Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives 2010

What a difference a year makes ...

Last year, we had just moved to Tallahassee and we were discovering all the new culinary options that the state capital had to offer.  We were pleasantly surprised to find that there actually were several great places that helped us to forget the loss of our beloved Orlando.  There were more independent restaurants and less dependence on chain establishments.  So, I put together a little review of the places Tallahassee had to offer and my favorites.

Well, now we have had more time to experiment and see if my initial thoughts were correct.  The biggest thing, though, happened in January of this year when I completely revamped my approach to food.  (Painstakingly documented on THIS BLOG.)  That has caused us to completely revisit our evaluations.  Places we used to visit frequently have been tossed aside.  And we have learned to embrace other places.  We now value restaurants that offer healthier food and ones with flexibility - where both the kids and the restricted Daddy can be happy.  I thought about it and decided it was time to put out a new list.  You know, for the two people in Tallahassee that actually read this blog.

First, I am going to take a peek at the places I mentioned last year, to see how they are holding up.

• 1 Fresh Stir Fry - I would say that 1 Fresh was the MVP of 2009 for the Staples Family.  We all loved it.  People who visited us from out of time loved it.  It was our go to choice.  However, all that changed in 2010.  First of all, it was hard to get food there without starch - which is something that I needed.  Second, I started making meals at home for lunch.  They were shockingly like 1 Fresh bowls.  And I began to realize I wasn't too thrilled with paying 9 bucks for what I was creating at home with leftovers.  The third strike came when another restaurant came into town.  But I don't want to spoil that.  2009 Rating: 10 of 10.  2010 Rating: 6 of 10
• La Fiesta -  I can honestly say that we have not been back to La Fiesta in at LEAST ten months.  I'm not sure what killed it, but I think it was the discovery of a bunch of other Mexican places.  There are several that are at least as good, usually with better kids meal deals.  2009 Rating: 9 of 10.  2010 Rating: 4 of 10
• Barnaby's Pizza - Now here's a pickle.  I don't eat pizza any more.  So none of the pizza places really rank well with me.  I kind of need to know what else there is at the place.  Barnaby's loses some points with me because it has a lousy menu besides pizza.  Their wings are not very good.  (When you are trumped by Domino's wings, you know you are not great.)  They have steak, but it is expensive.  However, when it comes to the kids and Heather, Barnaby's is still the best place in town.  2009 Rating: 10 of 10.  2010 Rating: 10 of 10.
• Helen's Silver Bullet Diner -  This place is closed down.  So, that solves the issue.  2009 Rating: 9 of 10.  2010 Rating: 0 of 10.
• Decent Pizza - We tried this place twice.  It was good.  But it was ridiculously expensive, especially if you wanted it delivered.  And, face it, you don't want to drive down Monroe to pick it up at dinner time.  So we never have gone back.  Combined with my rejection of pizza, this place is dead to us.  2009 Rating: 8 of 10.  2010 Rating: 1 of 10.
• Red Elephant Pizza Grill - This is the sole ranked place from last year that did not take a hit.  The biggest problem is their prices.  They are not a place we can go often.  However, their pizza is still a clone of Barnaby's.  And they gained points for their extensive menu that I can enjoy.  They have tomato bisque, great salads, and an amazing grilled chicken dish with balsamic glaze.  I actually would raise their score this year.  2009 Rating: 8 of 10.  2010 Rating: 9 of 10.

So that is the look back at 2009's stellar performers.  As you can tell, there is a big change in our view of places.  So, here is a look at the all stars for us in 2010.  

