Next Iron Chef: Finale

I'm in a giving mood this Christmas season.  And I feel like giving you some blog posts.  If you're interested in that kind of stuff, be looking for several posts on seasonal things, year end reviews, and Christmas thoughts.  But first, I wanted to give my final thoughts on what was a tremendous season of Next Iron Chef.

At the very beginning, I picked Geoffrey Zakarian to win the contest.  So, I had a major rooting interest in the finale.  In addition, as I expressed in my last recap, I felt that Elizabeth Falkner was getting unfair advantages due to her being "just a pastry chef" and being "a woman."  I know that reality shows - especially ones created to generate a new position within a network - are going to be somewhat rigged in favor of the demographic the network is desiring.  The fact is that on Iron Chef America, there are no female Iron Chefs any more.  I'm not sure what happened with Cat Cora, but she isn't pictured on the roster.  Food Network would, naturally, want a female back in the lineup.  And, watching the season, the females seemed to be getting advanced on less than their male counterparts.  But, the problem came when it got down to the final five.  Women had to be eliminated and it was impossible to keep them in without it being blatant.

I didn't think that Elizabeth Falkner should have been in the finale.  Michael Chiarello was clearly the right choice to compete against Zakarian.  Throughout the entire competition, those two were the top chefs.  Now, Falkner was incredible.  At times she was brilliant.  But it always felt like she was being graded on a curve.  Even in the finale, Bobby Flay made the "just a pastry chef" comment.  At this point, that shouldn't matter.

If you watched the show, this next summary was said about fifty times.  But it came down to technical mastery (Zakarian) against creativity (Falkner).  That isn't to say that Zakarian isn't creative or Falkner isn't technical gifted.  Both chefs are insanely good.  But it really did come down to the fact that Zakarian is a technical master and Falkner is one of the most creative chefs I have ever seen in these contests.  This kind of conflict made it very tough to decide who should win.  Both chefs did an extraordinary job.  They had to create a holiday feast and both of them crafted something truly amazing.  So, what do you pick?

Michael Symon and Bobby Flay are brilliant judges in addition to being great chefs.  In the finale, they both made some extremely insightful comment that really distilled the challenge of who to pick.  Symon said that Zakarian is really a chef at the top of his game, his peak.  Falkner is just scratching the surface of how great she can be.  The flip version of that is Zakarian is older and there is nowhere to go be down and that Falkner is still somewhat inexperienced.  We see the same battle in an NFL team when choosing a quarterback.  Do you pick someone like Peyton Manning (before the injury) or Tom Brady who are technical masters and absolutely brilliant RIGHT NOW - but who will be sliding down the charts before too long?  Or do you pick someone like Andrew Luck or Andy Dalton who has tremendous upside - but who will make some mistakes over the next few years?  If you take the older master, you get to enjoy their brilliance without suffering through the learning process - but their shelf life is shorter.  If you take the new superstar, you put up with a few years of rocky performance - but you get to enjoy their ENTIRE career of brilliance, once they get there.

Flay's good comment came when assessing the range of skills the two chefs offered.  He said that Zakarian is at the absolute top of what he does.  But with Falkner, she probably does MORE things and gives a wider range of skills - due to her pastry background.  But she doesn't do those things as well as Zakarian.  This seemed to be the prevailing opinion with the judges.  As they went around, they were asked to give their favorite single dish of the showdown.  They all said Falkner's cranberry sorbet dish.  Then they were asked who made the better meal.  All of them said Zakarian.  This really was a picture of the competition as a whole.  Falkner's highs were higher.  But the consistency was all Zakarian.  He never really DESERVED to be in the bottom two.  Once he got thrown in there due to a rule technicality.  Once it was dirty pool by Anne Burrell.  The judges never really had anything bad to say about his dishes the entire time.  In fact, the first really negative comments he got were from one judge about one meat dish in the finale.  But Falkner made several dishes that were just ridiculously good.

I think that if you broke down the finale, it was really even.  At first they were supposed to make three dishes.  Then the Chairman threw two more dishes and a cocktail at them.  So they had to make five total dishes and a drink.  The reviews were pretty even - lost of positives, very few negatives.  In a real twist, Falkner won the "main course" over Zakarian.  His restaurant specialize in meat dishes.  But her Beef Wellington seemed to be better than his "gifts" of beef and vegetables.  I think something very telling was the dessert round.  Falkner was naturally brilliant.  She made a chocolate cake with peppermint snow and peppermint ice cream.  This should have been where she blew Zakarian away.  If he had done a passable dessert, he would have lost.  But he came up with a buttermilk and peppermint ice cream thingee that wowed the judges (except one).  I think that gave him enough leverage that he didn't fall too far behind in her expert area.

In the end, I was seriously worried that Falkner was going to win.  As I was watching with Heather, I told her as much.  "I really think Falkner is going to win.  Oh well, I just won't watch her episodes like I didn't watch Cat Cora."  It isn't because they were women.  It was because I hardly ever wanted to eat anything they made.  They weren't relatable.  Conversely, when Zakarian was presenting his food, Heather said to me, "I want to eat everything he makes."  We have actually talked about the fact that we will have to make sure we visit his restaurants when we finally get to go to NYC together.  That is the way I feel about Bobby Flay.  That is how I fell about Michael Symon.  And Guy Fieri.  I want to eat their food.  (And having eaten at Flay's Mesa Grill, I can attest that his food is absolutely amazing.)  I felt that way every week about Zakarian.  I rarely felt that way about Falkner.

