Can't Figure

There are some things that I cannot figure out. I try and I try, but I just can't do it. Here are just a few.

1. Why does Subway ration napkins like they are a 1980s Soviet bread line? Yet they have their cups just sitting there in front of the register for you to take on the honor system. Are the napkins that valuable? I can honestly say, they are the ONLY fast food place to ration napkins. I go to Taco Bell and order one taco and get 10 hot sauce packets and enough napkins to paper my living room. Maybe Subway wants to control how many people see that nutritional information they have printed on them. I have no idea. Today, my daughter's PullUp (copyright Huggies Corporation of America - - this blog is in no way endorsed by Huggies or the Huggies brands) leaked. On the floor at Subway. I asked the Coldplay wannabe behind the counter for napkins to clean said weewee up. He gave me attitude. I can understand you only wanting to give me two napkins for my sub, but not wanting to hand them out to clean up urine? Geez.

2. Why do mainstream restaurants insist on creating bizarre menu items and then act stunned when they lose business? I can understand if Emeril or Bobby Flay come up with some bizarre, off the wall recipe. That is like an artist going through their abstract phase. ("I call it Visualize Whirled Peas." "But Emeril, there are no peas in it. It's just garlic and essence." "Yes, you must visualize the peas.") But there is no excuse for TGI Fridays to start tossing around freaky menu items. They are TGI Fridays! You should visit their website. Sicilian Quesadillas? Fried Green Beans? What? Like frying a green bean is going to get anyone to order it. The people who would ordinarily order green beans as an item are not the type who want them fried. The people who need everything fried (me) still wouldn't go near them. Especially with a "cool" wasabi dip. How do you make wasabi cool? I thought its entire selling point was it would burn your tongue out.

3. Why does anyone act shocked when a track and field star tests positive for steroids? I'm at the point where I'm stunned when a record stands. Same with cycling.

4. Why did everyone think it was such a big deal when Katie Couric took over the CBS Evening News? Could there be a less relevant television move? Yes, it disrupted the morning show horizon. But, honestly, how many people watch the evening national news any more? I haven't watched it in years. That's what the internet is for, right? By the time 6:30 rolls around, I have already seen the Breaking News email alert, read the story, read the story revisions, read several commentaries on the story, and moved on.

5. Why is it that we think celebrities are such a "big deal?" Why should we care what Tom and Katie's alleged child looks like? Why should we care if Lindsay Lohan is engaged? Why should we care who Kate Hudson is dating? Why should we care if Brad ever marries Angelina? Yet there is an entire industry based on the fact we do care. I don't care that much about people who work with me, but I will check a website several times to see if the Federlines had their second kid. Well, not me, other people.

6. Why is it in cartoons now, parents are slowly being eliminated? Having two little kids, I see a TON of cartoons. And I have gotten disturbed by the number that do not have parental figures. It used to be that there were nannies or parents, but they would leave the scene and fun things would happen. But now, they don't exist. Max and Ruby are two bunnies - ages 9 and 4 maybe - who just go on their merry way without any supervision. There are adults on the show - and they have a grandmother who shows up from time to time. But they cook, go to bed, play, go shopping all by themselves. Little Einsteins is even worse. The kids there have a rocket and go all over the world and the galaxy alone. We never even see an adult in that show. You could say the same thing about Charlie and Lola, Backyardigans, Lazy Town, Clifford, and Dragon Tales. Yes, there are shows with parents (Higglytown Heroes, JoJo's Circus, Little Bear, Franklin). But more and more are just completely cutting out adults. Strawberry Shortcake is the worst. There are these kids everywhere who live completely by themselves, run heavy machinery, use the oven, go traveling. What is that teaching our kids? No really, I'm not sure. I feel hypersensitive - but there is a nagging feeling there.

Those are some of the things I can't figure out. I'm sure I'll give more later. Check back next week. I will have some thoughts on the 9/11 anniversary.