Microwave Thanksgiving

Lots of people have been doing a "30 Days of Thankfulness" on their Facebook page.  Each day, they post something they are thankful for (if they remember).  I have always thought this was very cool.  And this year I fully intended to do it.  But I forgot.  This is pretty normal for me.  I forget a lot of stuff.  I was very happy that the iPhone came out with their Reminders app.  I use that to remind me of things.  Unless I forget to put them into the app.  In which case I doubly forget.  I'm pretty helpless.  Anywho... This year I really wanted to express my thankfulness.  A lot has happened on a variety of fronts that has helped me to really appreciate all of what I have.  So, here goes 30 Days of Thankfulness in one day.  It's like a Microwave Thanksgiving.  (Oh, hey, that's where the title came from.  Heh heh.  Clever.)

1. I am thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  He is the reason I am who I am.  Everything I do, I do for Him.  And He is at the heart of my entire life.  I can't help this and don't apologize.  Without Him, the rest of these don't matter.
2. I am thankful for my beautiful, brilliant, awesome wife, Heather.  I don't deserve her.  From the very beginning, people told me I was "marrying up."  They think this is a revelation to me.  It is not.  I was aware of this from the very beginning.  I may be dumb, but I am not stupid.  She pushes me to be better and constantly impresses me with her amazing talents.  (You aren't going to get through this without crying.  Are you?)
3. Josiah.  He's my firstborn.  He is patient with me learning things as I go.  I get the joy of watching him develop his talent and expand his brain.  And he's just a darn cool kid.  
4. Natalie. She is sweet and beautiful and incredibly smart - my little princess.  She cuddles with me.  I am proud as I hear her sweet heart and watch her grow into a wonderful young lady.
5. Gabe. He's wild and crazy and funny.  But he also loves to snuggle and hang out with me.  He is just a fun little boy and brings so many smiles (yes, some frustration too).  I'm a lucky dad.
6. My mother.  Patricia Staples poured her life into my siblings and me.  She fought to help us to become good people, despite the challenges in our path.  And she has always been there for us, no matter how old we get.  She is the best mom I possibly could have had.
7. My in-laws.  Many people complain about their in-laws.  I don't because there isn't anything to complain about.  Sam and Lois Crissinger are the best in-laws in the world.  They support us and love me and set incredible examples.  I consider myself so lucky to have married into their family.
8. Holly.  She was my first best friend.  And I still deeply value her friendship.  She forced me to move out of my shell when I was younger and challenged me to be better when I was older.  She's forgiven my stupidity more times than I can count.  Plus she brought my nephew, Toby, into the world - and he's just awesome.  (Bonus Thanksgiving point!)
9. Chris.  I always looked up to Chris and wish I could have been more like him.  He had the work ethic, the athletic talent, and ethical commitment that I wish I had and was insanely jealous about.  I still look at him and wish that I could work as hard as him and be as diligent.  He pushes me, even when he doesn't know it.  (And, unlike when we were younger, this push isn't in a wagon down a hill.)
10. Andy and Shell.  - Heather's oldest brother and his wife (along with their two beautiful daughters, Beulah and Chayah) have been two of my biggest encouragements and cheerleaders.  I cherish the time and conversations I have with them.  I often look at them and see the kind of parents and people I want to be.
11. Mike and Ria.  Heather's youngest brother and his wife also have been incredible encouragements to me.  They also are a reminder to not get so worked up about things - to be patient and controlled.  I can get so high strung by life, but with them, it makes me realize things aren't worth getting so upset about.  (A very similar thing that Mike's grandfather used to do to me - gave me perspective.)
12. Dave and Lacy. Heather's cousin and his wife have grown to be more than just extended family to us.  They are as close as siblings, but also two of our best friends.  They have filled voids in our lives and allowed us to fill voids in theirs.  In addition, they let my kids smother them with love.  It is rare to have friends like them - or to have family like them.  It is unbelievably rare to have both in the same people.
13. Extended Family.  There are so many extended family that I could fill the rest of the spots with them.  From my half-sisters, Mary and Sue, to Heather's uncle Rich.  My nieces and nephew.  My sweet Aunt Dee.  Uncle Jim and Aunt Rosie.  Mark, Sherri, and their kids.  And so many more.  The encouraging words of Nila, Paul, and Diane.  Each of them holds a special place in my heart.  And my life wouldn't be the same without any of them.
14. Defender Ministries.   I am blessed and honored to be able to serve in a ministry where my own personal failures are able to help others.  To be able to write and teach and develop resources is a humbling thing.  Our lessons and materials have been used by thousands of people in over thirty states and over a dozen countries.  That is just incredible.  You can't help but be humbled by that.
15. Charles Wise.  My ministry partner and one of my best friends.  It is rare to be able to have both in one person.  He is like a big brother, a dad, an uncle - he's family.  He gives me guidance, calls me on my stupid behavior, and allows me to talk a lot.  We've been through lots of ups and downs through the last seven years.  But it seems a lot easier doing it together.
16. Live in America.  It may seem trite or cliched to say this.  But it is true.  We live in a land of plenty and opportunity.  Even at its worst, with things looking so grim, where else would you want to live?  We have so much.  We are given such an advantage over most of the world.  We are allowed to be free to worship and live how we want.  It's easy to take it for granted, which really is a testimony as to just how blessed we are.