When the results came in, Zakarian's picture was hanging on the wall as The Next Iron Chef.  I felt bad for Falkner.  She had put up a tremendous effort.  I was very impressed with her skills and resourcefulness.  But I had a hard time warming up to her, which is not a good quality for a network chef.  [On a side note, during the finale the Food Network announced a poll for viewers to vote on which Next Iron Chef contestants should get a shot at redemption.  Is this next year's theme?  I hope so.  I can only imagine Falkner, Anne Burrell, and last year's loser Marco Canora will be a part.  Sound great already.]  All in all, I thought the season was amazing.  The cooking was out of this world.  And it was fun to see these personalities that are all over the Food Network actually demonstrating WHY they are all over the network.  I look forward to Zakarian's first battle this Sunday.  Thanks to all for putting up with my thoughts on the series.

Next Iron Chef: Final Four

I made sure that I didn't allow myself to write weekly recaps for Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs - even though I wanted to.  The series has solidified itself as one of my favorites during this fall season.  It has more drama than most shows on network television.  And some of it is funnier than any sitcom.  And, the way the judges blather on about the food, it is like some sort of romance....  That's just weird.  Anyway.  Let's really quick run a comparison of my picks to how things have panned out:

MY PICKS

1. Geoffrey Zakarian
2. Robert Irvine
3. Anne Burrell
4. Marcus Samuelsson
5. Michael Chiarello
6. Alex Guarnaschelli
7. Elizabeth Falkner
8. Beau MacMillan
9. Chuck Hughes
10. Spike Mendelsohn

ACTUAL RESULTS

1. ???
2. ???
3. ???
4. ???
5. Anne Burrell
6. Marcus Samuelsson
7. Beau MacMillan
8. Chuck Hughes
9. Robert Irvine
10. Spike Mendelsohn

Yeah, I haven't done so well.  Only one of my final four is still left.  The thing about this show is that the level of cooking is so insane that on Sunday a guy almost got eliminated because he put powdered sugar on a souffle and one judge didn't like it.  Alton Brown (in a rare moment of non self aggrandizing clarity) asked him, "Are you seriously prepared to eliminate someone because you didn't like the fact they used a dusting of powdered sugar?!?"  The judge replied that in this competition something like that could actually send someone home.  And the crazy thing is that he's right.  So far, no one has had that classic train wreck day where they completely bombed something and got booted.  Every elimination was extremely difficult.  Anne Burrell summed it up best on her way out this week.  "Usually it is whoever sucks less stays.  But in this it has been who is less excellent."  I have a couple of observations before I do a quick evaluation of the remaining chefs.

• Food Network is NOT rigging this competition.  My rankings were based partly on the cynical opinion that the Network was directing the judges (at least somewhat).  They were worried that an early exit could hurt the legitimacy of one of their "face" judges.  Or they were trying to push someone into a higher level of notoriety. Or that they were going to favor their own chefs over Top Chef contestants.  All of those were wrong.  One of the biggest faces of Food Network went out in the second show.  One of the biggest Top Chef contestants is still left - and probably the favorite at this point.  Aside from the slightly annoying way that the females have gotten more breaks, the show has been surprising fair.
• The Females Have Gotten More Breaks.  At the halfway point, Anne Burrell noted that all the ladies were left in the competition and none had been in the bottom two.  Sadly, that isn't because they have done the best.  It seems like Food Network would REALLY love to have a second female Iron Chef.  Personally, I think Guarnaschelli should have been out a couple weeks ago.  And Falkner should have followed her out.  But they are still here.  And, at this point, they have as good of a shot as anyone - if not better.
• I Was Really Wrong About Beau MacMillan.  When I first reviewed this show, I commented on how I didn't like Beau.  I thought he was arrogant and wished he went home early.  Well, I was wrong on that.  When he finally got eliminated, the judges all looked at each other and said how incredibly nice he was and how they hated to send him home.  And it was obvious on the show.  He was the most gracious of the contestants.  And his cooking was great.  It made me think that the reason he was SO bad on Worst Cooks in America was because it was so against his character, instead of because he was just bad on camera or a pompous turd.  
• These Chefs Can Really Cook. Sometimes you have to wonder just how good a television chef is.  Are they really THAT amazing?  Or is it the huge test kitchen, the sous chefs, the infinite budget that makes them great.  That is one of the great things about this show - and shows like Iron Chef.  After watching Bobby Flay for years on Iron Chef and Throwdown (and eating at Mesa Grill twice in Vegas), there is no doubt this dude can cook.  Some of these celebrity chefs or tv judges - we've never seen them do anything.  So to see them on a show like this?  It shows you just how talented they are.  Geoffrey Zakarian is the best example of this.  For years on Chopped and 24 Hour Restaurant Battle, he was just this older judge.  Who the heck is this guy?  Then he competed on Celebrity Chopped and destroyed people.  The other chefs were terrified of him.  Then he gets on this show and has been heads and tails above the others - when it comes to technique and flavors.  Similar story with Michael Chiarello.  It makes you realize just how these chefs got to where they are. 
• Very Talented People are Often Arrogant Jerks.  I hate listening to some of the arrogant comments coming out of these contestants' mouths, though.  Anne Burrell has always been like that.  It is part of her, uh, "charm."  I hate it.  I have no doubt it my mind she is a crazy good chef.  But I hate her arrogance.  On this past episode, she had the chance to put one chef into the elimination round.  She was rude about every dish she tasted - far more critical than the real judges. (Falkner wondered if her taste buds were compromised from having just cooked three dishes with sardines.  Good question, in retrospect.)  Then SHE got voted into the elimination round and was sent home.  She had her arms crossed, had a rude look on her face the whole evaluation time, was very ungracious upon elimination.  It made me glad she was out.  I know that talent and arrogance often go hand in hand.  Doesn't mean I have to like it.

