Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives 2010

What a difference a year makes ...

Last year, we had just moved to Tallahassee and we were discovering all the new culinary options that the state capital had to offer.  We were pleasantly surprised to find that there actually were several great places that helped us to forget the loss of our beloved Orlando.  There were more independent restaurants and less dependence on chain establishments.  So, I put together a little review of the places Tallahassee had to offer and my favorites.

Well, now we have had more time to experiment and see if my initial thoughts were correct.  The biggest thing, though, happened in January of this year when I completely revamped my approach to food.  (Painstakingly documented on THIS BLOG.)  That has caused us to completely revisit our evaluations.  Places we used to visit frequently have been tossed aside.  And we have learned to embrace other places.  We now value restaurants that offer healthier food and ones with flexibility - where both the kids and the restricted Daddy can be happy.  I thought about it and decided it was time to put out a new list.  You know, for the two people in Tallahassee that actually read this blog.

First, I am going to take a peek at the places I mentioned last year, to see how they are holding up.

• 1 Fresh Stir Fry - I would say that 1 Fresh was the MVP of 2009 for the Staples Family.  We all loved it.  People who visited us from out of time loved it.  It was our go to choice.  However, all that changed in 2010.  First of all, it was hard to get food there without starch - which is something that I needed.  Second, I started making meals at home for lunch.  They were shockingly like 1 Fresh bowls.  And I began to realize I wasn't too thrilled with paying 9 bucks for what I was creating at home with leftovers.  The third strike came when another restaurant came into town.  But I don't want to spoil that.  2009 Rating: 10 of 10.  2010 Rating: 6 of 10
• La Fiesta -  I can honestly say that we have not been back to La Fiesta in at LEAST ten months.  I'm not sure what killed it, but I think it was the discovery of a bunch of other Mexican places.  There are several that are at least as good, usually with better kids meal deals.  2009 Rating: 9 of 10.  2010 Rating: 4 of 10
• Barnaby's Pizza - Now here's a pickle.  I don't eat pizza any more.  So none of the pizza places really rank well with me.  I kind of need to know what else there is at the place.  Barnaby's loses some points with me because it has a lousy menu besides pizza.  Their wings are not very good.  (When you are trumped by Domino's wings, you know you are not great.)  They have steak, but it is expensive.  However, when it comes to the kids and Heather, Barnaby's is still the best place in town.  2009 Rating: 10 of 10.  2010 Rating: 10 of 10.
• Helen's Silver Bullet Diner -  This place is closed down.  So, that solves the issue.  2009 Rating: 9 of 10.  2010 Rating: 0 of 10.
• Decent Pizza - We tried this place twice.  It was good.  But it was ridiculously expensive, especially if you wanted it delivered.  And, face it, you don't want to drive down Monroe to pick it up at dinner time.  So we never have gone back.  Combined with my rejection of pizza, this place is dead to us.  2009 Rating: 8 of 10.  2010 Rating: 1 of 10.
• Red Elephant Pizza Grill - This is the sole ranked place from last year that did not take a hit.  The biggest problem is their prices.  They are not a place we can go often.  However, their pizza is still a clone of Barnaby's.  And they gained points for their extensive menu that I can enjoy.  They have tomato bisque, great salads, and an amazing grilled chicken dish with balsamic glaze.  I actually would raise their score this year.  2009 Rating: 8 of 10.  2010 Rating: 9 of 10.

So that is the look back at 2009's stellar performers.  As you can tell, there is a big change in our view of places.  So, here is a look at the all stars for us in 2010.  

