Father's Day is such a weird day. When I was getting ready for church today, I noticed that one of the DJs on the local Christian station had posted something about the day. It said that this is a day with so many emotions for so many people, so they would be playing songs of encouragement this morning. I thought about it for a while. Father's Day is not greeted with the same excitement as Mother's Day. I was reading an article the other day that talked about how there is not a major uptick in retail sales around Father's Day. In May, there is a huge bump. Restaurants see a boom in attendance. Churches enjoy one of their biggest Sundays. But in June, there is no noticeable difference. The day in and of itself was not even made a holiday for decades after Mother's Day.
I can understand all of this. Father's Day is a hard holiday for me. I loved my dad. But he was a hard man and there are many very negative memories and emotions tied up in thinking about him. It was always a big struggle to find a card on Father's Day that wasn't a lie and wasn't just cold hearted. So I completely get the fact that there are mixed emotions. As a father now, I get to have my kids get excited about getting me stuff (I got Legos and chocolate this year). I explained how this is a tough day for a lot of people. They sweetly told me how I was a great dad. Inside, I just desperately hoped they would feel that way when they were in their 30s.
There is an epidemic of lousy fathering out there. I recently developed a men's conference for Defender Ministries. We put it on at three different churches. At each one, I would ask the men there how many of them would say they had an absentee father or one they wished was absent - someone who was abusive, neglectful, harsh, unloving. Among the three conferences, about forty percent of all the men raised their hands! A lot of the younger guys out there don't know how to be a dad. They haven't seen it modeled and they are just doing their best to figure it all out. There are many older guys who also have had to transition through massive societal changes - including challenges that their parents never had to face and that they were never trained for. Time and again when I teach at events, I have dads come up to me - begging for advice on how to deal with technology, media, easier access to sexually explicit materials. They never expected to have to deal with that. Shoot, I have gone from growing up when the predominant sport for kids was baseball, to seeing football usurp that, to now seeing football being identified as a dangerous choice. Things change so quickly and dads are struggling to keep up.
It is easy to get discouraged by the picture. As a dad, I know that I am worried about my kids. Am I making the right choices? Am I teaching them the right things? Am I passing on my weaknesses and mistakes to them? I don't know too many parents who don't stress about that stuff. I hope that I am doing the best things for them - and I hope God is merciful enough to help them overcome where I fail (which, trust me, is a LOT). I don't want them just to make it through - barely. I want them to develop all the skills and talents that God has blessed them with and then change their world. I want them to make a difference. I want to equip my sons to become the dads they should be. I want my daughter to be confidant and strong enough to choose a man who will be a good father and husband. It is tough.
However, I am encouraged today. Over the last sixteen years, I have had the pleasure to work with some fantastic people in various churches and groups. Most of these have been college students. And there have been a large number of guys who I have worked closely with, watching them grow from annoying freshmen to (somewhat) mature seniors. [Face it, guys. Many of you were very VERY annoying.] Then I have had the great joy of keeping up with them as they got married and had kids. I also have been thrilled to see them become extraordinary fathers and husbands. In fact, many times I feel very inferior as I watch them parenting the children God given them.
They were not my children, but I felt that I had some investment in their lives. I am not arrogant enough to believe I had anything to do with their becoming these wonderful men. That doesn't change how much I have loved watching it happen. This is where my encouragement comes from. Some of these guys had great male role models, but some of them didn't. Some of them fought an uphill battle in the process of becoming a man. I am beyond proud of them.
As I learned from my recent graduation post, making a list is a dangerous thing because you will ALWAYS forget someone. That is not going to stop me, though. This is to the members of Chi Rho from FBC Temple Terrace, the USF BCM, the college department at FBC Oviedo and FBC Orange Park, and the many college speaking engagements I've had. I want to wish those guys a happy Father's Day. You are doing an AMAZING job! It has been a pleasure to be a part of your lives. And I have loved watching you and learning from you. [If I forget your name, that doesn't mean I have forgotten you.]