• Genghis Grill - MVP - Yes, it is a chain.  But this is the only location in Florida.  And it is so . . . dang . . . good.  I have always been a sucker for Mongolian BBQ places.  You know, the places with the giant volcanically hot flat grills.  Be it China Jade in Orlando, the late Stone Turtle in Tampa, or any of the Japanese steak house joints (plus Hu Hot, BD's, and others).  They are just fun and tasty.  The concept is you take a bowl, fill it with all the raw meats you want, put the seasoning you like on it, add the veggies you want, toss on an egg if you like, pick your sauce, pick your starch.  They cook it and put it in a different bowl and send it back to you.  What's not to like?  Every single person I know that has gone to Genghis has loved it.  Personally, I think it is the best one of these places I have been.  And it is perfect for my food needs.  The kids beg to go. It also single handedly killed our love for 1 Fresh - it does similar stuff but WAAAY better at the same price.  2010 Rating: 10 of 10
• Pepper's Mexican Grill - I mentioned this place last year as one of the places we hadn't tried yet. Well, we have tried it now.  Many times.  And it is the reason we have rejected La Fiesta.  They are good and pretty reasonable.  Plus, they have free kids meals on Tuesdays.  AND, when our kids' school sold their discount cards, Peppers was on there.  So we get free kids meals all the time now.  They have fish tacos, which Heather likes to order at Mexican places.  They also have nuggets and fries - a big deal for kids.  And their Fajitas Peppers is a great thing for me to eat now.  2010 Rating: 9 of 10
• Black Bean Cuban Cafe - Here is the extent of my knowledge of Cuban cuisine up to this point: cuban sandwiches suck.  I lived in Tampa for four years, and they had cuban sandwiches everywhere.  I hated them.  Pork, pickles, mustard - three things I hated beyond belief.  I guess I knew they had black beans and rice, too.  I wasn't impressed.  Well, the other day I was realizing I drove past this place about five times a week.  We had never been.  I finally looked it up on line and realized it was worth trying.  What we found was incredible.  They have a ton of pressed sandwiches, which I can't have.  But they also have tons of other things - many of them I can have.  Mojo chicken breasts, pulled pork, fried pork chunks (you have to try them - the description doesn't do them justice).  All meals come with black beans and rice or red beans and rice - AND plantains.  They also have these little deep fried potato covered meat balls that are just ridiculously good.  AND they have free kids meals ALL THE TIME.  Needless to say, it has become a favorite haunt.  2010 Rating: 10 of 10
• Piggy's BBQ - I am stunned that no BBQ places were on the 2009 list.  With how much BBQ I eat now, I have a hard time remembering when I didn't do that as much.  There are some good places here.  Dave's BBQ is very tasty - but pricey.  Jim and Milt's is cheap and good - but not great.  Piggy's is my favorite.  Their brisket is stellar.  The pulled pork is the best in town - and it has a peach vinegar sauce that comes with it.  Plus there are daily specials, sausage, and they have the best sweet potato casserole around.  Their kids meals are cheap (free on Saturday), and they come with ice cream.  All the meals come with a drink, which is a huge money drain at most places.  Over all, it is my choice for BBQ in Tally.  2010 Rating: 9 of 10
• Ichigo - The new food plan has led us to explore frozen yogurt places.  Fortunately, that is a booming industry right now.  We have tried several of the fro-yo joints in town.  Our favorite by far is Ichigo.  They are one of the self serve places where you can get as much, as many flavors, and whatever toppings you want.  They charge you by weight.  But their yogurt is creamier than other places.  Fusions is too icy.  Sunberry is too tart and too expensive -- even though you can't beat their 60 flavors.  And TCBY is too chain - they are like the McDonald's of frozen yogurt.  Ichigo is good stuff.  2010 Rating: 9 of 10
• Barnaby's Pizza - You have to rank a pizza place.  This is the best.  Since I don't eat it, I can't compare it to anyone else.  But I just go by the loudness of the cheers when I tell my kids I ordered it.  2010 Rating: 10 of 10
• Crispers - Again, I know it is a chain.  But it is just in Florida, from what I understand.  And it is the best of the soup/salad/sandwich chains out there.  I loved Bagelheads, a local place.  And I like the guy who owns it.  But, their other menu items are not extensive enough for me to rank them.  We haven't been there since December, which is a darn shame because they were great.  Crispers, though, has amazing soups.  I usually just get the soup trio - rotating between Italian chicken, butternut squash, black bean and sausage, and tomato bisque.  They used to have chili, and I am perplexed as to why they don't now.  Their rating is shaky, though.  If there were a full McAllister's or a Jason's Deli here, it would not be on this list.  2010 Rating: 8 of 10