• Genghis Grill - MVP - Yes, it is a chain.  But this is the only location in Florida.  And it is so . . . dang . . . good.  I have always been a sucker for Mongolian BBQ places.  You know, the places with the giant volcanically hot flat grills.  Be it China Jade in Orlando, the late Stone Turtle in Tampa, or any of the Japanese steak house joints (plus Hu Hot, BD's, and others).  They are just fun and tasty.  The concept is you take a bowl, fill it with all the raw meats you want, put the seasoning you like on it, add the veggies you want, toss on an egg if you like, pick your sauce, pick your starch.  They cook it and put it in a different bowl and send it back to you.  What's not to like?  Every single person I know that has gone to Genghis has loved it.  Personally, I think it is the best one of these places I have been.  And it is perfect for my food needs.  The kids beg to go. It also single handedly killed our love for 1 Fresh - it does similar stuff but WAAAY better at the same price.  2010 Rating: 10 of 10
• Pepper's Mexican Grill - I mentioned this place last year as one of the places we hadn't tried yet. Well, we have tried it now.  Many times.  And it is the reason we have rejected La Fiesta.  They are good and pretty reasonable.  Plus, they have free kids meals on Tuesdays.  AND, when our kids' school sold their discount cards, Peppers was on there.  So we get free kids meals all the time now.  They have fish tacos, which Heather likes to order at Mexican places.  They also have nuggets and fries - a big deal for kids.  And their Fajitas Peppers is a great thing for me to eat now.  2010 Rating: 9 of 10
• Black Bean Cuban Cafe - Here is the extent of my knowledge of Cuban cuisine up to this point: cuban sandwiches suck.  I lived in Tampa for four years, and they had cuban sandwiches everywhere.  I hated them.  Pork, pickles, mustard - three things I hated beyond belief.  I guess I knew they had black beans and rice, too.  I wasn't impressed.  Well, the other day I was realizing I drove past this place about five times a week.  We had never been.  I finally looked it up on line and realized it was worth trying.  What we found was incredible.  They have a ton of pressed sandwiches, which I can't have.  But they also have tons of other things - many of them I can have.  Mojo chicken breasts, pulled pork, fried pork chunks (you have to try them - the description doesn't do them justice).  All meals come with black beans and rice or red beans and rice - AND plantains.  They also have these little deep fried potato covered meat balls that are just ridiculously good.  AND they have free kids meals ALL THE TIME.  Needless to say, it has become a favorite haunt.  2010 Rating: 10 of 10
• Piggy's BBQ - I am stunned that no BBQ places were on the 2009 list.  With how much BBQ I eat now, I have a hard time remembering when I didn't do that as much.  There are some good places here.  Dave's BBQ is very tasty - but pricey.  Jim and Milt's is cheap and good - but not great.  Piggy's is my favorite.  Their brisket is stellar.  The pulled pork is the best in town - and it has a peach vinegar sauce that comes with it.  Plus there are daily specials, sausage, and they have the best sweet potato casserole around.  Their kids meals are cheap (free on Saturday), and they come with ice cream.  All the meals come with a drink, which is a huge money drain at most places.  Over all, it is my choice for BBQ in Tally.  2010 Rating: 9 of 10
• Ichigo - The new food plan has led us to explore frozen yogurt places.  Fortunately, that is a booming industry right now.  We have tried several of the fro-yo joints in town.  Our favorite by far is Ichigo.  They are one of the self serve places where you can get as much, as many flavors, and whatever toppings you want.  They charge you by weight.  But their yogurt is creamier than other places.  Fusions is too icy.  Sunberry is too tart and too expensive -- even though you can't beat their 60 flavors.  And TCBY is too chain - they are like the McDonald's of frozen yogurt.  Ichigo is good stuff.  2010 Rating: 9 of 10
• Barnaby's Pizza - You have to rank a pizza place.  This is the best.  Since I don't eat it, I can't compare it to anyone else.  But I just go by the loudness of the cheers when I tell my kids I ordered it.  2010 Rating: 10 of 10
• Crispers - Again, I know it is a chain.  But it is just in Florida, from what I understand.  And it is the best of the soup/salad/sandwich chains out there.  I loved Bagelheads, a local place.  And I like the guy who owns it.  But, their other menu items are not extensive enough for me to rank them.  We haven't been there since December, which is a darn shame because they were great.  Crispers, though, has amazing soups.  I usually just get the soup trio - rotating between Italian chicken, butternut squash, black bean and sausage, and tomato bisque.  They used to have chili, and I am perplexed as to why they don't now.  Their rating is shaky, though.  If there were a full McAllister's or a Jason's Deli here, it would not be on this list.  2010 Rating: 8 of 10

That's the basic awards section.  As always, there are other places that could easily have been ranked.  I basically went by how often we went, how often we were satisfied by our visit, and how flexible they are.  If it is a place that doesn't have something for everyone (except for Barnaby's), it didn't get put on there.  The only other place I didn't list that should have been was Tijuana Flats.  We go there a lot.  Our school discount card gets us a free meal every visit - which makes for a cheap dinner.  But is a big chain.  And if you don't have that card, it can get expensive.  Next year, this post will be based on our apparent return to Orlando.  After two years, there will be all kinds of new places to try.  And with a new view of eating, it will honestly be like trying them for the first time.

Chicken about Chicken

A few months back, I wrote an absolutely amazing review of the different fast food Angus burgers.  The overwhelming popularity of that post (over 10 people read it) led to some very helpful comments.  One person told me that I should be a comedic food critic.  Another person said I had found my niche.  And another person helpfully suggested I should crawl back into whatever brain-dead hole I crawled out of.  I really had intended on continuing that series of reviews.  I had plans to evaluate the different spicy chicken sandwiches.  And then, come February, I was going to look at the inevitable string of fast food fish sandwiches that are trotted out for Lent.  (Seriously, everyone has one now.  McDonalds, BK, Wendy's, Arby's, Checkers)

Well, something strange happened along the way to those events.  I started really looking at my weight and food choices.  And in January, I began a process of completely changing how I eat and approach food.  [All of this is being documented on my other blog "Darth Fatso Must Die" - which gets tons more visitors than this blog, even though it is newer and untagged.]  So, I cannot offer you my pithy comments regarding the fish sandwiches out there.  Why?  Well, I don't eat sandwiches any more.  I haven't had any bread since January 18.  So I wouldn't be much help.

However, I am not quite ready to give up my "idiotic food critiques" just yet.  My new food path actually has brought me into a new group of evaluations.  So, I look forward to offering up some inane comments on things like chili, pulled pork, soup, and salads soon.  Today, I will begin with one of the most basic things out there.  Chicken.

Chicken is cheap.  It is easy.  You can buy an entire chicken at your local grocery store for just a couple of bucks.  It isn't hard to cook chicken.  Put it in a pan, stick it in the oven, cook it until it won't make you sick.  Sure, there are cool things you can do with chicken.  You can marinate it, which infuses it with flavors and keeps it juicy as you stave off the dreaded salmonella.  You can grill it, giving it that carcinogen tinged flavor on the outside as it struggles to finish on the inside.  You can cram a can of beer up its butt and cook it standing up - which has always seemed like a cruel way to treat the poor bird.  But, in the end, it is chicken.