So to Toney Sauls, Michael Carter, Joel Fauntleroy, Josh Saliba, Wayne Johnson, Tony Whitley, Ryan Biggs, Melvin McColloch, Jason Gray, Jeff Ramer, Benji Stultz, Joe Pardo, John Scanlon, Jon Peters, Patrick Bailey, Mike Cale, Carey Bonham, Jon Wood, Shaun Gyger, Chad Heinrich, Michael Howell, Ryan Bell, and anyone I forgot. Happy Father's Day, guys. You bring me hope for the future.
Jun 17, 2012
Jun 10, 2012
Sports Frustration
In addition to this, I have apparently developed a nasty tendency to pick team that fail to live up to their potential. This is played out in just about every sport with my beloved UCF Knights. Our football team last year does great, wins its first bowl game, and comes back largely intact. They start off the year great and then proceed to drop faster into the toilet than ... never mind. Then there was the basketball team, which raced out to a stunning record - even beating UConn at one point. They too decided to stink it up, ending up missing the NCAA tournament and getting waxed in the NIT. Then in baseball, they team was ranked in the Top 10 at one point. They actually went into the final month of the season with a chance at hosting a regional bracket. Then after unexplainable losses to mighty Presbyterian and Memphis they starting to list to the side. Then they went into the final weekend with the chance to take the conference title away from Rice - who had won it for 19 years in a row. Keep in mind, this series was AT HOME. Choke. Then they got into the regional in Miami and promptly won their first two games. First seed Miami got booted immediately, which meant UCF had to lose two games to Stony Brook - which, as far as I know, is an apartment complex in Tampa. Now, they had already beaten Stonyfield Farms once in the bracket. And they lost two in a row by a combined score of 22-11. Go Knights.
I have tried to get into hockey. This year I was fervently watching the playoffs. Thanks to NBC's excellent coverage, I was actually able to see my Nashville Predators for all of their games but one. They finally vanquished their nemesis, the Detroit Red Wings. They were one of the hottest teams in the NHL. They had a top-notch goalie playing out of his mind. And they were an outside pick to go on a run and make it to the Stanley Cup (like the Kings ultimately did). So, naturally, they got destroyed by Phoenix and went home early. My other fringe sport hasn't done well, either, with the US Men's Soccer team missing the Olympics all together. Combine all that with the fact that I can't stand baseball, only caring enough to keep track of the Rays, and it spells sports disappointment.
I've been pretty ambivalent about basketball for a while. This year, I literally did not watch a single NCAA tournament game. I think that hasn't happened since I was a baby. Somehow one of my brackets won in one of my groups. How I managed that is beyond me. I would watch the occasional NBA game, but I didn't follow it much. I kept up with the Magic soap opera because the local media covered it with the ferocity of the Casey Anthony trial. [Side Note - what is it with Florida and bizarre trials and news items? Bush/Gore, Anthony, now Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman and the Miami Zombie. There must be something in the water.] I found myself watching the playoffs, though. I would put my usual kiss of death on a team. Once I started cheering for them, they would collapse. Exhibit A: Orlando. Exhibit B: San Antonio. Now we are sitting here, waiting for the Finals to start.
As with most sports fans, I will probably watch some of the series. But I honestly don't have any idea who to root for in this matchup. Between Oklahoma City and Miami, you have just about everything wrong with professional sports on display. The natural villain is Miami. I detest the Heat. First of all, they are in Miami. To my sports mind, if a team plays in Miami, New York, LA, or Boston they automatically are the "bad guys." I can't stand any of the teams from South Florida. Maybe it is because I have unresolved issues with growing up down there, I don't know. Miami has geography against it. The second reason I hate the Heat is because they highlight one of the biggest problems with the NBA - the officiating. More than in any other sport, the refs in basketball can hijack a game. The officiating is deplorable in basketball. There are two sets of standards - one for regular players and one for stars. Things like travelling, fouls, technicals are called differently depending on the name on the shirt. It works both ways, though. Dwight Howard has to get hit with a steel chair before the ref blows the whistle; Kobe Bryant gets blown on and he goes to the line. I hate it when there are two sets of rules. It is like Ancient Rome in the NBA. If you are a player of high status, you can get away with anything.
People will always say that I only say this because I hate the Heat. No, I say this because it is true. This has been part of that team's history for years. When they beat Dallas a few years ago for the title, Danny Ocean wondered how they pulled off that heist. Once LeBron and Bosh showed up, it only got worse. The foul discrepancy in the Boston series was ridiculous. Wade travels on every play. He and James draw fouls on just about every play they want to - and by draw, I mean they draw up an IOU for the ref for $50 after the game. It drives me nuts.