That's the basic awards section.  As always, there are other places that could easily have been ranked.  I basically went by how often we went, how often we were satisfied by our visit, and how flexible they are.  If it is a place that doesn't have something for everyone (except for Barnaby's), it didn't get put on there.  The only other place I didn't list that should have been was Tijuana Flats.  We go there a lot.  Our school discount card gets us a free meal every visit - which makes for a cheap dinner.  But is a big chain.  And if you don't have that card, it can get expensive.  Next year, this post will be based on our apparent return to Orlando.  After two years, there will be all kinds of new places to try.  And with a new view of eating, it will honestly be like trying them for the first time.

What the Heck is Wrong with Pizza Hut

I remember when I was younger. My mom cooked at home all the time - and she made some really incredible stuff. But there was one food that she never was satisfied with. She never liked her own pizza. None of us had any problems with her pizza. Pizza night was a huge success as far as we were concerned. Our friends loved pizza night. And reheated pizza was awesome too. But my mom NEVER liked her own pizza. She wanted to find a way to duplicate Pizza Hut's Pan Pizza. Since my dad was never going to let her invest in a variety of pans and experiment with crust types, it meant that she was always going to be frustrated. And it meant that there would be days when we ordered Pizza Hut - or even better, went to eat there.

In our house, there was Pizza Hut and that was it. I don't remember ordering pizza from any other places - except an initial attempt as new companies would launch. This would be followed by our assessment that it was horrible and "not as good as Pizza Hut." [Please bear in mind that we are Florida natives and had never even come close to experiencing New York or Chicago pizza.] The thing was, Pizza Hut WAS good. I remember going to eat at Pizza Hut - they would bring those pies out fresh. And it was so much different than if they were delivered. They were amazing. Remember the BBQ pizza? Good night, that thing was phenomenal. Then they added the Lover's Line - with the Cheese Lover's with any two toppings. It had sooo much cheese on it. I never was as taken with the pan crust as my family. I preferred hand-tossed and thin crust.

When I went to college, Pizza Hut was still a huge element of my diet (what a poor choice of words). Remember the Bigfoot pizza? I would order that all the time. My friends and I would get Bigfoots when we were hanging out - they were such a good deal. And that was when I discovered the Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet. Man oh man. I cannot even begin to remember the number of times we destroyed the Buffet. What was better than dropping five bucks and being able to eat as much as you wanted of the amazing pizzas? Once I moved to Tampa, our ministry kept several Pizza Huts in business. We used to hit the Buffets at least once a week. We had a guy in our group who worked at Pizza Hut and would get us discounts on pizzas for our Bible studies. They were always innovating. The cheese stuffed crust. The triple decker pizza. The cheese bread sticks. The Edge pizza. I personally discovered several new flavors - the bacon cheeseburger for example. I never would order Papa John's or Dominos or Little Caesar's. It was Pizza Hut or nothing.

Then something happened. I still don't know what it was. Maybe it was when Pepsico spun off the restaurants. Maybe it was when Pizza Hut decided to become a glorified fast food joint. Whatever it was, the fact is that Pizza Hut just is horrible now. I keep wanting to give it another chance - hoping that they will get their act together. But it just gets worse and worse. They bring out new items. Eventually we try them. Then we regret it.

One of the biggest problems is that the pizza is greasy. The newer items really suffer from this grease problems. The new Panormous individual pizza is like a giant sponge. Then there is the pepperoni rolls. Now, we all know that pepperoni drips more oil than a AMC Gremlin. The only way to avoid this is actually to put the pepperoni on top of the cheese and get it crispy, which locks the oily goodness inside. (It is weird how the only pizza chain who has figured this out is Donato's. Papa John's actually buries it UNDER the cheese.) Well, imagine locking this oil stick INSIDE of a mini calzone. No, not a calzone. That would imply ricotta and, you know, taste. It is like a roll with mozzarella and pepperoni in it - and then rubbed in lard. So it is greasy on the outside and oily on the inside. But, at least it is balanced, I guess. The sauce also has undergone a transformation. I call it the "antacid negator." I can have take a Prilosec, chew a couple Extra Strength Rolaids as an appetizer, and drink Milk of Magnesia in a tall frosted mug. A few hours later, bang!, a volcano erupts in my stomach. Yay!