How cheap and versatile is chicken?  There is an entire industry of restaurants that uses one of the most useless part of the bird - the wing - and sells them in giant bowls, swimming with butter and hot sauce.  We eat just about everything on a chicken.  I watch Food Network - and I've seen them use the feet, the gizzards, liver, heart, comb, eggs, and meat.  Shoot, we'll even cook the chicken bones to make soup.  Chicken is good for you.  It tastes great.  It is cheap.  On the whole, the chicken is super food resource.

So, why in the wide wide world of sports is it so hard to find chicken in a restaurant?

This is a serious question.  It is no wonder that people make just abysmally bad eating choices.  There just are not many good chicken options out there.  And, more often than not, when you happen to see "grilled chicken" on a menu, it is some industrial food service prepared chicken breast that gets cooked into dryness.  It is pumped full of salt and "broth" to give it flavor and juice.  It is coated with weird seasoning facial cream.  It is usually a small piece of meat.  And, to add insult to injury, it costs way more than it should.  I just don't understand.

How hard would it be for a restaurant to make sure they had a couple of chicken options on their menu? If they have a grill to do their burgers or whatever, they could just toss the chicken on there.  If they have an oven to bake things, they can toss the chicken in there.  But it just becomes too much effort.  Modern restaurants have this things where everything they order has to be multi-tasked into multiple menu items. They follow the Alton Brown approach to the kitchen - no single use food items.  This is best highlighted by a conversation I had with a waiter at Chili's a few years ago.  I was shocked to see they had dropped fried cheese sticks off their menu.  Chili's always had one of the best cheese sticks you could get.  They were in my Top Five - a place I always ordered them.  I asked why they dropped them. The guy answered that Chili's had made a corporate decision to only stock items in the kitchen that could be used in multiple menu items - so they got rid of them.  (Although they kept Southwestern Egg Rolls.  Kind of weird.)

So, a lot of these restaurants are not going to stock chicken to offer as a meal item.  It isn't exciting.  And it can't be used multiple ways.  I always think, "Well, you can use it as the meat in an entree, as a topping on a salad, and as a sandwich.  That's THREE menu items."  But, they don't really care what I think.  Do an experiment.  Check your local Italian places.  How many of them have anything that involves chicken?  I would wager that 75% of the time, they won't have anything.  They will have wings.  Sometimes they will have a salad with chicken (usually precooked and dumped on).  But they won't have chicken dishes.  Really odd.  I mean, the Olive Garden - which we know is THE authority on authentic Italian food - has a ton of chicken dishes.  So does Carrabba's - the other genuine Italian place. (I am being completely sarcastic about both of those - just to clarify.)

This kind of lays out our chicken dilemma.  Each class of restaurants has a different approach to chicken.  And it seems like none of them benefit us.  Fast food places, the cheapest and most accessible restaurants, seem to have grilled chicken dishes.  But, as a rule of thumb, they are horrible.  Their fried chicken patties are vastly superior - but their grilled chicken items are lousy.  I would hate to see the chickens these things came from.  McDonalds, which has two different fried chicken offerings, has a pathetic grilled chicken patty.  It is better than BK.  The King has a huge tendercrisp fried chicken.  But their Tendergrill is coated with weirdness.  (A disturbing trend among these places that is usually missed because the coating soaks into the bread.  It only stands out on the salad.)  Wendy's - who has nuggets, boneless wings, a great fried chicken patty, and tons of salads - has a measly grilled chicken that, again, has that weird salty bouillon coating on it.  Arby's doesn't even have grilled chicken.  It has amazing fried chicken sandwiches, but if you don't want that you are stuck with sliced roasted chicken deli meat.  Checkers doesn't even bother with the masquerade of caring.  I don't believe Hardee's does either.

What's really disappointing is the chicken places out there.  KFC has this highly touted grilled chicken now.  It supposedly is amazing.  Uh, no.  It is horrible.  It is dry and salty  - like a chicken jerky.  Seriously, it takes like it was dehydrated.  The breast pieces are so small - I think they actually came off of a pigeon.  Popeye's, my favorite chicken place, doesn't even have grilled chicken.  That's really too bad, because they would probably do a great job.  Chick Fil A - the king of chicken places - has grilled chicken.  And, admittedly, it is far superior to most places.  But you need one and half servings of it to make a legitimate meal.  Subway's roasted chicken, when taken off the bun and eaten independent of cheese and other goodies, is absolutely horrible.  It is bland and full of water.  I ordered double meat one day and was starving within an hour.

The next class of restaurant - the "family dining establishment" - has a very checkered list of options.  Most of these places have at least one chicken dish, but it usually is smothered with bbq sauce or cheese or bacon or some glorious combination of all of that.  That is one thing I have learned.  If you make inadequate chicken, drown it with accessories.  These places sometimes will have a more simple chicken meal - like Applebee's on their Weight Watchers menu or Chili's on their Guiltless Gutless lineup.  But, as memory serves, those offerings are some combination of dry or salty or bland or tiny.  Sometimes you manage to actually get a piece that is dry, bland, and salty.  How is that possible?  Italian places usually fall into this category, and as we discussed, many of them have absolutely nothing to offer.  Now, there is also the plentiful offerings of wings at these places.  They all seem to have some variation of buffalo wings.  But, as I discussed the other day on Darth Fatso, wings are almost always fried and smothered in some sort of sauce.  So that isn't real chicken, it is just a conduit for fat.

[One exception to this class is the meat place - BBQ, Boston Market, stuff like that.  They have chicken. It is often good.  But it is almost always on the bone.  I hate eating chicken off the bone.  But, when I have to, I make do.]