17. Medical Professionals and Technology at Moffitt Cancer Center.  On Monday, my mother underwent extensive surgery to remove endometrial cancer.  In days past, she probably would not have survived that.  Instead, she is already home to celebrate Thanksgiving - walking around and getting back to her life.  The doctors, nurses, physician assistants, and other personnel there helped that to happen.  I can't express enough thanks for that.  I will also lump into this the people who have made Heather's medical school experience so wonderful - the professors, preceptors, and fellow students.  (Especially Austin and Ashley Henkel. - Bonus!)
18. Bananas.  I told Natalie today how I thanked God for bananas.  She looked at me weird.  But I do.  They are tasty.  They are a great way for me to stay on track with my food choices.  They aren't too expensive.  I just like them.
19. Apples.  You may call me an Apple Apologist.  But I really am thankful for their products.  I love my computer, my phone, my iPod.  My wife loves her iPad.  I love the fact that their stuff makes my life easier and richer.  And it allowed me to work with some great people like Veronica Fish and Chris Anenome and the other people at R143.  
20. Summit Church. We haven't been there long, but we are thankful for it.  I love watching my kids growing and having such a great experience.  I love having so many ways to serve for my wife and I.  It is a great church and we are thankful that we were led there.   And we get to see Erik and Tiffany Wieder a lot now.  And they are just awesome people.  (Another bonus point!)
21. UCF. I love my alma mater.  On one hand, it allowed me to meet some great friends and have some great experiences.  It also helped East Orlando to develop - which gave us a reason to live there and work there.  I enjoy watching UCF sports.  So many experiences in my life began with my time there.  I'm thankful it was my school.
22. College Ministry.  College Ministry changed my life.  And it changes so many other students' lives.  I am always broken hearted when I see a church think that college ministry isn't important enough.  Groups like BCM and Campus Crusade are invaluable.  In my own life, it change me forever - for the better.  In addition, it brought me into contact with people like Allen and Candy Turner, Matt and Sarah Sharp, Byron and Bern Kirkpatrick, and dozens of others that made me into who I am.  Having worked in that field for nearly a decade, I got to have so many wonderful experiences.  And I got to work with people like Connie Ricks, Brad Crawford, Rahul Agarwal, Lee Howell, Becky Crandall, Tony Olesky, and Loy Reed.  You can't help but get better in that crowd.  
23. Holidays.  I love the fact that there are holidays.  They give you a break and a rest - often when you need it most.  But it also gives a reason to be with family and friends.  It isn't practical to drive from Florida to South Carolina on a whim.  But a holiday gives a good reason.  So that means I get to hang out this weekend with numbers 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 10, 11, 12, and 13 on this list.  Holidays are awesome.
24. First Years Preschool and Kindergarten.  All three of my children have now attended this school.  And it is, in my honest opinion, the best preschool in the world.  It equipped my kids to be prepared for school, developed their personalities, loved them, and taught them about God.  It has been such a blessing and built such a great foundation.  
25. Mentors.  I can never express enough thanks for people like Eddie Gilley, Byron Kirkpatrick, Jeff Kipi, Bob Bray, Charles Wise, John Blann, Tadziu Trotsky.  Those guys invested in my life and pushed me to be better than I was.  They didn't allow me to stay in my goofy state - living a mediocre life.  They saw something worth developing and went above and beyond to work with me.  I can never express enough thanks.
26. Memories. I'm glad that we can remember things.  That may sound stupid, but that is all I have left of people like my dad, my grandparents, and Heather's grandparents.  I may miss them, but at least I still can remember them.  So it isn't like they are completely gone.  
27. International Community School.  One class.  One year.  It shouldn't have made such an impact on me.  But that school burrowed under my skin.  And I can't help but be thankful for it.  It rewarded me richly.  It gave me friendships with some amazing students, as well as with some terrific adults (Carrie Baker, Robyn Terwilleger, the Kreidts, Greg Willson, the Egglestons).  I still hope that at some point I can officially be a part of that school.
28. Weight Loss.  I am glad that I no longer wheeze when I tie my shoes.  I'm not embarrassed to be in pictures.  I can play with my kids.  And I don't look like a shaved panda with a severe allergic reaction.  It's been nearly two years since I started the process, and have kept off the weight.  Unless you've been an enormous land dwelling mammal, you can't understand the freedom of being released from that.  
29. Entertainment.  I like movies, sports, music.  I enjoy playing Angry Birds, Word with Friends, and Jetpack Joyride.  I'm glad that there are things to waste time on.  And I'm glad we live in an era where that is accessible and acceptable.  I'm thankful my days aren't spent winnowing and my evening entertainment is watching crickets mate.  I admit it - I'm soft.  I like my fun time.
30. Hope.  I am thankful that we have hope.  It is a powerful thing.  It allows us to look to the future and dream of something better.  We can reach a different status.  We can grow a family.  We can think of something beyond this life.  To have no hope is a depressing thing.  I am thankful that is not where we have to be.  
31. MEGA HOLIDAY BONUS!!! Friends.  I often have avoided doing these lists for fear of leaving someone out.  If I did, I hope I haven't offended you.  I am so thankful for my friends.  They are such a great blessing.  I have tried to embed many of those people in other areas.  But as a way to catch some who fell through the nets, I offer up this point.  I thank God for people like David Tarkington, Benji and Amy Stultz, Toney and Anna Sauls, Randy and Susan Gillis, Tim DeMoor, Thomas Blevins, Greg Ramer, and so many others.  I may stumble along the path, but I never walk alone thanks to these people.  