Okay, so there are just four chefs left: Geoffrey Zakarian, Michael Chiarello, Alex Guarnaschelli, and Elizabeth Falkner.  And I think two get eliminated this week, which will set us up for the final.  Below is my scouting report on the last four.  I'm going to include their highlight moment, what could send them home, and their odds on winning.  Of course, remember I didn't do so great predicting.  So don't blame me if you lose all your money betting on them in Vegas.

1. Michael Chiarello  It is hard to decide what his best moment has been.  So far, he has been in the bottom two only once.  In that episode he made handmade pasta and a pesto using peanuts.  In thirty minutes.  The other chefs were incredulous.  Then on Sunday he made a lobster risotto.  In twenty-five minutes.  Risotto takes forty-five minutes.  He did it in almost half that time.  I don't know how.  Maybe he has a time turner.  He doesn't have a lot of flaws.  His biggest problem is that he does not listen to criticism AT ALL.  But, he doesn't get criticized a lot.  It is hard to see what he will do to get eliminated.  Odds: 2 to 1
2. Elizabeth Falkner  She is a pastry chef, the underdog, underestimated by the others.  We know this because she says it EVERY EPISODE.  Frankly, I'm tired of her schtick.  And so are the other competitors.  She has made exemplary food.  BUT, it always seems to be more highly rated because "she's just a pastry chef."  It is like the judges are impressed, but more so due to her background.  That's not to say she doesn't do hard stuff and do it well.  Burrell made the comment, "She's made three ice creams and a souffle.  When is she going to make some real food?"  If the judges pick up on this, that could (and should) derail her.  But they seem to be oblivious so far, and blinded by her ability to do things outside of her comfort range - even when they aren't.  [Good example.  Sunday, she made a tuna jerky souffle.  (yeah, gross)  It was superb.  She got raves, again partly because "she's just a pastry chef."  Zakarian did some amazing, intricate, wonderful beef dish and it was like, "Well he runs a steakhouse.  Of course he did it well."  And then when he made a souffle for the elimination, no one made a big deal about his ability to make such a great dessert when "he's just a steak guy."]  Odds: 4 to 1
3. Alex Guarnaschelli  She's good.  (Her sausage and peppers meal at the ballpark was phenomenal.)  And she's lucky.  And she the judges cut her too much slack.  Every time she has botched her meal (at least three), someone else botched theirs worse.  Or one element of hers was so good that it made up for the one that wasn't.  She's never been in the bottom two - and if she was, I think she would lose.  She gets panicky very quickly if something goes wrong and overwhelmed, but somehow finishes.  If she was to have two things go wrong, she would crack.  And with such a small set of contestants, it won't be as easy to hide her mistakes.  She would have been in the bottom two last week and probably gone home, if it wasn't for the fact that one spot was filled by Burrell's pick.  Like I said - lucky.  You can look at that two ways.  One, luck runs out.  Two, a run to a championship usually involves a little luck.  Odds: 7 to 1
4. Geoffrey Zakarian  If this was a straight up cooking competition, he would have already won.  The other chefs would have quit.  Michael Symon said this the other day.  "Your technique is so consistently good that it makes me hate you sometimes."  He has never really misstepped on a meal.  Any grievances were tiny - and should have been dwarfed by other major miscues of other chefs.  Yet, somehow, he has been in the bottom two three times.  I think two things can derail him.  First, things come so easily to him that there isn't a "Wow Factor" for him.  Falkner impresses by being outside of her comfort zone.  To Zakarian, everything is in his comfort zone.  So they blow his errors out of proportion and minimize his successes.  Second, he doesn't follow the rules.  When they say, "Make one dish" he makes three.  When they put their goofy rules on a competition, if he doesn't like them, he doesn't do them.  He came the closest to elimination on the ballpark challenge because he refused to make ballpark food.  I can totally see him getting kicked out because he is stubborn.  And too good for his own good.  Odds: 3 to 1

Next Iron Chef: Game Changer

I certainly never intended to do a weekly recap of Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs, but that was before two things happened in this last week's episode.  First, the show positioned itself to become the greatest competition show in the history of Food Network.  Second, my entire set of picks from week one got completely turned on its head.  I realized that there actually is not an ulterior motive driving this show.  Literally, anyone can go out at any time.  And it got proved this past week when my top two landed in the bottom three and the person many expected to win went home.