You have to jump into the more expensive restaurants before you find a more consistent approach to chicken.  Olive Garden, which is the most overpriced restaurant on the planet, actually had tremendous chicken.  It is always flavorful and well cooked.  Carrabba's has even better chicken.  I wish I knew how to make my chicken taste like theirs.  It doesn't matter what sauce or pasta comes with it - their chicken is just phenomenal.  Steakhouses usually have amazing chicken.  In fact, as a rule of thumb, I have always preferred ordering chicken or fish at a steak place.  Long Horn has the usual "chicken covered with stuff I can't eat" dish.  But they also have Sierra Chicken, which is grilled with bruschetta style tomatoes on top.  It is amazing.  Ted's Montana Grill has multiple chicken options that are wonderful - but I never order them because I can't pass up bison.  Outback's chicken is just their steaks - good, overpriced, and nowhere near deserving the hype.  If you want to go big time, I remember ordering chicken at Morton's Steakhouse before.  (Don't ask.  It wasn't my finest moment.)  It was unbelievable - although it cost like twenty bucks.

I still don't understand why it is so hard for places to do chicken well.  There are very few places that I would say make really good non-fried chicken.  In Tallahassee, the Red Elephant Grill makes some delicious bird.  You can pick one of four different sauces for it - which they don't drown the meat in.  It is succulent and well cooked.  I remember that Grady's American Grill had the consistently best chicken I ever ordered.  We used to eat there in Tampa (Brandon, actually) all the time.  It didn't matter which variation of chicken, either.  Their secret was the marinade.  I wish I had been able to score that marinade before the chain died.  Mimi's Cafe does some great stuff with chicken also.  And they give you huge portions of it.  But, for the most part, if you want good chicken at a restaurant, you have to pay a premium for it.  That just seems backwards.  If this is such a cheap and versatile commodity, I would think places would easily master it.  You know, how so many places have good burgers?  Why couldn't they also have good chicken, instead of relying on Sysco brand bird meat?

Over the last year, I have become a master of chicken.  I can make it several different ways, with several different tastes, using several different techniques.  Usually, I pan sear it and then cover the lid to steam it as well.  It keep it very juicy, but allows for a lot of flexibility with the spices.  I recently learned how to use a grill pan with it.  I put it on there to give it grilled flavors, and then throw the whole pan in the oven to finish it.  Sometimes, I'll marinate it first.  Sometimes I'll dry season it.  Sometimes we'll use the crock pot or even oven cook it.  (How quaint.)  I guess that actually kind of best communicates the lesson I've learned about food through my recent experiences.  You can usually make the stuff better, cheaper, and easier than a restaurant.  So, do it yourself.

Flavor Enhancing

I am aware that many of you know that I attended the U2 concert in Tampa on Friday. And you probably are thinking that I am going to talk about that in this post. And while I promise I will do that soon - I am reserving that for something special. (Just keep your eyes open on ye olde blogge.) Instead, I am going to talk about something even more important that I did on Friday.

I ate a bat.

Well, in the interest of complete honesty, I didn't eat the entire bat. i only ate a forkful. But people at my table consumed an entire bat. Mostly it was Greg. But my sister, nephew, and even my mom scarfed some down. Now before you go and start wondering if there are strange practices afoot at Hacienda Staples de Lutz, let me explain that the bat was eaten at Hot Rod's BBQ and Grill in Lutz, FL. I am attaching a handy link, in case any of you fine readers are interested in visiting that establishment.

As I talked about in my Nobel Prize winning post on restaurants, I like to try new places. One of the joys of traveling is eating at different restaurants you can't find back home. And I also am a big fan of the whole "support your local business owner" mindset. The local owner is what gives an city or town its personality. Any city can throw up a McDonald's or Subway. That is what makes so many drives seem like there is just a movie loop running out the window. Walgreens, CVS, McDonald's, Exxon, Burger King, Subway, Walmart, Publix, SunTrust Bank, repeat. We all know exactly what you are going to get at places like that - which is part of the reason they became so popular. And it definitely is the reason they became so boring.

Local places bring depth of personality and regional taste. It is fun to find a new place and try it. Sometimes you meet the owner. You get to experience something unique and new. You can walk into a Sonny's BBQ and order a boring and predictable sliced pork dinner. OR, you can find a place like Hot Rod's and find grilled bat. I am teaching my good buddy Greg this approach to food. For much of our friendship, he sticks to the same things. And that's fine - that is the way some people operate. But when he is with me, he is forced to think outside of that mindset. Sure, it is to make me happy - and maybe because he's afraid I'll jam my finger into his sandwich. Today, though, I think he had enjoyed our weekend of food exploration.

Thursday, we drove down to Orlando after Greg got off work. We grabbed dinner at 1 Fresh Stir Fry - a local Tallahassee company that I documented in that aforementioned Pulitzer Prize winning post. It was as awesome as I had hoped - actually better than usual. 1 Fresh had been gaining extra points since I tried their peanut sauce a couple of weeks ago. We both definitely gave our bacon cheese burger rice bowls two grunts up.