The biggest reason I hate the Heat is LeBron James. I grew up in the day when a player stayed with his team forever. You liked a player and a team and couldn't separate them. That hardly happens any more. Yet, James had the right to go play wherever he wants. And so did Shaq and so does Dwight Howard. But in sports there has always been this agreement between the fans and the players. The players play their hearts out and do their best and are loyal, and we will keep paying the money and heaping on the love. That has always been the way. But that isn't good enough now. These player movements are not about getting a better chance to start or even make more salary. Shaq took less to play with the Lakers than Orlando. LeBron took less to take his talents to South Beach. Howard will make less anywhere else. It isn't even about titles. It is about these other cities give them more opportunities - to act, to get endorsements, to build their brand. That is hard for me as a fan to stomach. I always felt that the way Miami went about getting James, Bosh, and Wade smelled funny. There is no way it was on the up and up. I didn't like the way James left Cleveland. And I don't like the way he plays. To me, he isn't a player I can get behind. I know that there are huge LeBron fans, especially in Florida. But I am not one of them. Ordinarily, that would be enough to swing me into Thunder Country.
BUT
Let's not forget how Oklahoma City landed their team. If Miami is the poster child for how poorly players treat franchises and fan bases, then the Thunder are the poster child for how badly owners do. Seattle was a franchise with a great history. They had won the title. They had been there several other times. There was a rabid fan base. This wasn't some city that didn't support the team. But the owner say an opportunity. He got the NBA leadership to back his play. And he bailed on the city right when they team was about to explode. They had just scored Kevin Durant in the draft and had started to stockpile talent. There was hope for the future. And then they were gone.
I remember when the Colts left Baltimore in the middle of the night in Mayflower trucks. I remember when Baltimore returned the favors and stole the Browns from Cleveland and left them with some pathetic expansion team - and then promptly won a Super Bowl. Owners go to their home city and say, "I am a billionaire. But I am not going to build my own stadium (unless they are Jerry Jones). I want YOU to pay for it. I want YOU to give me tax breaks and special considerations. I want YOU to market my team and support it. I want YOU to put up posters and banners. I want your citizens to cheer for us. BUT, if you don't do that, I will take my team and move to some other city who will." How is that right? Again, going back to that trust between fans and their teams. I will cheer for you if you will stay here and put out a good product. There have been times in the not too distant past where the Magic threatened to move if they didn't get their huge new Amway Center. The Bucs threatened to leave (to Orlando) if Raymond James wasn't built. The Jaguars still are threatening it. It happens everywhere. It just happened with the Minnesota Vikings. Can you imagine the Vikings playing anywhere else but Minnesota? But it almost happened.
So the Sonics bailed on their fans. Well, the players didn't; the owner did. And now Seattle is looking on at this series, knowing that this should have been their team to support. The worst part is that the Thunder are such a fun team to like. They at least present themselves and market themselves in the right way. As Bill Simmons said in that article I mentioned, they are the Anti-Heat. Kevin Durant is the Anti-LeBron. But their ownership is the other side of what is wrong with sports. Basically, you have all three things that make it hard to love basketball at play in this series. You have horrible officials who ruin games. You have players who have no loyalty. And you have owners who are willing to do anything to earn a few extra dollars. Sure, I'm old fashioned and expect too much out of sports personalities. But I'm not the only fan out there who feels this way. Instead of being the highlight of the season, it makes me not want to watch. I'm kind of burned out on being frustrated by sports.
Jun 4, 2012
To the Class of 2012
In August of 2008, I was asked to teach an Old Testament Bible class to the freshman (and a few other students) at International Community School. I started after school had already begun. Really, none of the students knew me. Since they were splitting an enormous existing class, the students weren't that thrilled with the prospect. So the administration came up with the idea of having half of the class with me for the first semester and half with "Mr. Willson" - the current teacher. In January, we would swap classes. I think that ICS figured that this way the class would only have to suffer through a half year of any potential idiocy I could muster and still get at least one semester of quality Bible teaching with Mr. Willson. Fair enough reasoning, in my opinion.