Just to recap my picks, I had projected the following order:

1. Geoffrey Zakarian
2. Robert Irvine
3. Anne Burrell
4. Marcus Samuelsson
5. Michael Chiarello
6. Alex Guarnaschelli
7. Elizabeth Falkner
8. Beau MacMillan
9. Chuck Hughes
10. Spike Mendelsohn

Needless to say, I am a little bit nervous now.  The bottom three were Zakarian, Irvine, and Chiarello.  Burrell got throttled for playing it too safe.  Samuelsson got reamed out again for making too many dishes.  And Guarnaschelli, who looked completely outmatched last week, sailed to the first place finish without a single negative comment by any of the judges.  In fact, the top three were Falkner, Guarnaschelli, and Hughes.  MacMillan still is kind of floating around, limping on his injured ankle - which is kind of a metaphor for his involvement in this whole show.

The battle was to take stadium food and reinvent it as Kitchen Stadium Food.  (Ha, clever.)  I thought the judging as a whole was a bit odd.  Zakarian admitted that he doesn't have a freaking clue what constitutes ballpark food.  So he just made this two ridonkulous dishes that were labeled by the judges, "The best food we've eaten in this entire competition."  That earned him a seventh place finish.  Meanwhile, Hughes tossed out this hoagie that was so messy and disorganized that they could barely eat it.  Naturally, he came in second.  The only intelligent rankings were Guarnaschelli first and Chiarello last.  

The last place finish allowed viewers to finally see the reason why I can't stand Chiarello.  He made some bizarre dish and topped it off with a raw egg yolk in a shell.  The judges hated it and told him so.  Then Alton Brown, being the snotty arrogant turd he is, went on to lecture Chiarello by holding up his egg and allowing the whites to drip off.  "If you are going to use raw egg, you certainly need to make sure it doesn't look like this (whites drip off for effect).  An inability to separate an egg is hardly characteristic of an Iron Chef."  The camera cut to Chiarello.  "You didn't like the egg, fine.  Tell me and move on.  No need to beat it into the ground."  Now, don't get me wrong, I wish someone would punch Alton Brown in the mouth for his self- absorbed schtick.  But that is what he does.  That is why the Food Network put him in this position.  Brown truly believes he is smarter and better than everyone else in the food universe.  You need someone that delusional to stay tough as the host with these big shot chefs.  If I was Chiarello, I would have bristled too.  Then I would have calmly walked to the end of the table and slammed Brown's head and his ridiculous fedora into the plate of food.  It is just that every single time they interviewed Chiarello, he was basically taking the stance that there is no way he should be in last place.  There's a fine line between confidence and cockiness.  All celebrity chefs are confident.  Some are cocky.  I can't stand those guys.  Don't ask me to define it.  Using the cop out the Supreme Court created, "I just know it when I see it."

Anyway, the final showdown between the bottom two was Irvine and Chiarello.  They had to use peanuts and had thirty minutes to create a dish to highlight this.  Apparently this is is extremely difficult since all of the chefs had their eyes bug out like in a Looney Tune cartoon.  Irvine came up with a fish dish - halibut crusted with peanuts on a peanut hummus with a peanut sauce and sauteed vegetables.  It looked awesome - like something he has pulled out of thin air numerous times on Dinner Impossible.  This is exactly why I expected him to win.  He has made a career out of this kind of stuff.  

Chiarello decided to make a fettucini with peanut pesto, along with a side tomato salad.  Take a second and read that again.  He made a fettucini with peanut pesto.  No, he didn't crack open a box of Ronzoni.  He freaking MADE PASTA.  In thirty minutes.  That means he made it from scratch.  The other chefs were just stunned.  Just about every single one of them said they couldn't believe he was making pasta.  In thirty minutes.  This was the moment when I knew Irvine was going home.  You can't compete with that.  Chiarello didn't even blink about the concept of pulling it off either.  He broke down the time and just did it.  He deep fried the peanuts (What?!?) and then used them instead of pine nuts in the pesto.  Then he tossed that with his HOMEMADE PASTA.  (I still am thrown off by this.)  Wham.  

The judges didn't know what to do.  Both dishes were superb.  Irvine ended up getting voted off 2-1 because his peanut hummus was a little too gummy.  And probably because they realized that Chiarello had MADE HIS STINKING PASTA.  The rest of the chefs were visibly shaken when Irvine left.  I think that all of them thought he was going to be in it for the long run. Plus, Chiarello made a great point at the end of the show.  He said that he wasn't upset to be in the bottom two.  That had given him one more experience in a Kitchen Stadium setting than the others.  He is more of a force than I thought.  Actually, it is obvious I don't know anything about the show.  My entire evaluation structure got turned on its head.  There are several things I realized this week.