On Friday, a free breakfast buffet came with our hotel stay. I used to be a guy who could put a real hurting on a breakfast buffet. The Shoney's in Tampa used to fear me and my friends as we drove in. Since I developed my egg allergy, though, breakfast is not a huge deal. I usually just eat something so I don't feel sick later on. [Side Note: If you are going down to Disney or Orlando and looking for a hotel, try the Comfort Inn on Park Parkway in Lake Buena Vista. It is right outside of Downtown Disney and costs $29 a night on their fall promo - $39 with two adult breakfasts. You can definitely do worse.] Anyway, the buffet was what I have come to expect from most of this sort of place. Pan of bacon, pan of sausage, pan of lame pancakes, cereal, blah blah blah. It is really a picture of what is wrong with mass produced food places - and national chain restaurants. Boring, predictable, serviceable, unmemorable food.

For lunch, we were driving between Maitland and Oviedo and decided to stop in at Famous Uncle Al's Hot Dogs in Winter Springs. Now, this was not a new discovery. It was one of our favorite places when we lived in Orlando. It has awesome food and it is very reasonable for what you are getting. We sat at the counter. Greg got a jumbo beef dog with cheese and fries. I had a cheesesteak and mozz sticks. The food took like five minutes to come out. We were completely in and out in less than 30 minutes. Greg's food cost like $6. (Mine was a little more due to the appetizer.) I noticed they had changed the bread on the sub, so I asked the lady at the counter about it. She explained their thought process and asked what I thought. The grill chef asked where my kids were, since we usually went with them. I explained we had moved. You don't find that at most places - the personal touch. The waitresses there always remembered our drink orders. The grill chefs recognized me. That is an awesome feeling - and adds even more points to a restaurant.

For dinner, we would be in Tampa. I had heard about Hot Rod's BBQ and Grill a few months ago when my sister sent me a web article about the place. I found a coupon for the place on Restaurant.com and we were set. We had reviewed the crazy menu online and seemed ready. (I know it was a bold choice for right before the U2 concert, but it paid off.) The restaurant is a small building that is made to look more like a run down shack than it is - kind of feels like it belongs in a Louisiana swamp or the Everglades. My mom and Greg ordered the turkey leg. My sister and I both got the pulled pork. And, of course, there was the bat that Greg ordered. Yes, they have farm raised fruit bat on the menu. How can you pass that up? They raise the bats right there. It is one of their gimmick dishes - along with the 15 pound cheeseburger and the 1 ½ pound cheeseburger. (I really wanted a cheeseburger. But my query of "Do you have any normal sized burgers?" was met with laughter. And a quick "No.") So how was it? The pulled pork was absolutely amazing, with a delicious vinegar sauce - as it should be. The turkey legs looked like they actually were from a pterodactyl. The sweet potatoes were enormous. Everything was really really REALLY good. And the bat? Well, it tasted like chicken. No, seriously, it had a mix of ham and dark meat poultry flavor to it. It was good - really good actually. But I wouldn't order it, especially with that dang yummy pork.

So after the incredible concert, we left this morning. Around lunch time we were in Homosassa. We started looking for a local place, to keep our winning streak going. I saw a promising joint on the right - Sub Station. It was kind of strange. Sub Station would seem to be a sub place, but it advertised tons of pizza options. Either way, win win. We went inside and their menu was even more extensive. Fried chicken. Pizza. Calzones. Subs. BBQ. I was having trouble deciding. The owner asked what we wanted and I did the smart thing. "What is your best stuff?" He suggested the pizza, the cheesesteak, and the BBQ - "we make it out in the back." Well, now. That changes everything. I'm always nervous about getting BBQ at a sub place (or a pizza place) because I don't want to just get stuff out of a tub. So I ordered a pork sandwich. Greg got the cheesesteak. And we also got a couple slices of pizza - you know, just to try it all. Man o man. The 12" steak sub was only $6.99. And it was amazing. The pizza was really well done New York style with a light crispy crust. But it wasn't greasy or anything. And the BBQ pork was actually pressed on a Cuban roll - which was just an added twist that made the sandwich even better. Top it all off with really fresh crispy fries and spicy sweet baked beans. Again, the owner and staff treated the customers right. The owner personally walked a pizza out to a group of older people - who were stunned at the size of a Medium pizza. "The large one we have to put on a different table," the owner quipped. It was so good I wanted to find a way to make it back to Homosassa.

So, in addition to the fun I had speaking at ICS and rocking with U2, I also got to have some great local food. Stuff like that makes a trip or vacation go from "really good" to "incredible." Think about it. When you are off on a trip somewhere and you discover a great restaurant, that becomes part of the memory - part of the story. So when you talk about that vacation, you include that small detail as well. It is a flavor enhancer. It adds flavor to your time together and provides a platform for a memory. It makes your story even better. It makes the memory stronger. So next time you are out on the road, try a local place. It may become a great memory - at the worst you helped out some small business owner who can use the help. Either way, it is a tasty way to jazz up your trip. And remember to try the bat.

What the Heck is Wrong with Pizza Hut

I remember when I was younger. My mom cooked at home all the time - and she made some really incredible stuff. But there was one food that she never was satisfied with. She never liked her own pizza. None of us had any problems with her pizza. Pizza night was a huge success as far as we were concerned. Our friends loved pizza night. And reheated pizza was awesome too. But my mom NEVER liked her own pizza. She wanted to find a way to duplicate Pizza Hut's Pan Pizza. Since my dad was never going to let her invest in a variety of pans and experiment with crust types, it meant that she was always going to be frustrated. And it meant that there would be days when we ordered Pizza Hut - or even better, went to eat there.

