Why I Want Peyton Manning to Sign with Miami

I hate the Miami Dolphins.  I have never been shy to admit this.  I'm not exactly sure what created this pure hatred in my sports heart.  I think it was a combination of the fact that, growing up in South Florida, I was inundated with Dolphins coverage.  I had adopted the Cowboys as my NFL team of choice.  But, down in West Palm Beach (or Miami Jr., as I sometimes think of it), it was assumed that everyone was a Dol-Fan.  The newspapers would have page after page breaking down every play.  The news stations would spend four of their five minutes on sports talking about Miami teams.  News on other teams was usually limited to a paragraph on the "team by team capsule" page.  [Please keep in mind this was before ESPN owned all the sports leagues and Al Gore invented the interwebs.]  As a result, I grew to despise the Miami franchises.  The Dolphins and Hurricanes are both my least favorite teams in their respective leagues.  Since there was no Miami baseball team at the time, I turned my hatred to the Atlanta Braves - although over time I have learned to hate the Marlins as well.  And, thanks to LeBron and the rest, I have firmly placed the Heat in the Hate Zone.

My hatred for the Dolphins has only grown over the years.  As I have aged, I have realized some of my team-related anger is misplaced.  I have even found myself having somewhat fond feelings for teams that I used to loathe.  I really admire the way that some teams (Packers, Steelers) do business - something I didn't care about when I was 10, but appreciate now.  But the Dolphins have never received that mercy from me.  There are several reasons why.  First, the 1972 Dolphins are the most obnoxious single team in NFL history.  Some people think it is great how this one team continues to celebrate their perfect season.  Each year I root harder for another team to go 19-0 just to shut them up.  Second, Dolphins fans are on par with Gator fans for annoying behavior.  Back when the Dolphins started 10-2 before tanking December and missing the playoffs, Miami fans would crow and hoot about their team.  Then they quietly would disappear as their team did.  Now the Dolphins start every year 2-10 and then catch fire in December.  These same fans are eerily quiet for three months and then start yapping about how they are going to be unstoppable next year.  It gets old.  [Yes, I am perfectly aware that I am beyond biased.]  Third, Miami fans are some of the worst, more sports ignorant, fair weather fans in the world.  All you need to know is this: the Heat failed to sell out NBA Finals games when they stole their title.  How in the world do you have a non-sellout final game?!?  Fourth, the Heat are in Miami.  There is a major crossover of fan bases.  Enough for me.

That was all to give you a little history why I will make this next statement.  I desperately hope that Peyton Manning signs with Miami.  This is not because I think the Dolphins have suffered long enough.  I am not hoping he turns the franchise around.  I want him to sign with the Dolphins because I think that Manning, more than perhaps any other player in history, is the perfect athlete to increase and lengthen the agony of the Miami Dolphins.  I think that he can drag out their misery for another few years.  There also is a good chance that signing him will hurt the team longer than his career.  I'm all for that.  Here are some specific reasons why I feel this way.

1. Manning Can't Finish - From his days at Tennessee to his time in Indy, Manning has proven that he cannot finish.  He can run up 14-0 records, set passing marks score 50 points a game.  But, when it counts, he gets the yips and watches someone else lift the trophy.  He never won the Heisman - despite being the most dominant college player for four years.  He never won the National Championship - the Volunteers won after he left.  Even though the Colts frequently were the number one seed with a bye week, Manning only won one Super Bowl.  And that year the NFC put up the Bears, the equivalent of the Republican party running John McCain against Obama.  It reminds me of another great quarterback - Dan Marino.  See?  It's perfect.

2. Manning And the Florida Heat - I don't mean the super-obnoxious NBA franchise.  I am referring to the South Florida heat.  For the last fourteen years, Peyton Manning has played at least half his games in a climate controlled dome with a perfectly constructed field.  He has never had to deal with playing the majority of his games outside in the burning hot Florida sun.  Some would argue that Manning has done well in his trips to Florida - against the Gators, Dolphins, and Jaguars.  Manning was 0-4 against the Gators.  He is 14-5 against the Jaguars (okay, bad example), 5-7 against the Dolphins, and 2-0 against the Bucs.  However, even a positive record in Florida is different than playing there for the majority of your games, practicing there, going through summer training camps in the blistering, surface of the sun heat.  Throw in the unstable weather, the rain, the mud, the poor fields.  Should be great.

