Brilliant

Today is my wife's birthday.  I know that many of you may grow weary of my bragging on Heather.  But, frankly, I don't care.  She is an incredible woman and deserves the praise.  This year, I was thinking about her special day and one word came to mind.


BRILLIANT (adj)

- having or showing great intelligence, talent, quality
This is the most familiar definition of brilliant.  It is a person who has amazing intelligence.  They can do unbelievable things with their minds.  Obviously, Heather is brilliant.  She has excelled at every level academically.  And she seems to get better with each challenge.  What she is accomplishing right now is simply insane.  I always kind of knew that Med School was hard.  But I really didn't appreciate just how tough it was.  This year, she has had 23 credit hours each semester.  They have quizzes every week that cover as much material as a normal person's exam.  Their monthly tests are equivalent to a college class' semester exam.  I am usually overwhelmed just seeing HOW MUCH they have to do.  That is before even looking at the actual material - which is just stupid hard.

But she keeps on torching the classes.  She has mostly A's with a few B's.  But she is doing this with three kids and a husband that are demanding of her time and attention.  Except for the few days right before a test, she does not have the luxury of studying for nine hours a day.  She has to make the most of her time.  And once she gets home, you can find her sitting in a chair with her laptop on, her notebook open, and a kid trying to squeeze into her lap as well.  I am constantly amazed at her brain.  Quite simply, she is absolutely brilliant.

- distinguished; illustrious: a brilliant performance by a young pianist
The second meaning of brilliant is having great stature.  It has more to do with reputation and talent than just intelligence.  Again, it completely applies to Heather.  She is loved by professors and students alike.  We will be sitting there at night after the kids are in bed - watching tv while she studies.  Her phone keeps on beeping with texts and emails.  I'll ask what's going on and it will many times be someone needing her advice, her help studying, her comfort.  This is what is going to make her a great doctor.  There are many doctors who are smart - but just terrible.  They don't have the personality or reputation needed.

I watch her with our kids or with other children.  I liken it to watching a superstar athlete hitting their stride.  They just start to do things that people should not be able to do.  With Heather, it is like she morphs when it is time to go into doctor mode.  It isn't just that her brain throws out all the potential diagnoses or medications, approaching it intellectually with her intelligence.  She looks at the person and tries to connect to them.  She meets them where they are.  The goal is to help them get better.  Her heart connects with them.  It really is something to behold.  When Natalie was sick a couple months back, Heather started figuring out how to approach the illness.  She was talking to Nat, coming up with creative stories and explanations and illustrations.  Natalie went from nervous to smiling and ready for treatment.  The nebulizer became a "strawberry flavored cloud maker."  Sitting in the bathroom with steam billowing led to a big story about princesses.  And I've witnessed her do that same kind of thing with other people and kids.  That isn't something that is learned.  It is a gift, a talent, a passion, a mindset.  And it is brilliant.

- shining brightly; sparkling; glittering; lustrous: the brilliant lights of the city
This last meaning is brought to mind when thinking of diamonds and lights.  They shine and sparkle and generate light.  Again, this applies to Heather.  She is sparkling and bright and shining.  She projects the light and love of God.  People are drawn to her.  She just radiates.  I have had the pleasure of watching this over the years.  I see the scores of people whose lives have been changed by Heather's role in their lives.  It is a wonderful thing to experience.

I know the personally I have been won over by these qualities.  The room lights up when she comes in.  My kids cheer when she comes home or gets in the car.  (Seriously - they do.  "MAMA!!!")  She's just one of those people.  I don't know anyone who has anything against her - because she doesn't give anyone a reason to.  She honestly is just trying to bless everyone.  Even her eyes are sparkly.  They are this cool blue color and the pattern looks like a cross section of a strawberry - if it was blue.  I love them. And I love her.  She's brilliant.  And I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

College of Medicine

I have wanted to write this post for a long time, but I was afraid to.  Part of it was because I knew it was going to be very long.  Part of it was because I don't come off too well for the first good bit of the story.  But I guess I need to just go ahead and write it.  So apologies if I damage your highly inflated view of me - or if the post is insanely long.  

When I was growing up, I had views of how a family should be.  Some of this was from my own family experiences.  Some of it was from church and the very conservative school I went to through my Elementary years.  Basically, the husband worked; the wife stayed home.  He brought in the money; she did all the housework.  He was in charge; she was in submission.  He was the final say and ultimate disciplinarian; she did, well, just about everything else.  Those women who "insisted" on working did not accept authority - either earthly or heavenly.  [Dude, I warned you that I don't come off well.]  So in my little brain, I just assumed that my wife was going to always be home with the kids.  Sure, she needed to finish college "just in case."  And when I entered the ministry, my wife was going to be my support and help the ministry succeed.  