I was terrified. Even though I had a degree in education and had been a substitute for one semester up in Clay County, I never had actually been in charge of my own classroom. I never had developed lesson plans, written tests, or been completely responsible for the education of a group of kids. Plus, there was this looming old coot, "Mr. Willson," that the kids already loved and resisted leaving. I had no idea how sharing a class and working together on an overall teaching/grading policy would go.
It turned out to be one of the happiest years of my life. Mr. Willson, who I now just call Greg, turned out to be an awesome guy and is one of my better friends now. In a bizarre case of "small world," he actually had been in band with my wife in high school. The time teaching was challenging, but wonderful. I loved it. It helped that the students were just incredible. I taught the class in a completely different way than Greg did. Greg taught in an excellent manner, imparting the theological and doctrinal lessons from the Old Testament. I tried to get the kids to think through WHY it was important to know these things - asking an overarching question about the passages we would cover that week. It presented two different techniques to studying the Bible - both equally important. The kids responded well. It was awesome.
I wanted to keep teaching there, but we ended up moving to Tallahassee. I have kept in touch with those students and with the school. I still come back to teach chapels and parent workshops. But I never have been able to have my own class there again - or even substitute teach. It just never worked out that way. What I have been able to do - thanks to the wonders of modern social media - is keep up with these students as they have grown. Each year, a few of my former students would graduate or transfer off to other schools in the area. The main core stayed though. Tomorrow night, I will be at Northland Church to watch these amazing young men and women as they graduate and go into their next step of life. I have spend a lot of time thinking about them lately. I am so proud of what kind of people they have become. If I could say one final thing to them - one final lesson - this is what it would be.
(Imagine this as a graduation address, if you will)
Class of 2012
We are not meant to live life alone. This concept has become more and more real to me over the recent months. Our pastor at church has talked about it frequently. We are created to be social creatures. We were supposed to live life together. You can see this throughout the Bible. God saw man at Creation and said it was not good for him to be alone, so He created a companion for him. God Himself used to walk with Adam and Eve in the Garden, spending time together and talking. When Israel was being established after the Exodus from Egypt, God's laws forced interaction as a community. Their camp was situated that way. Their religious ceremonies and sacrifices were not independent procedures. There was no room for lone rangers.
Fast forward to the era of Nehemiah. In the rebuilding of the walls of the city, it was essential that everyone worked together. Their houses WERE the walls. If one person didn't hold up their end of the bargain or keep their word, the city was compromised. Jesus also promoted this concept of sticking together. He surrounded Himself with friends, He sent the Disciples off in pairs. The Early Church loved and supported each other - taking care of the weaker and less fortunate. Paul repeatedly teaches us of the importance of caring for each other and supporting each other.
In America, we have created this bizarre archetype of the self-made man. He's a lone ranger, a solitary hero. He doesn't need or want any help. He pulled himself up the bootstraps and made everything great happen on his own. This is portrayed in movies and on television in the cop that doesn't need a partner, the hero who won't rely on anyone else, the loner billionaire. And while that may seem like an exciting way to live, it is actually foolhardy. What happens in those movies to the person left to defend themselves? They meet the sharp end of the spear or the business end of a ray gun. They get marooned on a desert planet. It doesn't end well.
That isn't said to discourage you from striking out on your own and finding your destiny. Rather, I encourage that. Find out what makes you sparkle, what makes your passion flare. See where your gifts and talents and love collides. But do not try to do it alone. Why? It isn't because you aren't capable. The one thing that I have learned over the last four years is to never underestimate this particular class of students. You are extraordinary. I am in constant awe of the things that you accomplish. And I cannot even imagine where you will end up. The sky is not the limit - that's dreaming too small. You are brilliant - incredibly gifted with phenomenal brains. You are athletically blessed. You have the personalities that will win over the world. And you have the biggest, most loving, amazing hearts. You reflect the love of God in such a powerful way.