3. Manning and the Miami Heat - LeBron James and the Heat have said that Manning should come to Miami.  That alone is a bad omen.

4. Manning is Bound to Disappoint Physically - I don't care how well that Manning says he is playing. He has had three neck surgeries in the last eighteen months.  He is 36.  He is one of the most prepared and disciplined players in NFL history.  But that doesn't mean a whole lot when your body gives out on you.  It is only a matter of time.  Even if he makes it through one year or two years, this is not a long term decision physically.

5. Derails Long Term Planning - Everyone that assesses the NFL draft talks about how deep this draft is for quarterbacks.  The Dolphins have not had a strong quarterback since Dan Marino.  They have constantly been bringing in retreads, long shots, and big whiffs.  What they need to do is start from scratch and get someone they can build a franchise on.  Instead they are foregoing that in a deep draft and going all in for the immediate.  The really goofy things is that no one believes the Dolphins are one player from a title.  So throwing all in on Manning could cost Miami for years.  Awesome.

6. Brady/Eli Factor - Both Tom Brady and Eli Manning are tired of always hearing that Peyton Manning is the best quarterback around.  So both of those guys perform to their absolute peak when playing Peyton.  Now Brady will be playing Peyton twice a year.  As if the Patriots didn't already love beating down the Dolphins as frequently as possible, imagine their glee when they get to do it with number 18 at the helm.

7. Poetic Justice - The Dolphins have been defined in many ways by the amazing play and failure to close of Dan Marino.  Now they are turning to another quarterback that fits that category.  The Dolphins for the last fifteen years have been marked by streaky play.  They either start off strong out the gate and then stumble at the end or they suck tailpipe for three months and then do great at the end.  Now they are picking up a quarterback who has made a career out of that behavior.  The Dolphins are a franchise whose best days are behind them and who are living off past successes.  Well, you know.  It just makes sense.

So that is my completely unbiased reasoning for why I hope Peyton Manning decides to take his receding talents to South Beach.  In short, I hope that he goes there to give the Dolphins hope, only to take it away - thereby crushing the spirit of all Dolfans everywhere.  If that is hateful, so be it.  That's sports.  Meanwhile, I - like all Jaguar fans - will watch Tim Tebow perform minor miracles semi-consistently to a rabid and sold out stadium and wonder why oh why my team passed on him in favor of some no name defensive lineman.  All sports fans carry some baggage.  I hope the Dolphins' will include a past-his-prime Peyton Manning.

What We Can Learn From SB XLIV

Just when you thought it was safe to forget about football and focus on the lamest Winter Olympics in recent memory, here I come to throw in my two cents.  Now that we are removed from the Super Bowl, we have had time to think about the game.  But it isn't just morning-after reactions, repeated by thousands of annoying sports radio dimwits nationwide.  We can actually look at The Big Game (trademarked by the NFL) and come up with some lessons.  Some of these can be sports related.  Some are entertainment related.  And some are, considering the source, useless drivel.  And if you think that is going to stop me, then you haven't been reading this blog very long.

LESSON I: THE COLTS SHOULD HAVE PLAYED OUT THE SEASON
If there is one thing I hate, it is a professional sports franchise throwing in the towel.  It could be because they are terrible and want to get a better draft spot - like the NBA sees happen every February and April.  Or it could be because they are too good, and want to rest their players.  This is what happens to the Indianapolis Colts just about every year.  They start off with an amazing record, clinch their division by Thanksgiving, and cruise through the rest of the season.  This year, they started off 14-0 and only had games left against the struggling Jets and pathetic Buffalo Bills left.  They could have done what only two teams have ever done - gone through the regular season undefeated.  But the coach pulled the starters and they lost both games.  They won both playoff games convincingly, but seemed off in the Super Bowl.  And so, in the game they were supposedly helping their odds by sitting players, they just didn't have their mojo.  I really think the Colts threw themselves off by taking the break.  The one year they won the Super Bowl, they started 9-0, but finished 12-4.  It was one of the weaker Colts teams Manning had in his recent run.  But they had to play every week.  They had to play in the Wild Card round, instead of getting a playoff bye.  And they went on to win the title.  If they were going for 19-0 and football immortality, there would have been an added level of focus - even for Manning.  It seems like every year they take weeks off, they end up losing in big games.  Which leads into the next lesson...

