Well, I have pretty much disappeared since the Oscars. Sorry about that - for those people whose very existence depends on my blog (poor pathetic souls). Things have been so crazy around here that I couldn't bring myself to spend time posting. But that will be remedied RIGHT NOW!
It is fun having kids. Well at least some of the time - other times it makes you want to jump off a cliff into a pile of bayonet bushes. As most of you know, I have a five year old son and a three year old daughter. They act like they are twins. Many people ask us that - since they are similar in height and they play together all the time. Sometimes, the playing gets too rough or intense, and then we have to hear an exchange similar to this:
Heather and I are sitting in the computer room. We hear a video in the living room, and the kids playing. Suddenly we hear...
WHACK! AAAAAGHHH! (running steps)
BOY CHILD: Mommy, Nat hit me.
MOMMY: Nat! Come in here!
DADDY: Joey, why did Nat hit you? Were you messing with her?
BOY CHILD: (as innocent as a dove) No, I was just sitting there and she hit me.
MOMMY: Nat! Get in here! Now!
GIRL CHILD: Yes, Mommy.
MOMMY: Nat, did you hit your brother?
GIRL CHILD: (as sweet as candy) No.
DADDY: Nat, Joey said you hit him. Did you hit him?
GIRL CHILD: (sweet as honey coated candy) No, Mommy. I didn't. He was mean to me.
BOY CHILD: (innocent and offended at the accusation) She's lying. She hit me. I wasn't doing anything.
Mommy takes Girl Child and begins to interrogate her, finally forcing a confession. Daddy takes Boy Child and grills him, finding out that he was standing in front of the television and sticking his hands in her face - which led to the wallop.
This same scene plays out all the time - sometimes numerous times a day. Boy antagonizes girl. Girl gets irritated. Girls punches boy. Boy starts crying. Boy runs and tells parent. Girl denies entire thing. So today, we actually had this whole thing happen several times. Then we went to Publix to get food for dinner and stuff. The kids are sitting together in one of the fancy pants carts they have for kids, eating their free cookies. They are all excited because we are going to have a picnic for dinner in the living room. Boy Child is getting all hyper and starts messing with Girl Chld. He is being annoying, waving his hands in front of her face. I'm watching this whole thing occur while standing next to the canned fruits. I'm about to stop break away from the Oregon blueberries and correct the Boy Child. Suddenly, WHAP.
Girl Child has just calmly looked over at Boy Child, decided she had enough of that junk, and flat out backhand punched him in the chest. His first response is shock, followed by rubbing the spot, and then he looks back at us and starts to go into "rat mode." Now, I know I should be all over Girl Child's back for slugging Boy Child. But I have watched the entire thing, and for the first time actually observed the annoyance take place. So I tell her, "Don't hit your brother." And I tell him, "Don't be annoying to your sister." Then I look at Heather and start laughing.
I've wanted girls my whole life, but I also wanted them to be tough enough to be able to stand up for themselves. So there actually was a kind of pride that my girl punched her brother. Heather was convinced that I was gaining too much pleasure from the whole thing. I'm sure she was right. Well, a few aisles over, on the hair care aisle, the Boy Child was getting worked up again. He was messing with Girl Child, getting in her face, waving his hands around. I looked at him, and in a moment of parental wisdom said, "If you don't knock it off, your sister is going to hit you again. And I'm not going to stop her."
Heather looked at me again and shook her head. "You're bad." I was thinking, hey this could work. Boy Child kept on being a turkey, I warned him again. About a minute later, BAM. Girl Child hit him in the face. He looked at me and I said, "Told you." I know, I'm horrible. Know what? He sat very still and behaved the rest of the time in the store, and so did she. Maybe they just needed to work it out on their own. All I know, is that I can't wait until she turns into a teenager and some idiot boy tries to be a punk. She'll calmly look over at him, and WHAM!