White Elephant

It is the holiday season.  And we all know what that means, right?  CHRISTMAS PARTY TIME!!!  Sorry, to be appropriate, I guess I should say, HOLIDAY PARTY TIME!!!  (But, let's be honest, when I have ever strived to be appropriate?)  CHRISTMAS PARTY TIME!!!

One of the best parts of any good Christmas party is . . . the Christmas Bonus.  Aside from that, though, the best thing may be the Gift Exchange.  A good party can become legendary with a good Gift Exchange.  There are several versions of this - the Yankee Swap, the $5 and under, the Cookie Exchange, and (of course) the White Elephant.  To help you, my teeming masses of blogosphere friends, with your search for the perfect gift, I will offer up some White Elephant suggestions.  I have always considered myself a very good White Elephant gift exchange participant.  But I have also kept my best ideas to myself, hoping to use them.  However, now I work at a ministry with five employees.  So we don't have gift exchanges OR Christmas parties.  My gift to you, then, is my White Elephant Gift List.

Now, there are some rules for the gift exchange participant.  I want to go through those first, so that these gift ideas don't end up getting you fired or ostracized.

1. Know The Party Type - This is a big problem.  Many places don't define their gift exchange party, so you get an amalgam of gifts.  If you are running a party, make sure people know what they are supposed to be bringing.  If you are going to a party, make sure you ask what exactly you should bring.  I HATE it when I go to a regular $5 And Under party and some dingbat brings a fruitcake.  There isn't really good swapping going on when all the gifts aren't in the same class.
2. Don't Bring Fruitcake - Seriously, no originality there.  Ha ha.  Everyone hates fruitcake.  Joke's over.  Also, don't bring singing fish, dancing Santas, or any other cliched item.  Be original.  And, while we are at it, stay away from $5 bills and gift cards.  Those are going to get stolen and locked immediately.  Put some thought into it.  (I can't emphasize this enough.)
3. No Tennis Shoes - In one White Elephant exchange, I got a dirty tennis shoe.  In another, I got a blown out egg shell.  There was some laughter, but again, there is no swapping with those.  And the person who gets stuck with it feels ripped off.  So, don't bring broken or completely useless stuff.  It is just mean.
4. Keep It Moving - Gift Exchanges can be great, but they can also drag out for hours.  If you are running the party, keep things moving.  If you are a participant, know when your number is called. Don't hide your gifts.  And don't make a big deal if you get stolen from.  Just keep things going.
5. Clearly Define and Stick to The Rules - How many rounds?  How many times can something be stolen?  Can the first person go again at the end?  Is everything free game at that point?  You don't want the event ruined because someone got miffed at the end.  Also, don't break the money limit.  Again, it just isn't fun when someone brings a $20 gift and everything else is under $5.
6. Know Your Crowd - There is a gold mine of suggestions by knowing the people you work with, thinking through shared history, knowing the hierarchy of your company.  Also, if your co-workers don't have senses of humor, that really hampers your flexibility.