1. Zakarian is this year's Ming Tsai.  Last year, Tsai could cook circles around everyone.  But the reason he lost was because he too often didn't follow the exact wording of the challenges.  Zakarian is in that boat.  He has more cooking ability than anyone else there.  That's obvious by the way the judges respond to his food.  But if he doesn't stick to the rules, he will get booted out.
2. Marcus Samuelsson needs to settle the heck down.  So far, the chefs have had to create four dishes - Samuelsson has had to do five, since he was in the bottom last week.  Samuelsson has made eleven.  He always does extras, just to impress the judges.  The problem is, they aren't impressed.  They even went so far as to say that the next time he makes extras, they are going to make him tell him which ones to judge and they won't taste the others.  
3. Alton Brown gets more annoying every year.
4. There is a big difference between cooking for "regular people" and cooking for judges.  This is the biggest variable I missed last week.  The challenge this week was crafted for Robert Irvine.  It was basically the same thing he has done before on Dinner Impossible.  You go raid the vendors at a ballpark and come up with dishes with what you find.  I've seen that show.  Irvine excelled and everyone raved.  But, in that case, the Everyone raving was a group of regular people.  It is easier to impress regular people with cooking than experts.  Think about it - when Irvine cooks for three hundred construction workers, do you really think some foreman is going to tell the camera the flavor profiles weren't consistent?  One of Irvine's dishes was a Hot Burg.  He took hot dogs and ground them up and mixed them with the hamburgers he was making.  Brilliant.  Alton Brown said it was great.  It would have killed with average people.  But the judges were unimpressed.  That was Irvine's downfall.  He is the best chef on Food Network's roster when it comes to knowing what average people wants.  That is how he is so successful with Dinner Impossible.  That is how he does such a great job in helping people fix their restaurants on Restaurant Impossible.  That is why he is such a great coach on Worst Cooks in America.  It really is why I like him so much.  And that is precisely why couldn't be the Iron Chef.  They don't want someone who will impress the masses.  They want someone who will wow the food judging elite.  
5. This show is going to be a LOT more exciting than I thought it would be - and that is saying a lot.  There aren't many shows that I watch live any more.  I'll let it record on my DVR and wait fifteen minutes just so I can fast forward through commercials.  The only shows that we, on a regular basis, are too excited to wait the fifteen minutes.  The first is Castle on ABC.  The second is Burn Notice on USA.  And the third is Next Iron Chef.  Pretty elite company in our house.

Next Iron Chef. Now with Superpowers!

I am a Food Network junkie.  It is often the default station on our cable box.  It's generally safe for the whole family and something worth running in the background.  I find it extremely entertaining.  I got hooked on it when I was in my mid-20s.  I cut my teeth on Alton Brown's Good Eats and Emeril's various shows.  I remember back when Bobby Flay was an atrocious, abrasive, arrogant disaster - instead of the flagship icon of the Food Network empire.  I have been there for the changing of the guard, as Emeril and Mario Batali exited and were replaced by Robert Irvine and Guy Fieri.  I have gone from thinking Alton Brown was the most brilliant man on television to being thankful he ended his show, due to his smug sense of self worth.

The network originally was full of your standard cooking shows.  But somewhere along the line, they decided that they should get into the cooking competition game.  The concept is brilliant and ridiculous all at once.  You get to see these brilliant chefs and bakers race to create increasingly complex dishes, cakes, pumpkin carvings, whatever.  It is fun and exciting to watch this process - knowing we, as viewers, would be as out of our element among them as in the 100 meters race in the Olympics.  But, the judging is so freaking subjective.  That's part of the entertainment value, I think.  You see these people create this hugely intricate ten foot cake or this unbelievably artistic meal using virtually no ingredients, and then the judges have to decide a winner.  How do you possibly quantify that?!?  But these challenge shows have become a massive part of Food Network's lineup.  Then are extremely successful, entertaining, and addictive.  From Cupcake Wars to Cake Challenge to Chopped to Dinner Impossible to the new Sweet Genius.

The whole system is, in fact, genius.  While Food Network is punching out these relatively inexpensive shows with huge followings, they also are generating new on air talent.  They can throw three people up there as judges and it gives them credibility.  We have no clue who these jokers are.  But if they are good enough to judge, they must be someone special.  And, when someone does a superlative job in a competition, suddenly you will see them in more competition shows, or featured on Best Thing I Ever Ate, or they'll get their own show.  Brilliant talent mining.  The two most obvious of these type of talent identification shows are Next Food Network Star and Next Iron Chef.  Both of these shows are wildly popular.  They have huge stakes - a guaranteed hosting gig and the considerable heft of the Food Network marketing machine behind you.  The winners aren't always guaranteed home runs - though some are massive successes (Guy Fieri, Michael Symon, Aarti, Melissa D'Arabian).  And you don't have to win to gain a career.  (Aaron Sanchez lost Next Iron Chef and still became a huge star on the network.)