Then you have the Pizza Mia! This is one of the worst ideas I have ever seen at a restaurant. It is just like a regular Pizza Hut pizza, except they used different crust, sauce, and cheese. Other than that, it is identical. Carbon copy. While the recent degradation in quality at the Hut may actually make it seem like a complete change is a good idea, when you replace the questionable items with downright disgusting, well that is not a good deal. Sure, it is cheap. But most frozen pizzas cost the same or less and are better. And don't even get me started on their wings.

I'm not sure why Pizza Hut decided to become a fast food establishment. But it did. Now you can find the Hut slumming in Target food courts everywhere. All the pizzas are frozen and get tossed into the conveyer belt attached to a space heater. Seven minutes later, WHAM, mediocre pizza sitting in a puddle of grease. Now these pizzas have a half life of about six minutes. This means that after six minutes it is only halfway food. Instead of melted cheese, liquid sauce, and grease saturated bread sponge, it now looks like a toy pizza. There is no way to customize the pizza at all. The same approach is found at the combination Hut/Taco Bell/A&W/Long John Silver's out there. Mmmmm. Multiple iterations of mediocrity. Taste the dullness. Even the old sit down Pizza Huts are being retrofitted. Instead of being helped by a waitress, there is a counter and a serve-your-own drink stand. And lots of prefab pizzas.

So what happened? No clue. I have no idea if this has paid off financially for the company or not. I just know that every time I eat there it feels like I rubbed oil on my face and set a fire in my stomach. THAT's a winning endorsement, people - especially for a guy who thinks pizza may just have been what the Old Testament calls manna. Whatever. I have plenty of other pizza places to enjoy - like Barnaby's and Decent Pizza and, what's it called, oh yeah, Tombstone.

The Cheese Pizza Conundrum

I have always heard it said that to have a fun and peaceful dinner party, you should avoid discussions about politics and religion. And while that may be good advice, I have noticed that many a good party has been damaged by something less obvious than the chatter. It was waylaid by the actual food served. For, alas, the poor hosts decided to order pizza.

I really believe that the most contentious topic on earth is pizza toppings. You could take a delivery menu into a monastery high in the mountains that has observed a millenia of silence and gets the residents fighting within five minutes. "Anyone in their right mind knoweth that boar goes better on pizza than pemican." I think people are more opinionated about their pizza toppings than just about anything, and they are not willing to compromise. They want what they want and aren't going to choke down nothing else. Even if they say they will "eat anything," they are dirty liars. I'm not talking about ordering pizza from one of those fancy places with funky new wave toppings. Places like that usually have figured it out and have personal sized pizzas. So each person can order their own weird combo at Pizzeria Uno (Chicago Classic with Hamburger instead of sausage) or California Pizza Kitchen (Carne Asada) without bothering anyone else.

I'm talking about the long-standing tradition of having a dozen people over and trying to order pizzas from the local pizza joint for the group. It is worse than negotiating a corporate merger. It is worse than a divorce settlement. It probably has caused a few divorces. There are few things I hate more than ordering pizza for a group. Sure, you can go with the approach some youth pastors have with their 200 person group - 20 cheese, 20 pepperoni, get here on time or don't gripe. But that doesn't usually work for that group of 10-25 people that we usually have to deal with. I have worked in student ministry for so long I have nightmares about ordering pizza. I'll wake up in a cold sweat, "Don't worry, you'll get your five bucks' worth."

