just have a whole congregation (and sometimes a publisher, agent, editor, and denomination) that are telling them they are special.

So, it is little wonder that these people have developed attitudes and behaviors that are less than Christ-like.  I hear all kinds of horror stories about the behaviors and opinions of this class of celebrity pastor or musician.  And it isn't just hearsay - I have actually witnessed and heard some of these things for myself. There are pastors who have so isolated themselves from their own church and staff that they only talk to a handful of "chosen people."  They have special microphones that they insist on using - or they will refuse to speak.  They want a certain brand of water.  They have line items in the budget that they have complete control over - sometimes tens of thousands of dollars.  They use church resources, personnel, and funds to create their own videos, books, CDs - and then keep the profits.  They have the same kind of demands as a concert act.  And the money?  Some of these guys require $20,000 or more to speak at a conference!  $20,000?!?  To preach?  And, let's not forget, they still are earning their church salary - which is almost always over $150,000 in a church that size (not including book allowance, personal discretionary fund, housing allowance, and gifts from church members).  That isn't even to mention that a good number of these guys are just plain hateful and vicious to their staff members.  Every problem is blamed on someone else.  Every credit is stolen.  I've personally heard some of the most hateful comments I've ever heard in my life come out of the mouths of pastors.  But, on stage, they never have a problem.  They are not beset by any sin.  They don't ever struggle.  They have the perfect marriage with the wife who is in agreement with everything they do, and who stays out of their way.  Their kids can do no wrong (even when they do soooo much wrong).  They put themselves up on that pedestal - and then the people around them make it get even higher.

What I think is the most grievous problem with the class of church celebrities is that it then causes the people who look up to them to miss what should be the goal - to be like Christ.  It isn't about being like Christ.  It becomes about being like these Christian big shots.  I don't care how godly a person is, how amazing they are - they still are human.  And they still are not who we should be emulating.  By holding someone in that much regard, we become a respecter of persons.  We create an idol out of these guys.  In essence, we worship them instead of God.  If you don't believe it is true, go to some of these churches and try to point out something the leader has done.  The church members will respond with such anger and defensiveness.  "There is no way he did that.  And if he did, he had a good reason!"  He had a good reason to act hateful and evil?  I don't think that exists.

The modern techno age makes this problem even bigger.  We can get podcasts and twitter feeds and facebook updates.  We can go online and watch the sermons live for big churches.  We can buy CDs of the choirs and DVDs of the minister.   They all have books for us to purchase.  And eventually they will start on the conference circuit - which people will flock to, just like a fan chasing a band.  So, it is very easy to become a groupie.  We pledge allegiance to the person.  There are even dueling groups out there.  There are the fans of Al Mohler who don't get along with the fans of Ergun Caner.  And the Joel Osteen disciples get ridiculed by the Mark Driscoll apostles.  Doesn't that sound like the Early Church?  Go read 1 Corinthians (especially Chapter 3).  Paul was dealing with this group of Christians who had split allegiances - Paul and Apollos and Christ.  Paul couldn't believe it.  "Is Christ divided?  Was Paul crucified for you?  Were you baptized into the name of Paul?"  He sums up his three chapter argument against this behavior with "you are of Christ, and Christ is of God.  The End."  (I added "the end."  It just seemed to fit.)

I know this is slippery ground - especially for a guy who has spoken at conferences and has his share of followers on Facebook from events and who subscribes to a bunch of podcasts.  I think that finding people who communicate Scripture in an enlightening way is a good thing.  Sometimes that gifted delivery is exactly what launches someone into the limelight.  But it doesn't mean that the only people worth following are big shots.  Nor does it mean that because they are big shots they are worth following.  That is why I listen to certain guys with a smaller sphere of influence - like David Tarkington in Orange Park and Jeff Williams in Temple Terrace.  And that is why I also listen to some bigger names like Tommy Nelson in Denton, TX.  But I try to be careful about who I follow to closely - and I judge each one of their sermons biblically.  As far as my own ministry, I know that when we go to an event we try to do everything we can to make it as affordable as possible - and as easy for the host.  We provide stuff to them to help and try to make any situation work - and trust me we have had some problems that we have had to deal with.  That is one reason we never have created a contract or anything for engagements (although we will have to create one thanks to late date cancellations that really messed us up.)  And being completely honest here, if I ever get to the point where I act the same as the stuff I mentioned in this post, I pray that God shuts me down right there.

So what do we do about it?  Well, I think the responsibility falls on each one of us.  We need to stop putting people in a position where they should not be.  We need to be careful about how much we worship those people in authority positions within the Church world.  And we need to pray for them - that God will humble them, that they will be able to let go of the status and power.  It is unhealthy and ungodly to have this level of celebrity in our churches.  And if you are one of those people, well, let me just say what an honor it is that you are reading my little blog.  I mean, wow.  Can I have your autograph?  Sorry, I forgot myself for a second.  Seriously, if you are one of those people, you need to go read one of the most haunting verses in the Bible for any pastor.  1 Corinthians 9:27.  "But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."  It would be horrible if, after spending a lifetime in service to God - preaching, teaching, and trying to do what is right.  It would be horrible to then give in to our own hype and become selfish and arrogant and hateful and demanding.  And then to face God and have Him shake His head at us - disgusted by what we had become.  I don't think celebrity status will get you out of that.