The Next Iron Chef is like the Super Bowl of competition shows.  Food Network has taken the title of Iron Chef and made it their highest honor.  You can be a James Beard winner, an owner of multiple restaurants, a host of your own show.  But unless you are an Iron Chef, you still haven't reached the pinacle.  And the way these chefs talk about the title, it is like the entire restaurant community are all lusting after this goal.  (I severely doubt this is true.  But it makes for good television.)  We know the Iron Chef is all a big gimmick.  Ever time "The Chairman" pops up, I have to laugh.  On the original Japanese show, the guy who played The Chairman was unknown to Americans.  So he had this mystique of possibly being a crazy guy who created the whole competition.  But on the American version, The Chairman is obviously an actor.  He competed on Dancing with the Stars.  He is the main bad guy on Hawaii Five-O.  Whenever he shows up, I'm like, "Someone go call Scott Caan.  Yo Fat is right there!  They can arrest him!"

They've had Next Iron Chef three times.  The first time, it made sense.  The original Iron Chefs were slowly being phased out, getting older.  Wolfgang Puck wasn't part of the stable any more.  Mario Batali was on his way out of his perch at Food Network.  They had brought in Cat Cora at some point.  But there basically were just three people doing the job - Bobby Flay, Morimoto, and Cora.  So, adding a fourth made sense.  It was a great show.  And any of about five guys could have won and done well.  It came down to Michael Symon and John Besh.  I was rooting for Besh, but looking back I know that Symon made a better winner.  He's been a superstar for the network.  Big win.  The second year, the show was still good.  But the winner, Jose Garces, was one of those winners that played it safe.  He was good, but not brilliant.  There were others who were better in certain weeks, but they would have a fantastic flame out at some point and get eliminated.  I have been very disappointed in Garces as an Iron Chef.  This is probably why he is rarely used.  Last year, the competition again was brilliant.  But, we saw a little bit of Food Network trickery.  They stuck Ming Tsai into the competition.  I wrote about this at the time.  I think the network was secretly hoping he would win, because it would have made sense for him to be an Iron Chef.  He could have been one in the first place.  He ended up third.  Marc Forgione beat Marco Canora in the final.

Either one was talented enough to be the winner.  But, again, Food Network had an Iron Chef that just wasn't really as good as he should have been.  I think Canora, in retrospect, would have been the better Iron Chef because throughout the show he was the better showman.  Forgione's personality is much calmer.  That doesn't work in Kitchen Stadium.  Part of the reason that the Iron Chefs work is because they are so over the top.  This wasn't true in the original Japanese show, but it is true in the American version.  They aren't obnoxious.  But they know how to play to the camera.  Flay, Cora, Batali, Morimoto, Symon (and Puck, when he did it), were great on camera.  They had their own shows.  They knew what worked and didn't.  So they made the challenges seem harder.  They sold their food better.  They worked the judges better.  Part of what makes it so difficult for a chef to come in and win the Iron Chef battle is that they don't know HOW to work the room.  They may be arrogant or cocky, but they can't handle the clock or they seem overly nervous with the judges.  Garces and Forgione still don't have the camera presence.

So, this year, Food Network made a brilliant decision.  Instead of searching America for the top chefs again, they just went the Celebrity Chef route.  They took a bunch of these judges, hosts, and challenge winners they've been developing for years and put them in as contestants.  Absolutely brilliant.  Now, not only do they know these guys can cook, but they also are people who are used to the clock AND they know how to sell it to the camera.  It was a master stroke.  In addition, instead of just having a challenge each week and cutting someone, they have a challenge to determine the bottom TWO.  Then those two have to have a cut throat battle to see who gets tossed.  I LOVE it.  The only trap for Food Network is who to kick off first.  You don't want to reveal any of your big wigs as paper tigers, or diminish the credibility of your judges.  So what do you do?

Now, anyone who watches a lot of food challenge television knows Food Network is not the only gig in town.  It is the biggest gig.  But there is also Bravo and TLC.  Bravo has Top Chef.  This show actually is bigger than anything that is run by Food Network.  It is seen as a pretty big deal show by entertainment writers and critics.  I can only imagine that there is a big rivalry between the Top Chef and Food Network universes.  TLC usually comes along and poaches people from Food Network after they have become familiar.  Buddy on Cake Boss got famous on Food Network Challenges.  TLC had some cake competition last year that was completely made up of people who used to frequent Food Network cake challenges.  I have no idea if this played a part in Food Network's stocking of competitors for this run, but I have a sneaky feeling that it did.  I even told Heather last night how I thought the eliminations would go - before the episode.  Here is a brief rundown of the ten competitors and my expectations for the show.