In our house, there was Pizza Hut and that was it. I don't remember ordering pizza from any other places - except an initial attempt as new companies would launch. This would be followed by our assessment that it was horrible and "not as good as Pizza Hut." [Please bear in mind that we are Florida natives and had never even come close to experiencing New York or Chicago pizza.] The thing was, Pizza Hut WAS good. I remember going to eat at Pizza Hut - they would bring those pies out fresh. And it was so much different than if they were delivered. They were amazing. Remember the BBQ pizza? Good night, that thing was phenomenal. Then they added the Lover's Line - with the Cheese Lover's with any two toppings. It had sooo much cheese on it. I never was as taken with the pan crust as my family. I preferred hand-tossed and thin crust.

When I went to college, Pizza Hut was still a huge element of my diet (what a poor choice of words). Remember the Bigfoot pizza? I would order that all the time. My friends and I would get Bigfoots when we were hanging out - they were such a good deal. And that was when I discovered the Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet. Man oh man. I cannot even begin to remember the number of times we destroyed the Buffet. What was better than dropping five bucks and being able to eat as much as you wanted of the amazing pizzas? Once I moved to Tampa, our ministry kept several Pizza Huts in business. We used to hit the Buffets at least once a week. We had a guy in our group who worked at Pizza Hut and would get us discounts on pizzas for our Bible studies. They were always innovating. The cheese stuffed crust. The triple decker pizza. The cheese bread sticks. The Edge pizza. I personally discovered several new flavors - the bacon cheeseburger for example. I never would order Papa John's or Dominos or Little Caesar's. It was Pizza Hut or nothing.

Then something happened. I still don't know what it was. Maybe it was when Pepsico spun off the restaurants. Maybe it was when Pizza Hut decided to become a glorified fast food joint. Whatever it was, the fact is that Pizza Hut just is horrible now. I keep wanting to give it another chance - hoping that they will get their act together. But it just gets worse and worse. They bring out new items. Eventually we try them. Then we regret it.

One of the biggest problems is that the pizza is greasy. The newer items really suffer from this grease problems. The new Panormous individual pizza is like a giant sponge. Then there is the pepperoni rolls. Now, we all know that pepperoni drips more oil than a AMC Gremlin. The only way to avoid this is actually to put the pepperoni on top of the cheese and get it crispy, which locks the oily goodness inside. (It is weird how the only pizza chain who has figured this out is Donato's. Papa John's actually buries it UNDER the cheese.) Well, imagine locking this oil stick INSIDE of a mini calzone. No, not a calzone. That would imply ricotta and, you know, taste. It is like a roll with mozzarella and pepperoni in it - and then rubbed in lard. So it is greasy on the outside and oily on the inside. But, at least it is balanced, I guess. The sauce also has undergone a transformation. I call it the "antacid negator." I can have take a Prilosec, chew a couple Extra Strength Rolaids as an appetizer, and drink Milk of Magnesia in a tall frosted mug. A few hours later, bang!, a volcano erupts in my stomach. Yay!

Then you have the Pizza Mia! This is one of the worst ideas I have ever seen at a restaurant. It is just like a regular Pizza Hut pizza, except they used different crust, sauce, and cheese. Other than that, it is identical. Carbon copy. While the recent degradation in quality at the Hut may actually make it seem like a complete change is a good idea, when you replace the questionable items with downright disgusting, well that is not a good deal. Sure, it is cheap. But most frozen pizzas cost the same or less and are better. And don't even get me started on their wings.

I'm not sure why Pizza Hut decided to become a fast food establishment. But it did. Now you can find the Hut slumming in Target food courts everywhere. All the pizzas are frozen and get tossed into the conveyer belt attached to a space heater. Seven minutes later, WHAM, mediocre pizza sitting in a puddle of grease. Now these pizzas have a half life of about six minutes. This means that after six minutes it is only halfway food. Instead of melted cheese, liquid sauce, and grease saturated bread sponge, it now looks like a toy pizza. There is no way to customize the pizza at all. The same approach is found at the combination Hut/Taco Bell/A&W/Long John Silver's out there. Mmmmm. Multiple iterations of mediocrity. Taste the dullness. Even the old sit down Pizza Huts are being retrofitted. Instead of being helped by a waitress, there is a counter and a serve-your-own drink stand. And lots of prefab pizzas.

So what happened? No clue. I have no idea if this has paid off financially for the company or not. I just know that every time I eat there it feels like I rubbed oil on my face and set a fire in my stomach. THAT's a winning endorsement, people - especially for a guy who thinks pizza may just have been what the Old Testament calls manna. Whatever. I have plenty of other pizza places to enjoy - like Barnaby's and Decent Pizza and, what's it called, oh yeah, Tombstone.

The Cheese Pizza Conundrum

I have always heard it said that to have a fun and peaceful dinner party, you should avoid discussions about politics and religion. And while that may be good advice, I have noticed that many a good party has been damaged by something less obvious than the chatter. It was waylaid by the actual food served. For, alas, the poor hosts decided to order pizza.

I really believe that the most contentious topic on earth is pizza toppings. You could take a delivery menu into a monastery high in the mountains that has observed a millenia of silence and gets the residents fighting within five minutes. "Anyone in their right mind knoweth that boar goes better on pizza than pemican." I think people are more opinionated about their pizza toppings than just about anything, and they are not willing to compromise. They want what they want and aren't going to choke down nothing else. Even if they say they will "eat anything," they are dirty liars. I'm not talking about ordering pizza from one of those fancy places with funky new wave toppings. Places like that usually have figured it out and have personal sized pizzas. So each person can order their own weird combo at Pizzeria Uno (Chicago Classic with Hamburger instead of sausage) or California Pizza Kitchen (Carne Asada) without bothering anyone else.