Well, then along came Heather.  We were dating, and one day started to discuss the future.  I'm really not sure how everything played out.  I just know that my dear Heather dropped the bomb that she wanted to go to Medical School.  I just sat in the car stunned.  What?!?  And thus began one of our first arguments.  Huge argument.  I'm sitting thinking that my point of view is completely accurate.  I even was generous enough to offer the whole "once the kids are in school" caveat.  But she was really convinced that she was going to go to Med School.  Well, I loved Heather and wanted to marry her.  So I just figured that she would come around.  (And she was just praying I would come around.)  

Being the awesome person she is, Heather knew how much the concept of Med School bothered me.  She tried everything.  She planned to do Nursing School, accounting, medical technician, teacher.  She looked at anything else she could.  The problem was, none of them fit.  I noticed this, but i just couldn't come to grips with her going to Medical School.  I had realized that she needed to do something.  She is happier when she has something to do - school, job, something.  She's a great mom - but a better mom when there is something else demanding time.  [NOTE: I'm not saying that women staying home is wrong.  I think for many families, that is the best option.  This is our experience - nothing more to be read into this story.]

Well, about four or five years into our marriage, our church was going through 40 Days of Purpose.  I had been really struggling with what I was supposed to do with my life.  I had a hard time believing that I was supposed to design bulletin shells all the time.  I was praying a lot about what to do.  During the study, God really crystallized some things in my mind.  God gives us talents, gifts, and passions.  When we are utilizing all three of those, we are able to do so much for God.  We're good at what we do, God is blessing it, we are enjoying it.  And for me, that was teaching and writing.  I was thrilled to figure this out.  I needed to find out a place to make this work.  FINALLY - DIRECTION!!!  I met with my supervisor and our pastor.  They both talked with me and prayed that I would find something that gave me an opportunity to write and teach.  It actually wasn't too much later that Defender Ministries began.  I have been able to teach thousands of people, have written tons of curriculum, and really found my purpose.  

Meanwhile, back at home, my wife was still struggling.  And one day, leaving church, God punched me in the eye.  I had just taught my college guys Sunday School class and was heading home.  Heather had stayed home (again) with sick kids.  I was feeling awesome about myself, and actually was thanking God for giving me a chance to do what He made me to do.  "Feeling pretty good, huh?  That's great.  So why is that YOU can feel that way, that YOU can do what I made you to do - and your wife cannot?"  You know that moment when you were a kid and you had done something wrong and the teacher walked up?  That moment when you wished you could teleport somewhere else?  Well, you know that whole verse about "where can you go and hide from God?"  Yeah....

The whole way home I just rotated that question in my mind.  I couldn't justify it.  Heather was obviously talented with science.  She had the gifts of compassion and discernment.  And she was passionate about people and medicine.  How could I continue to fight and tell her she had to ignore those things?  When I got home I apologized and told her that I was going to do everything I could to make sure she was able to pursue Med School.  Was I terrified?  Uh, yeah.  (Am I still?  Sometimes.)  But I gave her my word.  And I don't lie to my wife.

She finished school - with a degree Molecular and Microbiology.  She graduated with a 3.7 GPA.  Her GPA after having kids was 3.95.  Darth Gabus came along after Med School, which means she took the MCAT with a seven month old.  She got a 30.  (For those of you, like me, who know nothing about MCATs -- that's really good).  And then we applied all over the place and waited.  I kept on telling her that if God wanted her to go, she would go.  Sure, there were days I hoped that someone (or Someone) changed their mind.  But I don't lie to my wife.

And we waited.

And we waited.

We wanted to get into UCF.  One, it was home.  Two, we had so much here.  Three, the school I was teaching at and Josiah was attending was awesome.  Four, it was free.  But 4300 people applied for 40 spots.  So we waited . . . and waited . . . and waited.

It got to be discouraging, as months rolled on with nothing.  Sure, we sent off tons of secondary applications.  But no contact.  We at one point were concerned about having to choose between schools.  I started praying that we would just get one school - the place we should go.  "God, we're dumb.  We'll mess this up.  Just tell us where to go."  I had prayed this way before and it had worked out (right before Heather and I started dating, actually).  So I tried it again.  And waited.

And waited.