LESSON II: PEYTON MANNING'S ADVANTAGE DECREASES BASED ON TIME BETWEEN GAMES
One of the things that makes Peyton Manning so great is his psychotic preparation.  He breaks down film and studies harder than anyone else.  And so he is more prepared than everyone else.  You can see that in the games.  He calls his own plays and seems to know what is going to happen before it does.  That is why he regularly has ridiculous regular season records.  Eliminating his first year, when the Colts were still atrocious, Manning has a 73% win percentage in the regular season.  But he is 9-4 after bye weeks (69%) - all of those four losses came against quality teams.  He's 2-4 in playoff games that he had two weeks to prepare for.  In college, Manning compiled a 40-9 record (81.7%).  In games after bye weeks, he was 10-3 (77%).  But against QUALITY teams after a bye, he was he was 3-3 (50%).  Two of the four UF defeats for Manning came after two week byes.  And the loss to Nebraska in the Orange Bowl his senior year was after having a month off.  It seems like maybe his preparation is so great during one week layovers - greater than anyone else.  But that second week gives others a chance to catch up - especially quality teams.  Cruddy teams are going to get beaten by Manning even if they have a month to prepare.  But when those opponents are on a similar plane, the extra week seems to nullify the Manning advantage.  And it gives Manning a chance to think about things too much.  I've heard announcers say, "You don't want to give Manning two weeks to prepare."  Yes!  Yes I do!  Give him two weeks.  He may just prepare himself out of beating me.

LESSON III:  WE WON'T SEE A SUPER BOWL LIKE THIS AGAIN SOON
I am certainly not saying this was the best game ever.  It was exciting.  There was a lot of drama and great moments.  We have had some great games lately - the Patriots/Giants game, the Cardinals/Steelers game last year, even the Colts/Bears game.  We haven't had a lot of those nauseating blowouts from the 90's.  Compared to those other games, this game wasn't that great.  BUT, the entire spectacle of the Super Bowl may not be seen again.  The unique situation of the Saints being involved against one of the five biggest stars in the NFL gave it dimensions far beyond a normal Super Bowl.  I thought that the Patriots going for an undefeated season against the Giants set the stage for the biggest game ever.  But, there are a lot of people who hate the Patriots.  And Eli Manning is not the same as Peyton Manning.  So that game was dwarfed by this one.  The Saints story was too compelling.  The nation as a whole really adopted the team after Katrina.  It was like anyone with any interest in football was invested in this game.  We all knew how big the game was to the whole Gulf region.  Last year, I wrote a preview of the Super Bowl, where I talked about the NFL teams and labelled them as national, regional, state, or city teams.  I incorrectly placed New Orleans in the State level.  I had no clue how huge they were to all the states around Louisiana.  And, after Katrina, they actually have become a national team.  That was evident by the numbers for this game.  The NFC championship game between the Saints and Vikings was the highest rating show since the Seinfeld finale.  The Super Bowl was the biggest show in television history - finally beating the MASH finale.  The Saints victory parade was shown live on CNN!  It was a huge deal with huge story lines.  The Saints, former league doormats, were going for a title.  The city of New Orleans looking for something great to grasp on to.   The Manning showdown - Archie's career in New Orleans vs Peyton.  Top that off with Drew Brees having one of the cutest kids in the world.  It was a huge game.  What could compare to that?  The long-suffering teams in the NFL do not resonate with the public like the Saints did this year.  Detroit?  Cleveland?  The Jets?  They aren't going to draw those numbers.  The Vikings?  I don't think so.  Too many people have some tie to The Big Easy - from a trip there or going to school there or getting arrested or naked there.  The only way I could see another game being this big is if Las Vegas got a team which stunk for 40 years.  Then Vegas would get destroyed by Transformers or a demon tornado.  Then they would rebuild and win the Super Bowl in a victory over the grandson of Peyton Manning and Jennifer Aniston.  Like I said, not likely to duplicate this soon.