You have different pizza people. There is the garbage guy - the one who insists on getting every topping on the pizza. "The more junk the better." His pizza is basically a replacement for a salad bar plate at this point. It has twenty items on it. The structural integrity is completely compromised. Then there is the pepperoni crowd. This is the number one group - they swear by pepperoni like it was in the Bill of Rights. "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of long aged meat sticks." You have the mushroom people - and there is NO middle ground with mushrooms. You either love them or hate them. I don't know people who are ambivalent about mushrooms. It is either, "Oh man these things are great" or "What the heck is this? A tumor?" You also have the fringe people - the heat addicts, the anchovies loving weirdo, the vegetarian, the people who think fruit belongs on pizza, and the no-sauce totalitarians (my kids).

But there is that one group - the cheese only crowd - that becomes the biggest problem. I know because for a looooong time I was in this group. I finally have switched to the "Ground Beef" camp, for the most part. But until recently, I was a cheeser. My wife is usually a cheesehead - except at Donato's (mmm, Donato's. Tearing up.) My father-in-law is a huge cheeser. The thing about this group is that they don't like other pizza toppings. I understand completely. I never have been a big pepperoni lover - too much oil, weird floppy texture. I don't usually get veggies on my pizza - unless it is part of a whim combo. I won't eat mushrooms because who would willingly put fungus in their mouth? You don't suck on athlete's foot. But we'll eat the fungus that springs up in the woods behind our house. And the other meats have been hit and miss depending on the store. Cheese is safe, it is pure, it is easy. It is the same reason why so many people like vanilla ice cream. How bad can you screw up a basic cheese pizza?

The problem is that the other people all will eat cheese, but the cheesers won't eat the other stuff. So you order five pizzas. You get the garbage one for the one guy who swears he'll eat it all, you get two pepperonis for that huge group, one sausage and peppers, and one cheese. What is left at the end of the night? Two-thirds of the garbage pizza, half of a pepperoni pie, a couple pieces of sausage, and no cheese. And not only that, the cheesers each got one slice and are starving - eating potpourri in the corner. Why? Because everyone else went, "And I'll take one piece of cheese," and there was none left. All the toppings crowds get irate if you order too many cheese pizzas - saying it is boring. But they will all eat it.

I used to have to take drastic measures. I would hide a cheese pizza in the oven for the true cheesers. I would pay for my own pizza to make sure I got enough. I would stand there and police the cheese pizza, driving off the interlopers. I made a lot of enemies, but I defended my cheese-loving minority. People would say it was wrong. I would say, "Go eat the one with goat cheese and salamanders - that is what you wanted, right?"

You see the same conundrum played out whenever there is a lot of choices - the vanilla ice cream, the plain milk chocolate, the sugar cookies, the plain potato chips all get scarfed while the more elaborate jalapeno and anise cookies sit there. There is always just a small minority pushing for these items, but a large minority ready and willing to eat them. I am not sure the best way to even deal with the issue. You can always order one extra cheese pizza just in case, but then everyone gripes about the price per person. And that is already ugly enough - everyone wants to gorge themselves and have someone else pay. And I'm sure our government isn't going to be working on solving this any time soon - they're too busy working on health care and running for re-election. So, until then, please try to take care of your plain cheese loving guests. It is the good and right thing to do. It is American. "Bring me your huddled masses, starving and craving cheese pizza." I think I read that somewhere.

Sad Day for Orlando Pizza Scene

I woke up this morning and checked the news as I usually do.  I was greeted with this horrifying news headline on the Orlando Slantinel.  "Donato's Pizzeria Closes in Orlando, Cuts About 140 Jobs"  I don't want to seem calloused, especially in the economic scene now - but I didn't honestly immediately care about the jobs.  Instead, I went, "WHAT!?!?"  When Heather woke up, I told her and she said, "Noooooo."  What a way to start the day.

Now, before you get the opinion that I have my priorities completely out of whack (or if this merely cements that opinion you already had), let me explain.  Donato's is a pizza chain that started in Ohio.  And we in Orlando have been blessed enough to have 11 Donato's around town since we moved here.  Now, at first I didn't really get the wonder of the chain.  It had some really quirky things going on - you would call from your table back to the kitchen to order your food, they used paper plates and cups.  But I soon began to appreciate the food there - and our whole family loved it.