I'm talking about the long-standing tradition of having a dozen people over and trying to order pizzas from the local pizza joint for the group. It is worse than negotiating a corporate merger. It is worse than a divorce settlement. It probably has caused a few divorces. There are few things I hate more than ordering pizza for a group. Sure, you can go with the approach some youth pastors have with their 200 person group - 20 cheese, 20 pepperoni, get here on time or don't gripe. But that doesn't usually work for that group of 10-25 people that we usually have to deal with. I have worked in student ministry for so long I have nightmares about ordering pizza. I'll wake up in a cold sweat, "Don't worry, you'll get your five bucks' worth."

You have different pizza people. There is the garbage guy - the one who insists on getting every topping on the pizza. "The more junk the better." His pizza is basically a replacement for a salad bar plate at this point. It has twenty items on it. The structural integrity is completely compromised. Then there is the pepperoni crowd. This is the number one group - they swear by pepperoni like it was in the Bill of Rights. "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of long aged meat sticks." You have the mushroom people - and there is NO middle ground with mushrooms. You either love them or hate them. I don't know people who are ambivalent about mushrooms. It is either, "Oh man these things are great" or "What the heck is this? A tumor?" You also have the fringe people - the heat addicts, the anchovies loving weirdo, the vegetarian, the people who think fruit belongs on pizza, and the no-sauce totalitarians (my kids).

But there is that one group - the cheese only crowd - that becomes the biggest problem. I know because for a looooong time I was in this group. I finally have switched to the "Ground Beef" camp, for the most part. But until recently, I was a cheeser. My wife is usually a cheesehead - except at Donato's (mmm, Donato's. Tearing up.) My father-in-law is a huge cheeser. The thing about this group is that they don't like other pizza toppings. I understand completely. I never have been a big pepperoni lover - too much oil, weird floppy texture. I don't usually get veggies on my pizza - unless it is part of a whim combo. I won't eat mushrooms because who would willingly put fungus in their mouth? You don't suck on athlete's foot. But we'll eat the fungus that springs up in the woods behind our house. And the other meats have been hit and miss depending on the store. Cheese is safe, it is pure, it is easy. It is the same reason why so many people like vanilla ice cream. How bad can you screw up a basic cheese pizza?

The problem is that the other people all will eat cheese, but the cheesers won't eat the other stuff. So you order five pizzas. You get the garbage one for the one guy who swears he'll eat it all, you get two pepperonis for that huge group, one sausage and peppers, and one cheese. What is left at the end of the night? Two-thirds of the garbage pizza, half of a pepperoni pie, a couple pieces of sausage, and no cheese. And not only that, the cheesers each got one slice and are starving - eating potpourri in the corner. Why? Because everyone else went, "And I'll take one piece of cheese," and there was none left. All the toppings crowds get irate if you order too many cheese pizzas - saying it is boring. But they will all eat it.

I used to have to take drastic measures. I would hide a cheese pizza in the oven for the true cheesers. I would pay for my own pizza to make sure I got enough. I would stand there and police the cheese pizza, driving off the interlopers. I made a lot of enemies, but I defended my cheese-loving minority. People would say it was wrong. I would say, "Go eat the one with goat cheese and salamanders - that is what you wanted, right?"

You see the same conundrum played out whenever there is a lot of choices - the vanilla ice cream, the plain milk chocolate, the sugar cookies, the plain potato chips all get scarfed while the more elaborate jalapeno and anise cookies sit there. There is always just a small minority pushing for these items, but a large minority ready and willing to eat them. I am not sure the best way to even deal with the issue. You can always order one extra cheese pizza just in case, but then everyone gripes about the price per person. And that is already ugly enough - everyone wants to gorge themselves and have someone else pay. And I'm sure our government isn't going to be working on solving this any time soon - they're too busy working on health care and running for re-election. So, until then, please try to take care of your plain cheese loving guests. It is the good and right thing to do. It is American. "Bring me your huddled masses, starving and craving cheese pizza." I think I read that somewhere.

Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives

My two favorite vacations I have ever taken were Spring Break of 1996 and Independence Day of 2004. Spring Break 96 consisted of me and my friends Matt and Allen going up to Atlanta. It wasn't anything spectacular. It just was the first time I ever had gone on a vacation on my own. We never travelled much at all when I was a kid, so this was a big deal to me. We had a great time. The 2004 trip was up to Pennsylvania with Heather, Josiah, Natalie, and Heather's parents. It was really neat to see a part of a country that I never had seen before and to spend time with Heather's extended family.

One of the coolest things about the trip, honestly, was the food. I may have written about this before, but I really enjoy food. This may explain why I am considered to large to be a fashion model, Jabba the Hutt stand in, or walrus. But I really do like food. Even if I was thin, I assume I would like food. I enjoy cooking. One of the best parts of this whole change of life has been that I have taken over the cooking. Heather is a great cook. But I like trying out recipes and cooking. I have made some things that I never had before - and they have been good. Yesterday I created a new recipe. I made drop biscuits in a muffin tin and then topped them with leftover mashed potatoes mixed with cheese and bacon. It was like a poor man's version of Pizzeria Uno's Pizza Skins. And they were good.

