Paris was an expert at that retro-R&B stuff. Chris was really a hard rocker. Elliot was a very smooth crooning R&B artist. Kat is also a crooner. Taylor is the soulful one. Of those five, which one is really in touch with modern music? Katharine is the closest. I think Elliot could have been wedged in because he was so talented. If I was Clive Davis, I would be terrified that Taylor will win. “I have to pay this guy a million dollars? To make Doobie Brothers albums?” Anyway, the show is starting. Everyone is screaming. Ryan is looking fly. Let’s get it on.
8:05pm – Ryan Seacrest: “And here is the person who will have the best career of anyone here tonight – Chris Daughtery!” So he could have won and gotten stuck singing “Moment Like This,” or been given an open invite to head up Fuel. Good choice, my friend.
8:07pm – Katharine sings the song that she sang while writhing around on her knees the first time. If this is going to be a “best of” show, we’re in for a looong night. For the first few weeks, Entertainment Weekly kept commenting on how Katharine McPhee dressed down her beauty. And they were right – except she was dressing very modestly. Kellie Pickler was the “sex symbol” for the first half the season. Well, when Pickler pickled out, all the sudden McPhee started to dress more provocatively – which she has continued doing. Tonight, it is a mesh shirt and bra. Good job McPhee – keep them standards high my friend.
8:11pm – The first uncalled for booing of Simon.
8:13pm – Uh, what the heck is going on with Taylor’s jacket? Seriously, purple velvet?
8:15pm – La, la, la, la la la. I hate it when contestants pick songs with little or no lyrics. That just becomes an opportunity for them to scream without having to put themselves into the song.
8:16pm – What is the deal with Taylor making it his own? That just means that he sings every song like Michael McDonald. Paula then begins her ritual spaz attack. And Simon tells the absolute truth. “What do I know?” That’s the problem with this show. The only person who KNOWS what he’s talking about is Simon. And he gets booed. We’re taking advice from Paula “Cold Hearted Snake” Abdul and Randy “I Played with Journey” Jackson? Are they just going to sing retreads this week? Come on, people.
8:23pm – Kat with “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” This girl sings better sitting down. That is kind of weird. Her best performances have all been that way. Ryan said this was the song that stunned the judges. Huh? I thought that was Ace’s Queen song.
8:25pm – Did she forget the words? That’s like three weeks in a row. How can a person forget the words and still be in this competition? I may be an insensitive punk, but her dad crying was touching a few weeks back. But now it is just blatant manipulation. Right before the camera swings there, someone jabs him in the eyeball with a pin. Hmmm, I’m not crying right now. Paula is wrong – aaaaagaaain. I’m heartless.
8:27pm – She’s funny. I do like McPhee. Don’t get me wrong. She’s goofy. I just am bitter that Chris and Elliot are watching this instead of destroying these two. Taylor’s favorite song is coming up. My guess is that it is one where he can flail around like Mel Gibson getting electroshock in Lethal Weapon.
8:32pm – What? That first line sounded like some guy mumbling my order in a speaker. If I remember, this was not one of the seizure imitating songs by Mister Hicks. I guess you can put me in the same category as Simon – What do I know?
8:34pm – He has a good voice, but am I the only person that can’t get over the fact that he sounds like Michael “Doobie Brothers” McDonald? Is he destined to sing theme songs for telephone companies forever? Did Paula really just say that “what you consider pitchy is the essence of who Taylor is?” Good night, she is the more stupid person I’ve ever met – uh – via television. Oh, Bucky, I take that back.
8:40pm – Fox promo: “The search is on for America’s best dancer.” What happened? Is Savion Glover missing or something? Is this another reality show, or is it another procedural drama? CSI: Dancefloor.
8:41pm – Katharine’s first single, “My Destiny.” They should have had Darth Vader announce that. Aren’t they licensed by the same companies? Tears. This song is nice, but it still isn’t that big breakthrough song. Is this season really going to end without any of these singers just absolutely knocking it out of the park? Was that shot of her mom covering her mouth because she mangled that note so badly?
8:45pm – This is the best part. The judges can’t rip the song because it is going to get released. Randy just called the song average. They are going to destroy the ratings for that piece of trash. HA HA HA. How can you trash that girl because the producers made her sing that song? What a hoot. That’s funny. It would be a riot if they did what they did in years past and made Taylor sing that song too. I bet he would get halfway through, and just flip out.
8:52pm – Taylor’s final song: “Do I Make You Proud?” Let’s hope so. He was pretty good – very restrained. I think that Idol is contractually obligated to include a gospel choir in the final show. Remember Clay and Ruben – both dressed in white suits with the big ole choir? That was funny.
8:54pm – Which judge will say he made them proud? Who will it be? Hmmm. None of them. I am shocked – just shocked. Now they trashed both songs. That is pretty funny. I agree with Simon that Taylor should win the competition. He was the best tonight. If he doesn’t win, it will be because he doesn’t look as good in a dress. Well, I can’t really say that since I’ve never seen him in one. That would be funny. Hee hee.
8:57pm – Ah, the recap. It is really impossible to judge who wins based on those clips.
8:59pm – Nice twist. Daniel Powter live to finish the show. You know that at some point his agent told him that Idol wanted to use his song and he crunched up his face and got all uppity about it. Then about four weeks into the show he realized they were going to play it every single week when the show ended and he started to realize that maybe it was a good plan after all. Then he watched that little song skyrocket up the charts and up the iTunes download chart, and he probably just started laughing. So when all his legitimate musician friends come by to mock him, he just smiles at him, shakes his head, and gets into one of his four Benzes and drives away.
Well that’s that. I was not overly impressed. The finale was like the whole season – solid but not spectacular. I think Taylor should win, but you can never underestimate the power of middle school boys. So we’ll have to see tomorrow. I of course will see tomorrow via tape delay. I will be busy watching Lost. So, until next time, do I make you proud? If so, it is my destiny.