So it isn't that I think that you CAN'T do it alone. It is that I know you SHOULDN'T. It isn't wise. It isn't best. God has brought you together to do even more extraordinary things that you could ever do alone. I have always been so impressed when I have watched you over the years. I have been amazed at how rarely I would see any of you alone. It isn't just Michael - it is Michael, Ben, and Matthew. Art and Kyle and Jonathan. I don't just see Anna unless I also see Kaitlyn. There's Jono and Seth. Susan and Erika. You are always together. While this may be a comfortable way to go through life, it is also an incredible gift. Some people go their entire lives aching for someone to love them. You have been so blessed with many friends who care about you. I love watching your groups interacting. I know that God has brought you together to do incredible things. That is part of His plan for you.
I love each and every one of you. I have enjoyed watching you grow up and blossom into wonderful men and women. And I have been truly honored that you have allowed me to be a part of your lives. Sometimes I sit there and think about how I was involved in one class in one half of one year of your life. But somehow I was lucky enough to still be included for the next three years. You may not realize it, but you all changed my life for the better. You have blessed me in more ways that you can possibly know. I think each and every one of you is so amazingly and uniquely gifted. It has been awesome knowing you. And I can't wait to see what will do in the future - especially as you do it together.
I was terrified. Even though I had a degree in education and had been a substitute for one semester up in Clay County, I never had actually been in charge of my own classroom. I never had developed lesson plans, written tests, or been completely responsible for the education of a group of kids. Plus, there was this looming old coot, "Mr. Willson," that the kids already loved and resisted leaving. I had no idea how sharing a class and working together on an overall teaching/grading policy would go.
It turned out to be one of the happiest years of my life. Mr. Willson, who I now just call Greg, turned out to be an awesome guy and is one of my better friends now. In a bizarre case of "small world," he actually had been in band with my wife in high school. The time teaching was challenging, but wonderful. I loved it. It helped that the students were just incredible. I taught the class in a completely different way than Greg did. Greg taught in an excellent manner, imparting the theological and doctrinal lessons from the Old Testament. I tried to get the kids to think through WHY it was important to know these things - asking an overarching question about the passages we would cover that week. It presented two different techniques to studying the Bible - both equally important. The kids responded well. It was awesome.
I wanted to keep teaching there, but we ended up moving to Tallahassee. I have kept in touch with those students and with the school. I still come back to teach chapels and parent workshops. But I never have been able to have my own class there again - or even substitute teach. It just never worked out that way. What I have been able to do - thanks to the wonders of modern social media - is keep up with these students as they have grown. Each year, a few of my former students would graduate or transfer off to other schools in the area. The main core stayed though. Tomorrow night, I will be at Northland Church to watch these amazing young men and women as they graduate and go into their next step of life. I have spend a lot of time thinking about them lately. I am so proud of what kind of people they have become. If I could say one final thing to them - one final lesson - this is what it would be.
(Imagine this as a graduation address, if you will)
Class of 2012
We are not meant to live life alone. This concept has become more and more real to me over the recent months. Our pastor at church has talked about it frequently. We are created to be social creatures. We were supposed to live life together. You can see this throughout the Bible. God saw man at Creation and said it was not good for him to be alone, so He created a companion for him. God Himself used to walk with Adam and Eve in the Garden, spending time together and talking. When Israel was being established after the Exodus from Egypt, God's laws forced interaction as a community. Their camp was situated that way. Their religious ceremonies and sacrifices were not independent procedures. There was no room for lone rangers.
Fast forward to the era of Nehemiah. In the rebuilding of the walls of the city, it was essential that everyone worked together. Their houses WERE the walls. If one person didn't hold up their end of the bargain or keep their word, the city was compromised. Jesus also promoted this concept of sticking together. He surrounded Himself with friends, He sent the Disciples off in pairs. The Early Church loved and supported each other - taking care of the weaker and less fortunate. Paul repeatedly teaches us of the importance of caring for each other and supporting each other.
In America, we have created this bizarre archetype of the self-made man. He's a lone ranger, a solitary hero. He doesn't need or want any help. He pulled himself up the bootstraps and made everything great happen on his own. This is portrayed in movies and on television in the cop that doesn't need a partner, the hero who won't rely on anyone else, the loner billionaire. And while that may seem like an exciting way to live, it is actually foolhardy. What happens in those movies to the person left to defend themselves? They meet the sharp end of the spear or the business end of a ray gun. They get marooned on a desert planet. It doesn't end well.