Finally, in February Heather got contacted by FSU.  They wanted to interview her.  We drove the unbelievably mind-numbing drive up and she had her interview.  "At this late date, if things go well, you'll probably be wait listed.  Don't expect to get accepted right away."  The interview went well, but that ominous statement was issued as well.  And they dropped the bomb that they started May 26 - not August like we were planning.

We still were hoping to hear from UCF - or UF or USF.  But Heather had fallen in love with FSU.  It was everything she wanted.  I was thrilled for her - except - it was in Tallahassee.  I don't have anything against Tallahassee.  One of my best friends, Greg Ramer, lives there.  I had fond memories of the city.  But what about my school?  What about our friends?  What about Defender?  What about me?  

Again, God hit me with a question.  "Why does it always have to be about you?"  Dang.  FSU called a couple days later.  They flat out accepted her.  No wait list.  Just a "Please come here.  We want you here."  Then UCF emailed to say, sorry but no.  UF and USF followed suit.  God had indeed answered my prayer.  There was one place - FSU.  It meant changing everything in our family.  I would stay home and homeschool the kids.  She would go to school for four years, residency for four years, and then be a full doctor.  I was so proud of her.  But....

All that stuff from the first part of this post came rumbling back.  This wasn't normal.  This wasn't the way things were supposed to be.  I felt selfish thoughts continue to boil up.  My ego didn't like being second banana.  I didn't like the thought of sitting around for years, while she was able to pursue what she wanted.  I wanted assurances about time constraints and chances to have personal time.  I had never given her those things.  But I felt it was my right.

I didn't like those things surfacing.  I felt like junk for a couple weeks.  There was a war going on inside.  The man I wanted to be - the one who would allow God to do something surprising and who would support his wife - was battling the man I used to be - the one whose view of the world began and ended with himself.  When we headed up to FSU for Open House, I still was fighting and hoping something would resolve.

Having hours to kill on a drive allows for conversation.  So I just spilled out what I was battling with.  I told Heather all of it - even the parts that made me look bad.  I don't lie to my wife.  She responded by saying she completely understood that battle.  The biggest concern she had about this whole move was that I would never feel taken for granted.  We both prayed that the weekend would be helpful to iron out some issues. 

Once we got to the school, I started to understand.  I listened to the way the school is set up.  It is like it was created for Heather.  The way she views medicine, views people - is what the school values.  They chose her BECAUSE of who she was - not in spite of it.  They picked her because she was a mom with a strong faith.  They saw her as the exact type of student they wanted.  Every step of the weekend just showed how much God was in all of this.  We found a place to live that was perfect for us.  Which was the perfect companion to the school that was perfect for Heather.

Am I still nervous?  Oh, yeah.  I know my weaknesses and fear for my children's sanity at times.  I wonder how all of this will work - the finances, the schooling, the homeschooling.  But I know for sure this is where we are supposed to go.  And I have stopped trying to generate "something for me" up there.  This isn't about me.  My role is to minister to my wife and kids for this season.  And I am getting excited.  I'm not saying that every family has to do this.  I just know that OUR family is supposed to do this.

So in less than two months, we are moving to Tallahassee.  Heather is going on the adventure of her life.  She is going to study and thrive.  She is going to be a leader.  She is going to touch so many lives.  And she still is going to be a great mom, and a great wife, and a godly woman - and a great doctor.  In a few years, we probably will move again for residency.  I have no idea what this means for me.  God hasn't shown me that yet.  All I know is that right now, I am going to do everything I can to pour my life into my kids and to support my wife.  I promised that to them.  I promised that to Heather almost five years ago.  And I don't lie to my wife.  

Eight Years

My apologies for the extended break between posts.  I have been pretty busy lately, what with the new job at Apple.  Speaking of that, for those of you who wondered what happened to my Apple post, I found out about the confidentiality policy.  I felt it better to take down the post rather than get fired before I started.  This week has been interesting.  It is the first week where I am juggling both gigs.  We had an absolutely incredible Defender session yesterday at International Community School, and we have two more on Thursday.  And Wednesday is my first day working at the Apple Store.  So now the fun really starts.  I have had some things I wanted to write about lately.  It was just a struggle to force myself to do that.  I had a book to write for yesterday's class.  So any free time I had was spent on that.  I will get to the other topics, though, because I think they are really good.

Today, though, I want to write about something else.  Today is August 12.  This is our eighth wedding anniversary.  I went back and was surprised to see that I have never written anything about this in the last four years.  So I figured I would take a brief moment to address this important day.

