Valentine Ruminations

Well,  thanks to the first ever poll on ye olde site, you get to read a Valentine's Day posting.  I am sure that all five of you who voted for it are thrilled beyond belief.  And for the one person who wanted me to write about Buffalo, well, I guess that amazing story will have to wait for another day.  And it is a good one, too.  But since you all wanted Valentine's, that is what you get.

• Valentine's cards are weird.  Jim Gaffigan makes a good point.  Where did this practice start?  "Ooo, I like what that guy said.  I'll just put my name on this here..."  Some of these things are so ridiculous, too.  "I know I don't say this nearly enough, but I love you."  How many years in a row can you get away with giving that one?  I read one today that said, "I know we don't get to see each other nearly enough."  Huh?  That's a bizarre comment for a Valentine's card.
• When exactly did cherry start horning in on strawberry's place as "official Valentine's fruit?"  You know, it is interesting.  Each holiday has its own fruits and vegetables for its confections and desserts.  Thanksgiving has pumpkin and cranberry.  Christmas has mint and gingerbread.  But it is such a big holiday that it also lets pumpkin and cranberry crash on the couch and hang around.  Pomegranate is trying to break into the Christmas rotation, I noticed.  7Up had a Winter Themed Pomegranate soda.  It was really good, but I didn't feel all Christmassy drinking it.  Valentine's Day always had strawberries.  Now, cherry is making a breakthrough.  I am cool with that because chocolates and cherries is one of my favorite combos.  This year, Three Musketeers introduced a cherry version.  Dove had a cherry caramel filled chocolate.  I'm sure this feud is far from over, though.  
• AMC was running a Valentine's Day marathon today.  They showed Father of the Bride 1 and 2.  Can you think of a less appropriate movie combo?  I always get depressed watching those films.  They aren't romantic.  They are sad.  I start thinking about Natalie growing up and I get upset. 
• Speaking of getting upset about Natalie, Steven Curtis Chapman must have decided it had been too long since Bob Carlisle's Butterfly Kisses was out to make dad's miserable.  He has some new song that I had to turn off the other day.  I can't wait to hear it a thousand times now.
• My mom and dad had their anniversary on Valentine's Day.  Pretty smart - you eliminate one date to remember.  It was the one night that they would get dressed up and go out.  My grandmother would come watch us.  They would go to Manero's or Raindancer or Beefeeters.  I always thought that was cool.  That was before every restaurant came up swith a Valentine's special to rip you off.  I'm surprised McDonald's hasn't come out with a "Couple's Double Dream - two double quarter pounders, two fries, two large cokes, and two apple pies for just $24.95."
• When exactly did Valentine's Day become the new Halloween?  When I went to school, you were lucky if you got a cheap cruddy Valentine from half the class.  (I, of course, had to make them for everyone.)  Now it is mandatory to give everyone Valentines.  I think we were the only parents who didn't give more than a card.  Our kids got PlayDoh, chocolate, candy, and some other stuff.  They had a whole stuffed bag of junk that they got at school.  Far cry from the measly bag of generic valentines I came home with when I was young.
• I don't get this new emphasis on giving gifts on Valentine's either.  Sure, couples doing that is fine.  But you see ads where parents are encouraged to buy their kids stuff like it is Christmas.  What's next?  Cupid is going to start flying around with a sack of goodies on his back?
• You know what makes a good romantic dinner?  Buffalo steaks.  At least I would hug anyone who made those for me.
• I would be remiss if I failed to at least mention the person who is my true Valentine - Brad Pitt.  Just kidding.  I, of course, am talking about Heather.  She's so awesome we don't even celebrate Valentine's Day.  Really, we don't.  We've been together for nine Valentine's Days.  I think we have done something special on maybe three or four.  We just don't see the sense in spending tons of money and fighting against huge crowds to prove we love each other.  We spent the night cleaning and watching Lost.  (Man, that show is good.)  I love Heather.  She is perfect for me.  As we move closer to our 10th Anniversary, I realize how much our lives have melded together.  And I am thrilled to be mixed up with her.  She is the coolest, funniest, wisest, smartest, most compassionate woman I know.  She is a great mom, great wife, great student, great friend.  And she'll make a great doctor too.  It's like God gave ME an awesome Valentine.  (We got engaged February 12, 2000)  That made up for all the lame years before.  And that's probably why I don't need to get tons of Valentine stuff now.  I'm still good with the Valentine who I'm mixed up with.  (all together now:  awwwwww)