Okay, enough preaching.  ON TO THE SUGGESTIONS!!!  These are going to be for the White Elephant Gift Exchange.  I'm not giving ones for the other types.  Remember, White Elephant gifts should be humorous and creative.  So, think about your audience and have fun.  Here are some ideas.

• A Live White Mouse - Sure, the PETA people will probably get angry at you.  But this is a great idea!  And it is cheap.  I actually did this in college at a Student Government exchange.  The guy who got it was shaking the box and I said, "Uh, you may not want to do that." When he opened it, I guarantee you he wasn't expecting THAT!  And, it ended up being a hot item because one of the guys in our group had a snake.  
• An Actual White Elephant - The obviousness of this gift makes it a great idea.  I also used this once.  We had a little white ceramic elephant that I used.  And, with the large number of "do it yourself" ceramics places out there, it is pretty easy to make your own if you can't find it.  A White Elephant Mug.  A White Elephant Plate.  Good stuff.
• Framed Picture - This is an idea I had and never got to do.  If you work at a church or a company with a very identifiable leader, get a picture of this person.  (It works really well if there is already a photo that gets used for promotional materials.)  Print the picture at 8x10 or 11x13 and buy a cheap frame at a dollar store.  Then frame it and wrap it.  It's funny because no one wants to make any negative comments, because the guy is right there.  And it is also fun to see the brown nosers fight to get the picture.
• "Men Of..." Calendar - It is so easy now to print creative gifts.  And most of them aren't that expensive, especially at places like Sam's or Costco.  Or use Snapfish when they are running a special.  My thoughts for this is to get pictures of several of your co-workers.  Candids work best, especially innocent ones that can be misconstrued in the wrong context.  Then make a 2012 Men (or Women) Of The Company Calendar.  This works GREAT for church staffs, since there is no way this would ever exist outside of a prank.
• Justin Bieber  - No adult in their right mind will admit to liking the Beebster.  So, get something Bieberlicious and wrap it on up.  There are dolls, shirts, purses.  Lots of available options.  And, since they are aimed at kids, a lot of them are pretty reasonable.  You also could go this same route with Twilight, Big Time Rush, or anything else that makes a tweener girl screech.  [ED NOTE: My friend, Candy, reminded me that she used a Justin Bieber toothbrush at a recent party and it was a HUGE success.]
• Fake CD - This required some Photoshop skills.  Come up with a fake band and create a fake CD. I did this for my brother-in-law one year and then put an iTunes card inside the case.  Here's how it goes:  Pick a band (Screaming Monkey Trees), come up with a cool album name (The Monkey Within), create some weird and funny cover, and then make a fake CD using some of the worst songs you can find in your iTunes library.  Or, just take advantage of the 69 cent or free songs on Amazon's MP3 store or the iTunes store.  
• Real CD - If you can't create one yourself, go to a used CD store or Walmart and get something like The Chipmunks or Milli Vanilli.  Better yet, if you know someone in your office who loves a music style/artist that no one else likes, this is a great way to utilize that inner-office history.  Go find a copy of Polka or Tribal Music or War Chants.  Make sure you play up how bad the album is, to tweak your co-worker.  (You can do the same thing with horrible movies like Jumper or Glitter or Gigli or with horrible books like Twilight.)
• Goofy Ornament - There are some ridiculous ornaments out there.  Find one that you just can't believe is actually offered and wrap it up.  Good rule of thumb: If you think something is beyond stupid, it is perfect for a White Elephant exchange.
• Sports Team Items - Another chance to tap into your office knowledge.  If you have a lot of Gator fans in the office, get some FSU stuff.  If there are Seminole fans, get Miami stuff.  Alabama fans?  Stock up on Auburn gifts.  If you have one very vocal fan of something like Ohio State, find some insulting pro-Michigan stuff.  Don't be afraid to target one or two people with the gift.  That is still funny.

Well, I hope that gives you some good ideas.  And I'm sure that you will get some good ideas as you shop.  The best thing is to give yourself a little lead time.  If you wait to the last minute, that eliminates things like the homemade and home printed stuff.  Or, if you see something hilarious in July, go ahead and get it.  You know the party is coming up, so it doesn't hurt to have it on hand.  If something looks stupid, it is a good start.  And feel free to share how your gifts went.  Have a great time at the party and be a good sport.