• Anne Burrell - She is a Food Network home grown star.  She started off as sous chef to Mario Batali on Iron Chef America, which is going to give her a HUGE advantage in this show.  She hosts Worst Cooks in America and Secrets of a Restaurant Chef.  She is cocky and has an amazing television presence.  And she can cook like no one's business.  She has the pedigree and the experience.  Plus, every time she competes with Robert Irvine - the other big dog in this show - she beats him.  I think she should be one of the final three.  Projected Finish - 3rd
• Michael Chiarello - Food Network star and mega-big shot chef in California.  He is the only Emmy winner in the roster for his show Easy Entertaining with Michael Chiarello.  I find him extremely annoying and can't stand his show.  But, I am in the minority, I fear.  He is extremely resourceful and talented.  The other chefs really admire him.  He has the self-confidence and talent.  But I think he is too calm - and they don't need another guy like that.  I think he is one of the middle ones to go.  Projected Finish - 5th
• Elizabeth Falkner - She is primarily a pastry chef, but can do anything.  She is one of the Top Chef/Food Network hybrids.  She has competed in Iron Chef America and has appeared on several Food Network shows.  BUT she also was a judge on Top Chef and a competitor on Top Chef Masters.  This means that she is recognizable, but is still expendable to Food Network.  If she surprises and goes far, no harm. But if she gets cut early, no harm either.  Plus, she's too Zen to make good TV.  Projected Finish - 7th
• Alex Guarnaschelli - Apparently she is a brilliant chef, since she is the executive chef at Butter - a big shot restaurant in NYC.  But her resume is filled with judging roles on Food Network.  She now has her own show, Alex's Day Out.  But she is primarily a judge.  (This allows her to sit behind a desk.  I've noticed how Food Network only shoots her from mid-torso up as much a possible.  I think she's self-conscious about her figure.  I watch too much tv.)  After watching the first episode, where she was paired with Falkner and looked like the weaker link, I am not sure how far she can go in this.  But she is a TERRIFIC tv personality and food describing type person.  Basically, she's a great judge.  I don't think she can make it as an Iron Chef.  But she can't get eliminated too early without hurting her judging status.  Projected Finish - 6th
• Chuck Hughes - Who?  Yeah, exactly.  He's big up in Canada, tho, ya hoser.  He has a show on The Cooking Channel - which is Food Network's poorer and less important sister channel.  (Like Pippa Middleton, only with less body.  Haha.)  He seems talented.  But I have a term for competitors like this: Cannon Fodder.  You have to have people on the show that can get eliminated first.  Projected Finish - 9th
• Robert Irvine - The big dog.  He is everywhere on Food Network and is bulletproof.  He padded his resume and didn't fired.  He took a break and got promoted.  Plus, his entire resume on television is competition shows - and ones having to pull ideas out of his rear, at that.  Dinner Impossible alone means he HAS to be a favorite on this show.  Plus, you can easily see him as an Iron Chef.  And he hates to lose.  He is a Top Three finisher for sure.  I think he'll be one of the final two - and should win, except for my Dark Horse.  Projected Finish - 2nd (but I won't be surprised if he wins).
• Beau MacMillan - I have no idea where this guy came from.  He was the first co-host of Worst Cooks in America.  But he was abrasive and annoying and had a terrible camera presence - seeming to be winded all the time.  He has a Boston accent, but has worked in Scottsdale, Arizone his whole professional life.  He's the prototypical example of a lummox.  In the Celebrity Chopped competition, he was the first one out.  He seems to be overmatched in the competition.  And, in the first episode, he was kind of dragged along by his partner.  I can't imagine him going far in this competition.  Projected Finish - 8th
• Spike Mendelsohn - He has no experience on Food Network at all, with the exception of competing on Iron Chef America last year.  He is a Top Chef guy.  He won it one year and is one of its celebrated alums.  He's extremely cocky.  And he looks like James Franco with a beard, which makes him even more annoying.  Two words: Cannon Fodder.  I said this before the show started.  I said this when they got down to the bottom two.  And I was proved right when he was the first eliminated contestant, even though there were NO COMPLAINTS ABOUT HIS DISH, even though the other guy had several problems with his.  Projected (Actual) Finish: 10th
• Marcus Samuelsson - Apparently this guy is a genius in the food world.  The first time I saw him, he popped up as a judge on an episode of Next Food Network Star.  He was at a table with a bunch of other food experts and was labeled as "Marcus Samuelsson, Scandinavian Food Expert."  I had no idea how this dark skinned guy was a Scandinavian food expert, or if there even was such a thing.  He savaged the contestants' meals on that show - and was dead on with his criticism.  Now he's a judge on Chopped.  I didn't realized he won Top Chef Masters, since I don't watch that show.  He was in the bottom two last night, but I think that is an anomaly - at least for a few weeks.  Remember, someone has to lose and all Food Network needs to do with him is keep his judging credibility intact.  Projected Finish: 4th
• Geoffrey Zakarian - He is like the godfather of Chopped judges.  He also has been on 24 Hour Restaurant Battle.  I never had heard of this guy until I saw him as a judge.  He's the oldest competitor and is extremely well spoken, intelligent, and a brilliant judge.  Then he competed in Celebrity Chopped and all the other chefs were terrified of him.  Apparently his genius is well known in restaurant circles.  He came in second in his Chopped battle, but easily could have won.  Then last night, that same fear was in everyone's eyes with him.  He won the first round - PAIRED WITH BEAU MACMILLAN, which is like winning a sprint while having a corpse tied to your ankle.  I could be totally wrong, but I have this feeling.  He's like Ming Tsai last year, where his insane talent will keep him going.  His off weeks will probably be better than most of the others' good weeks.  He'll easily survive the Cannon Fodder weeks, be consistently better in the middle tough eliminations, and then end up in the Top Three.  He could easily disrupt the expected Irvine/Burrell showdown.  He is my Dark Horse candidate.  I think it is going to come down to Zakarian and Irvine in the final round.  If Irvine can bring his Dinner Impossible sous chefs George and David, it will be tough.  But I think Zakarian can take it - or he'll come in second to Irvine.  Projected Finish: 1st