LESSON IV: THE GOLDEN AGE OF SUPER BOWLS ADS IS OVER
So, did you run out and re-watch the Super Bowl ads?  Yeah, me neither.  There were four that I thought were really good.  The Betty White Snickers ad - largely due to the fact that Betty White is absolutely hilarious.  Abe Vigoda just put it over the top.  I liked the Dodge Charger "Man's Last Stand" ad, although I find it hard to believe that would be the car guys chose to make their last stand.  And I thought the Kia Sorrento ad with Muno and the giant Sock Monkey was great.  Each time I see it, I find new stuff.  The monkey getting a tattoo sewn on, Muno's dice themed bowling ball, the monkey on the bull.  Great ad.  Of course, the one with the biggest buzz was the David Letterman/Jay Leno/Oprah ad - which was brilliant, funny, and shocking all in one.  The problem is that these companies now are trying to live up to an imaginary standard.  They want a legen-(wait for it)-dary ad.  So they try to get something that everyone will love and talk about forever.  But, they are missing the boat.  With their focus groups and big name agencies and wilder reaches for humor, they are not really taking any risks.  The huge ads that have remained icons, they all were enormous risks that really paid off.  But they also were hated by a huge group of people.  The Apple 1984 ad?  There were a ton of people who thought it was creepy and confusing.  The Cindy Crawford Pepsi ad was deemed as sexually exploitative.  The Catfight Miller Lite ad was deemed pure filth.  But that is also what made them such legends.  Are you going to sit there and talk in awe about the first time you saw the house made out of Bud Light?  No.  The only ad from this Super Bowl that will be remembered for any length of time will be the Late Show one - due to how shocking it was to see Jay and Dave together.  It inspired as much analysis after the game as the game itself.  Shoot, there were articles already being posted about it DURING the game.  But that is the modern era of advertising and television programming.  It is analyzed and focus grouped to death.  Anything truly stunning is removed early in the process.  The Late Show ad was thrown together at the last minute.  Less than a dozen people knew about it.  That is why it was great - surprise and shock.  Not something manufactured to represent those things.

LESSON V:  UNTIL THE NETWORKS STOP BEING AFRAID, THE HALFTIME WILL USUALLY BE A WASTE OF TIME
The fear from Lesson IV is also apparent even more in Lesson V.  The Who?  What?  That is exactly what I said when the announcement was made months ago that they were performing.  Who the heck picked them?  We like to point at Janet Jackson as the reason why halftime shows have stunk lately.  But they were getting to be pretty dumb before that.  They want to replicate the spectacle from Michael Jackson's show years ago.  So they keep going for big stars.  Only now, they also are worried about content.  There have been XLIV Super Bowls.  We have, to this point, only seen one nipple (nipple shield actually).  And it was not planned.  So, is all of this caution is being exerted to stop something from happening that was never supposed to happen in the first place?  Shoot, one year they had Aerosmith, Britney Spears, 'N Sync, Nelly, and Mary J Blige on stage together and everyone stayed clothed.  If nothing happened then, why would it now?  So the networks keep picking "safer" acts - ones that appeal to a wide variety of people.  But, in those safe years, we have had Prince placing his guitar in front of his groin to make it look like, um, his unit.  And we have had Bruce Springsteen slide crotch first into a camera.  How's that safer acts going for you, guys?  What they need to do is pick someone who is going to be a great performer - someone who has a track record of great concerts.  Not someone who used to put on great shows.  Someone who still does.  Look at U2 and their performance back in 2002.  It was phenomenal.  They put on a great show.  But they are a risk.  They are very political, vocal, and Bono one time dropped a F-bomb during the Grammy's.  They do a great show.  The networks need to go to these artists and say, "Listen, we know you are a musician and have the desire to shock.  But if you do anything stupid, we will tell our parent company to ban you from everything they ever do again.  We will throw you under the bus and destroy you.  Put on the best show you can.  Sing well.  Keep it clean. Don't mouth off.  100 million people will watch you and if you do a great job, they will go buy your albums.  If not, they will eat you alive and we will help them.  The end."  Then they need to go to groups that are doing great stuff now.  If they are too modern, tell them to do a big cover with an older guest star.  If they are old, tell them to do a big cover with a newer guest star.  Coldplay, Bon Jovi, Beyonce with Gladys Knight, Metallica with an orchestra (seriously - it is amazing), U2 again, Justin Timberlake, Black Eyed Peas and Stevie Wonder.  There, you have acts through Super Bowl LI.