In The Words of Kids: BE CAREFUL LITTLE MOUTH WHAT YOU SAY

As anyone who spends any time with me has probably realized, I don't always use the best language.  Sure, I have gotten rid of the curse words that peppered my speech for the better part of five years in high school and college.  But I replaced a lot of those words with what some may describe as "euphemisms."  While they are not "bad" words, they are not professional or cultured.  I have tried to cut back on the number of these words, but have not been too successful for some reason.

Well, it seems that I have a reason now to work harder - actually three reasons.  My kids have a nasty habit of hearing people's word choices and repeating them.  This doesn't just go for me - but for all people they see.  Oh, and the television.  I never realized the minefield that Peanuts television specials were until my kids starting going around calling each other "Blockhead" and saying how "stupid" things were - or my son telling a kid at school that he was going to "slug" her.  (Yes, HER.  Don't worry.  We had a NICE chat about that one.)  Funny how they weren't quick to memorize Linus' recitation of the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke.

Yesterday, I had an experience with this AGAIN - this time with my four year old daughter, Natalie.  I was sitting on the couch trying to get some work done, and she came traipsing in to see me.  Actually, she wanted to see the bowl of candy sitting on the piano.  "Daddy, can I have one of these little candy canes?"  My ears perked up.  Candy?  Here?  Ooooo.  So I looked over to the piano and saw a little bowl of mini candy canes.  Immediately I remembered that Heather had told me the other day she had bought fruity candy canes.  Even better.  I hate those peppermint ones.

Now my brain was in full planning mode.  I could accomplish two of my huge goals in life - not getting up and scoring candy.  So, I tossed a question out to determine how best to get myself some sweet treats.  "What kinds are there, Nat?"  She just looked at me, and in her not-sweetest tone replied, "What?"  I knew she had no clue, so hollered into the other room to Heather.  "What flavors of candy canes are these?"  Heather called back, "Um, I think there is pineapple, apple, watermelon, and grape."

[Taking a moment here, let me explain why the upcoming exchange happened.  When it comes to hard candy, I am pretty picky.  I know that you may not believe it by looking at me.  You would think I will eat just about anything that comes close to my face.  But that isn't true.  I am very picky about hard candy flavors.  I like cherry and orange and lemon - most of the time.  I HATE Jolly Ranchers and all their iterations.  I used to love Life Savers - especially the Five Flavors pack.  It had Cherry, Orange, Lemon, Lime, and Pineapple - which was always tolerable, but the fifth best flavor.  And I H-A-T-E apple, green apple, sour apple AND watermelon.  Those are the two worst flavors to me.  Grape is merely passable - and I would have to be jonesing for candy bad to eat it.  Back to the tale.]

So Heather calls with the flavors.  "Um, I think there is pineapple, apple, watermelon, and grape."  Immediately I call back to her, "Oh, so just sucky flavors."  Natalie is standing right by me and looks at me with her big bright eyes, "So can I have one of these sucky candy canes?"  I am stunned and now am trying to figure out how to fix this.  Before I can speak, she continues.  "Look, I can have this sucky pink one right here."  My brain is trying to get my mouth to get to work, "FIX THIS! FIX THIS!"  I stutter, "Uh, Daddy shouldn't have said that, Nat.  Don't use that word."  She has unwrapped the candy cane and has it in her mouth.

"Look, Dad, I'm sucking on it.  It IS a sucky candy cane.  I love sucky candy canes."  And she skips out of the room.  I just stare at the floor and wait for the door to get busted down by the Southern Baptist Convention.  At least Gabe can't understand me yet - the other two are doomed.  

[That last comment was a joke.  Gabe is doomed too.  He just doesn't know it yet.]