So my love for food is not just because I love stuffing my face. I enjoy trying things and making things. I like going to new places. As anyone I have visited should know, when I go to a new place I want to "try places I can't go back home." I remember when I went to Australia back in 2000. A bunch of the people with me wanted to eat at McDonalds and stuff. In three weeks, I had BK Lounge once, Pizza Hut once, KFC once. That was it. I made stuff like lasagna and sausages. I went to vendors to try kebabs (which rocked) and meat pies.

Pennsylvania was similar. They had the best cheesesteaks in the world - and I tried a dozen different places. I ate pirogues. We ate at awesome stand alone diners. And I wondered why things couldn't be like that down in Orlando. I thought about and had a theory. Orlando is a very "new" city. It may have existed for a while, but most of it has sprung up as a result of Disney (60s) and UCF (90s). Those places grew after the big chain restaurants had established themselves. So when you drive through Orlando, there aren't unique restaurants. Some areas, you will find some stand alone places - like in Winter Park. These Pennsylvania joints had been open for fifty years and stuff. They had renovated and expanded and changed ownership. But they were part of the landscape. And their strength of reputation had helped them fight off the big companies.

The other reason is that places like that always seem to be cheaper. The big chains say they have buying power, and they do charge less than a lot of places. But they never seem to keep up with these older diners and such. For example, in PA I could get a cheesesteak for 3.99 at several places. Huh? Try seven or eight bucks in a chain. My thoughts are that these older places own their places, equipment, lots. They don't pay astronomical leases. They don't rent their knives. So they have lower overhead. And they are family run, so they save on payroll. Look at the next time a new stand alone comes along. They always are more expensive than the older ones, and more than the chains. Down in Oviedo, Nick's Restaurant opened up right before we moved. We tried it one night and were stunned at how much their pizza cost. You could feed a youth group for the same amount at Domino's. It seems to be the same story at most of the newer places. They are stuck in bad leases, they don't have volume buying, and so they have to charge more.

Well, in Tallahassee I have discovered that it is more along the lines of Allentown. It is an older established city. There are a ton of local places around town. They have carved out their niche, and as a result they have fought off the chains. There are only like four Chick-Fil-A stand alones in Tallahassee. You have to drive to find a Taco Bell. Why? Well, you have to pass five GOOD Mexican places before you hit the Mexican Phone Company. There are four chicken places on Tennessee Ave alone. You don't HAVE to go to the chain places. Sure, they have crept in around town. But there are also a bunch of great local places. Here are some I have found so far:

• 1 Fresh Stir Fry - Our favorite new place. You pick the items you want and they cook it up and give it to you. It is like Macaroni Grill's "Design Your Own Pasta" but better. You can pick rice or noodles. You can make it like Italian, Mexican, Chinese, or Bacon Cheeseburger Pasta. And they serve Pepsi! Best Spring Rolls I have ever had. And it costs $9 for a huge bowl that always give you two filling meals. (Reheats well too)
• La Fiesta - This Mexican place on Apalachee Parkway is like three minutes from our apartment. We all went here last week with Greg. All five Staples ate until we were full - quesadillas, chicken tenders for the kids, enchiladas. $30. I can handle that once in a while. Great stuff. And they serve Pepsi . . . AND Cherry Pepsi.
• Barnaby's Pizza - This is right next door to La Fiesta. Literally share a parking lot. It has absolutely amazing pizza. Braided dough crusts sprinkled with corn meal. Their hamburger topping is one of the best I've ever had. The kids love it and knock out a whole pizza by themselves. My favorite pizza place thus far. And they serve Pepsi!
• Helen's Silver Bullet Diner - This is right next door to Barnaby's. Literally share a parking lot. [Honestly, have you EVER had three epic restaurants located next door to each other? I can't remember this in my life. And I would remember something like that.] Only open for Breakfast and Lunch. Kids meals are all 1.99 or 2.99. BIG portions. I got a double cheeseburger and was embarrassed because I couldn't finish it. Gabe tore into his eggs and sausage. Natalie ate a plate-sized pancake. Josiah had a hot dog and fries. Total bill $24. Yup. And I could have gotten a regular burger and saved $2. They serve Coke, but they have ice cream.
• Decent Pizza - We have only tried one of the Ridonkulously Sized Pizza Slice places around town. (We will try Momo's at some point.) Decent is better than its name claims. Don't pay for delivery, because you get rooked. But carryout is not bad. We got a huge 24" and a "medium" 16 incher for $24. You don't realize just how big those pizzas are. We fed our family and Greg, and had enough for a family of reheats. Plus, their calzones are phenomenal. $6 for a 14" diameter calzone, stuffed with sausage (or whatever). Can't beat that.
• Red Elephant Pizza Grill - This was started by the guy who started Barnaby's. So the pizza is identical. But they have great salads (which Heather loves), awesome soup, and nice sandwiches too. And Greg gets boiled peanuts there - and I watch him eat them. Who would eat wet peanuts? They lose points for serving Coke, though.

It sounds like we eat out a lot, but we don't. Many of these places got tried when we were up here before the move. We go out one night a week and on Sundays after church - maybe one other time during the week. But we have already found six top notch local establishments. And we still haven't tried Pitaria, Momo's, Jenny's Lunch Box, Peppers, or Three Guys from New York. And Greg has a friend who owns a kick-butt bar-b-que place (best homemade sauce I've ever had). I can't remember its name and Heather hasn't tried it. So I didn't put it in there.

So when you are sitting there feeling bad for us for being exiled to FSU, just remember that we are eating well. And when you come visit us, you will too.