August 12, 2000.  I remember the day very well.  I remember getting up really early.  I dropped my car off at Rick Estes' house so that none of my ne'er do well groomsmen could find it and trash it.  He had to then drive me around to run errands.  Yes, errands.  I had already gone to WalMart to get a CD for the reception.  With Rick we went to Chick-Fil-A to get breakfast, and then to Terrace Bank to deposit some checks.  There was a lot of waiting around once I got to the church.  I remember that it was raining right before the ceremony, which Heather actually wanted to happen.  The ceremony is a blur - I honestly don't remember much.  There are some details, but mostly my brain skips to the reception.  I remember the cake.  I remember the awesome job the Reicherts did on the food (and that they sent a wonderful "doggie bag" with us to the hotel for dinner).  I do remember dancing with my mom and with Heather.  I remember missing it when Heather threw the bouquet because it wasn't supposed to happen then.  I had gone to change my clothes and was in the bathroom.  There are huge gaps in memory - I just know it was a happy day.

But, like Solomon says in Ecclesiastes, the beginning is not the important part.  It is the ending - how did everything turn out?  I can honestly say that our eight years together has not always been easy.  Six different jobs.  Unexpected pregnancies.  A miscarriage.  Financial struggles.  Trying to shuffle and organize multiple schedules, dreams, visions, and hopes.  We have had six different addresses in eight years - never living in the same place for more than two years.  Three kids.  Five different churches.  Three hurricanes.  And things won't get any easier.  Next year Heather will start Medical School, we'll probably move again, Natalie will start Kindergarten, and so on.

Sometimes I think the reason I don't remember much about August 12, 2000 is that SO MUCH has happened in such a fast time that it seems a lifetime away.  I can hardly remember those days.  Sometimes Heather and I will think back to when we used to go the grocery store for fun - just to spend time together.  Now a trip to the grocery store is a challenge - keeping three kids happy and under control, watching a tight food budget, driving a cart that won't maneuver right.  We think back to dates we had at the movies or at restaurants.  Now that never happens.  The very few times we get to go, we tote Gabe along.

But, that is not a complaint.  I am thrilled to be in this boat.  I want to be a dad.  I love my kids.  My family has been up in Orange Park for the last few days with Heather's family.  It is a good reminder of how much I hated being single.  I just kind of sit around and watch tv, play on the computer, eat at weird hours, sleep poorly.  I feel like there is something off all the time.  Last night I was hungry for dinner.  For three hours I sat in a chair and thought about eating.  I got up a couple times and stood staring into the fridge, stealing a couple of grapes each time.  Finally at 9pm, I ran up to Publix to get some chicken tenders and heavenly hash ice cream.  

I like my family.  I like my kids.  And I love my wife.  I enjoy being home with them.  I don't go out a lot.  Maybe once every six weeks I'll got out to a movie after the kids are asleep.  Usually I sit with them until bed time, and then watch tv with Heather.  The funny thing is, aside from a couple of exceptions [She likes Deliver Me, Secret Life of the American Teenager, John and Kate Plus Eight.  I don't.], we like the same shows.  We like going to the mall, going to Publix (most of the time), Sea World.  Our lives have become so intertwined that it is kind of hard to deal with one without the other.  And that is the way I want it.  She has her friends.  And she is free to hang out with them whenever she wants.  I have my friends.  But, honestly, that desire is not as strong as being together.

I think that is what it is all about.  I came from a home where there were two people living two completely different lives in one house.  They did things together, but their interests, goals, beliefs rarely intersected.  And I hated it.  I hated the feeling that to be with dad meant sitting in the tv room and to be with mom was sitting in the living room.  They didn't talk much - largely because my dad would not interact much with anyone at home.  I know this for sure - our kids are not going to have those thoughts.  They see their parents talking and working together and enjoying each other's company.  Sure, we have our moments of selfish behavior.  I don't always communicate like I should.  But for the most part, we are on the same page.

I love Heather.  She is an awesome person.  She is a great mom, a supportive and encouraging wife, a brilliant student, and a super friend.  I see how people respond to her - and I feel lucky that I get to be around her all the time.  She has backed me on everything I wanted to do.  I remember that she told me once that before we were married, she just wanted to make me a good home - that it would feel homey, with throw pillows.  That was always the image she had - a cozy home with throw pillows.  I can honestly say, that through all the changes and surprises - no matter where we were she accomplished that.  Even though it has NEVER been "our house" that we owned - it has always been home.  I think it is more because of the fact that she is there.  She doesn't make it a home with things; she makes it a home by being in it.  I know our kids feel that way.  And I certainly feel that.  Even in my own house, I'm not home without her.  I'm a lucky guy.  And yes, we do have lots of throw pillows.