It is no secret that I love pizza.  It is my favorite food.  Sure, I am a big fan of other foods too (ice cream, a really good steak, lasagna).  But pizza is that food that I can eat multiple times a week.  I'll have it for lunch and still be okay eating it for dinner.  I'll eat it three nights in a row and then get it again the next day for lunch.  You may call that a problem.  I call it food love.  One of my interests is food - I watch Food Network, I love grilling, I love making recipes and having people enjoy them.  Pizza is the top of that heap.  I love Chicago style, New York style, thick crust, thin and crispy, hand tossed, flatbread, french bread.  I even can tolerate mediocre or poor pizza.  

My favorite pizza place is Pizzeria Uno.  It serves deep dish pizza that is UNBELIEVABLE.  There are no Unos in Tampa or Jacksonville.  So it has been a journey of happiness every time I move back to Orlando.  How much do I like Uno?  I went there for my bachelor party.  We ate there on our honeymoon.  I go there most birthdays.  But the problem is that it is not cheap.  Pizza should be cheap.  I have hundreds of coupons for Pizza Hut and Dominos and Papa Johns.  That's the only way I'll order it from those places.  I used to love Pizza Hut - hated the other two of the big three.  But Donato's ruined all of that.  It became our replacement for Uno.

Three things made us become Donato's acolytes.  First, they had a No Dough Pizza that Heather ate when she was pregnant with Gabe and had to fight gestational diabetes.  Second, I got one of those area discount cards from Oviedo High School.  It took $3 off a large pizza at Donato's.  You know how awesome that is?  Knocked the price down to $9.99.  Third, we moved last summer five minutes away from a Donato's.  It was right down the street.  It could deliver in 20 minutes.  I could pick it up at the drive by window in 15 minutes.  So, combine all of that.  We could all eat for $15 (kids split a stromboli) or $19 (kids BOTH get a individual pizza).  The toppings were fresh.  The crust was awesome.  They had fresh mozzarella as a topping.  It was as cheap as McDonald's and it was PIZZA.  Really good pizza.  Their pepperoni was super - guaranteed to have 100 slices on each large pizza.  

And the memories that come with it.  I remember Heather being pregnant with Gabe and Donato's being the one time she felt like she could eat "normal food."  I remember when Josiah stopped ordering the pizza kids meal and wanted to try the stromboli.  It was such a "big boy" food choice.  And he loved it.  I remember eating out on the patio with Toney Sauls one night when our wives were both out of town.  And I remember Heather and I splitting the large pizza (half pepperoni, half fresh mozz) sitting on the bed, watching Friends, while Gabe nursed and napped.  It was more than just losing a pizza place - it was losing something our whole family loved together.  

Now it's gone.  We have to go back to Pizza Hut.  Ugh.  It reminds me of when Red Robin burgers closed down in West Palm Beach when I was in school.  I nearly cried.  That sounds dumb - but I had so many memories there.  I went there every birthday.  Our youth group used to go there all the time.  They had a burger with FRIED EGG on it (before my deadly egg allergy kicked in).  They had the best mozzarella sticks, best seasoned waffle fries, best burgers, AND Mountain Dew.  It was so awesome.  

I found a few Red Robins over the years - one in Allentown, one in California.  We've eaten there and it is never the same.  The mozzarella sticks are still great - but honestly I've found better over the years.  They ditched their waffle fries.  And I can't have the egg on the burger any more.  Last time, I didn't even get Mountain Dew.  Donato's will still be around - and they are expanding into the Carolinas.  We sometimes are up there - I may be up there two or three times before the end of the year.  And I'm sure I'll visit their new "counter service" option.  But I know it won't have the same memories or feel.  That's the thing about losing something like that.  The memories end up making it much better than it ever was.  And I guess that's why I was so sad this morning.  It was closing the book on something special - and knowing we couldn't replace it or get it back.  And I am sad for those employees who did such a great job keeping us happy, making up for their mistakes, and letting us switch the TV to Noggin or Nick when we were alone in the back room.  I hope they can find new jobs - especially with the bad job market.  Well, I guess I should get back to work - I have to find a new pizza place.