The NEXT Iron Chef

I have some other posts simmering in the old blogsophere.  But I figured I would punch this one first while it was fresh in my mind.  Last night was the season premiere of one my favorite shows - Food Network's The Next Iron Chef.  This is the third season of the show and it is always exciting and entertaining.  They make these guys do the craziest stuff to try to win this thing.  Just an example.  Last night began with them having to make a sandwich that showed ingenuity in just thirty minutes.  Then for the elimination challenge they were send to a beach.  They were given a Little Green Egg grill to cook on - and that's it.  It wasn't even lit for them.  They had been asked what ingredient they would want on a deserted island.  Whatever they answered they were given as their main ingredient.  The only supplemental things they had were "tropical island ingredients" - shrimp, clams, coconuts, pineapple, stuff like that.  Some people had said suckling pig and turkey, so they were given that.  And then they had an hour to prepare a dinner.  Yeah, ridiculous stuff.

Anyway, last night was a longer episode, so we got to meet the competitors.  As they are panning around, one guy looks familiar.  I blurt out, "Is that Ming Tsai?"  Heather was like, "What?  Who's that?"  I explained that he is a really well known chef and has had his own TV show.  It pops up that he had hosted East Meets West.  She recognized that.  I was kind of flabbergasted.  Why in the world would they put Ming Tsai on a show trying to basically find a new celebrity chef.

This show is a huge deal for the competitors.  The winner gets to be on Iron Chef America.  But even the other guys who do well end up being used by Food Network, The Cooking Channel, or other cable channels for other shows.  In the first season, Michael Symon won and has had multiple shows.  But several other guys are in heavy rotation on Food Network (John Besh, Chris Consentino)  One of them - Aaron Sanchez - has been on at least four different shows.  Plus he just landed a big endorsement deal with a Latin American food company.

Last year they kind of put a ringer in there when Amanda Freitag competed after being a judge on multiple Food Network shows.  But her fame was from judging more than cooking - so in that she was on pretty level ground.  And it isn't like Jimmy Johnson or some past winner returning to Survivor where the clan can vote them out right away.  This is completely different.  Ming Tsai is not some random guy.  He one of the more famous chefs around.  He has been on Food Network for almost a decade.  He won a freaking Emmy for his show.  As the contestants were being introduced, the graphics would show an award they won - to give them legitimacy.  Several of them were James Beard award winners, which is one of the biggest awards for chefs out there.  They showed whatever for Tsai, and when he was introducing himself in his little bio, he just tossed out there, "I have an Emmy, I've won the James Beard Award."  He's won so much stuff that it was a throwaway line.  He could have been one of the original Iron Chefs and no one would have thought it strange.

The other contestants were equally incredulous.  On of them was like, "I looked over and saw Ming Tsai over there.  That's very intimidating."  I was wondering why in the world he would even compete in something like this.  It's almost as crazy as having Bobby Flay compete.  In his bio, he followed that earlier line with, "I know I can cook.  This for me to know if I can still really BRING it."  What?  He's only 46.  He's not 82 trying for a comeback.  This isn't George Foreman or Brett Favre trying to wing it with young kids half their age.  You don't lose your cooking chops as you get older.  It would be like Jean Paul Gaultier competing in Project Runway and saying, "I just wanted to see if I still knew how to make shirts."

Obviously, Tsai has the most to lose.  There is no excuse for him not winning.  Just like the other contestants, he has tons of restaurant experience.  But, he has a ton beyond that.  He already knows the pressures of the show, Iron Chef America, having been on it before.  In fact, he beat Bobby Flay in that show.  He's had his own show for years.  He's well respected.  And he can flat out cook.  You could tell the others were intimidated.  In the first challenge, they judged each other and one of them weakly pointed out that Tsai's sandwich had "too much bread."  Ming looked at him and took note.  When it came time to judge that guy's sandwich, Tsai stared the guy down and casually tossed out, "It had too much bread.  It was a 50/50 ratio of bread when it should have been 70/30 or so."  The camera cut to an interview with the guy afterwards.  "I should have seen that coming."  He destroyed the elimination challenge, acting like he cooked all of his meals on a Little Green Egg on the beach.  The only quibble the judges had was that his clam was "marginally overcooked."  Needless to say, he won that episode.  And one of the contestants said, "He's the veteran.  He should win."

It just strikes me as odd why they would have such an unlevel playing field for this version of the show.  Tsai's fame is already in the competitors' heads.  That last comment shows that - they expect to lose.  When you can have that effect on people by showing up, that is a HUGE advantage.  Tsai even said, "I know I can win this competition.  I want an undefeated record."  That shows that he isn't in this just to feel good about himself.  He wants to come in like Michael Jordan in a rec league basketball game and destroy everyone.  Some of the others seem more than ready to let him.  I'm looking to see which of them is willing to actually battle the giant.  That will make for some great television.