Valentine Ruminations

Well,  thanks to the first ever poll on ye olde site, you get to read a Valentine's Day posting.  I am sure that all five of you who voted for it are thrilled beyond belief.  And for the one person who wanted me to write about Buffalo, well, I guess that amazing story will have to wait for another day.  And it is a good one, too.  But since you all wanted Valentine's, that is what you get.

• Valentine's cards are weird.  Jim Gaffigan makes a good point.  Where did this practice start?  "Ooo, I like what that guy said.  I'll just put my name on this here..."  Some of these things are so ridiculous, too.  "I know I don't say this nearly enough, but I love you."  How many years in a row can you get away with giving that one?  I read one today that said, "I know we don't get to see each other nearly enough."  Huh?  That's a bizarre comment for a Valentine's card.
• When exactly did cherry start horning in on strawberry's place as "official Valentine's fruit?"  You know, it is interesting.  Each holiday has its own fruits and vegetables for its confections and desserts.  Thanksgiving has pumpkin and cranberry.  Christmas has mint and gingerbread.  But it is such a big holiday that it also lets pumpkin and cranberry crash on the couch and hang around.  Pomegranate is trying to break into the Christmas rotation, I noticed.  7Up had a Winter Themed Pomegranate soda.  It was really good, but I didn't feel all Christmassy drinking it.  Valentine's Day always had strawberries.  Now, cherry is making a breakthrough.  I am cool with that because chocolates and cherries is one of my favorite combos.  This year, Three Musketeers introduced a cherry version.  Dove had a cherry caramel filled chocolate.  I'm sure this feud is far from over, though.  
• AMC was running a Valentine's Day marathon today.  They showed Father of the Bride 1 and 2.  Can you think of a less appropriate movie combo?  I always get depressed watching those films.  They aren't romantic.  They are sad.  I start thinking about Natalie growing up and I get upset. 
• Speaking of getting upset about Natalie, Steven Curtis Chapman must have decided it had been too long since Bob Carlisle's Butterfly Kisses was out to make dad's miserable.  He has some new song that I had to turn off the other day.  I can't wait to hear it a thousand times now.
• My mom and dad had their anniversary on Valentine's Day.  Pretty smart - you eliminate one date to remember.  It was the one night that they would get dressed up and go out.  My grandmother would come watch us.  They would go to Manero's or Raindancer or Beefeeters.  I always thought that was cool.  That was before every restaurant came up swith a Valentine's special to rip you off.  I'm surprised McDonald's hasn't come out with a "Couple's Double Dream - two double quarter pounders, two fries, two large cokes, and two apple pies for just $24.95."
• When exactly did Valentine's Day become the new Halloween?  When I went to school, you were lucky if you got a cheap cruddy Valentine from half the class.  (I, of course, had to make them for everyone.)  Now it is mandatory to give everyone Valentines.  I think we were the only parents who didn't give more than a card.  Our kids got PlayDoh, chocolate, candy, and some other stuff.  They had a whole stuffed bag of junk that they got at school.  Far cry from the measly bag of generic valentines I came home with when I was young.
• I don't get this new emphasis on giving gifts on Valentine's either.  Sure, couples doing that is fine.  But you see ads where parents are encouraged to buy their kids stuff like it is Christmas.  What's next?  Cupid is going to start flying around with a sack of goodies on his back?
• You know what makes a good romantic dinner?  Buffalo steaks.  At least I would hug anyone who made those for me.
• I would be remiss if I failed to at least mention the person who is my true Valentine - Brad Pitt.  Just kidding.  I, of course, am talking about Heather.  She's so awesome we don't even celebrate Valentine's Day.  Really, we don't.  We've been together for nine Valentine's Days.  I think we have done something special on maybe three or four.  We just don't see the sense in spending tons of money and fighting against huge crowds to prove we love each other.  We spent the night cleaning and watching Lost.  (Man, that show is good.)  I love Heather.  She is perfect for me.  As we move closer to our 10th Anniversary, I realize how much our lives have melded together.  And I am thrilled to be mixed up with her.  She is the coolest, funniest, wisest, smartest, most compassionate woman I know.  She is a great mom, great wife, great student, great friend.  And she'll make a great doctor too.  It's like God gave ME an awesome Valentine.  (We got engaged February 12, 2000)  That made up for all the lame years before.  And that's probably why I don't need to get tons of Valentine stuff now.  I'm still good with the Valentine who I'm mixed up with.  (all together now:  awwwwww)