That isn't said to discourage you from striking out on your own and finding your destiny. Rather, I encourage that. Find out what makes you sparkle, what makes your passion flare. See where your gifts and talents and love collides. But do not try to do it alone. Why? It isn't because you aren't capable. The one thing that I have learned over the last four years is to never underestimate this particular class of students. You are extraordinary. I am in constant awe of the things that you accomplish. And I cannot even imagine where you will end up. The sky is not the limit - that's dreaming too small. You are brilliant - incredibly gifted with phenomenal brains. You are athletically blessed. You have the personalities that will win over the world. And you have the biggest, most loving, amazing hearts. You reflect the love of God in such a powerful way.
So it isn't that I think that you CAN'T do it alone. It is that I know you SHOULDN'T. It isn't wise. It isn't best. God has brought you together to do even more extraordinary things that you could ever do alone. I have always been so impressed when I have watched you over the years. I have been amazed at how rarely I would see any of you alone. It isn't just Michael - it is Michael, Ben, and Matthew. Art and Kyle and Jonathan. I don't just see Anna unless I also see Kaitlyn. There's Jono and Seth. Susan and Erika. You are always together. While this may be a comfortable way to go through life, it is also an incredible gift. Some people go their entire lives aching for someone to love them. You have been so blessed with many friends who care about you. I love watching your groups interacting. I know that God has brought you together to do incredible things. That is part of His plan for you.
I love each and every one of you. I have enjoyed watching you grow up and blossom into wonderful men and women. And I have been truly honored that you have allowed me to be a part of your lives. Sometimes I sit there and think about how I was involved in one class in one half of one year of your life. But somehow I was lucky enough to still be included for the next three years. You may not realize it, but you all changed my life for the better. You have blessed me in more ways that you can possibly know. I think each and every one of you is so amazingly and uniquely gifted. It has been awesome knowing you. And I can't wait to see what will do in the future - especially as you do it together.
May 9, 2012
Assemble!
I saw The Avengers last night. It was a remarkable movie - extremely entertaining, funny, heartfelt. I was surprised at just how well it was crafted. Today I was watching some interviews with the cast and the director, Joss Whedon. There are some major themes in the movie about the concepts of working together as a team and how flawed individuals can still do amazing things. Whedon was expounding on some of that. He said that in today's world - with the society and economy disintegrating - community is so important. It is crucial. A real man is not defined by the masculine macho stuff he does. He earns esteem by his willingness to live in, serve, and be a part of community.
I've been thinking on this issue for a while now. Our church is big on community. That is one of their core values. On Sunday, our pastor preached on Gideon. He talked about how one of Gideon's biggest flaws was his desire to pull away from others. First, he was isolated due to his apparent weakness. Then, he was isolated due to his success. Pastor Isaac said, "The community will be a blessing to the person who is willing to be a part of the community." He also made several excellent points about how we cannot allow ourselves to put ourselves above the group. We are in this together.
This is not a popular concept in today's world. Well, at least not in America. We consider privacy a God given right. We put our best foot forward. We don't cry out loud. We hold it inside and learn how to hide our feelings. That was never the plan, though. God created us for intimate (close) relationships with Himself and others. We were supposed to be involved with those around us. It was not good for man to be alone. That didn't just mean when it came to marriage. It was a truth about mankind. It isn't good to be alone. Bad things happen when you have to live alone. In movies, you get eaten by the mythical beast. In life, you get eaten by, well, life.
As I've been reading through Exodus and Leviticus. (What? You don't read Leviticus for fun? Who needs 50 Shades of Grey. Go read Leviticus 18.) It has hit me time and again how we were never intended to live life alone and in private. The sacrifices for the nation of Israel were not private. They were out in public in front of all kinds of people. When you had to get something right, it was in the blazing light of day. When you move to the Early Church, things aren't any different. We are told to confess our sins to one another, bear each other's burdens, and share in the journey together. That group of believers had everything in common. I don't think that was just money. It was their whole lives.
I know in my own life I have to go through major trauma or intense struggle before I open up. Shoot, I routinely won't write blog posts on here because I'm worried what people will think. But that isn't healthy. It isn't right. One, I then force myself into an isolating position I shouldn't be in. But two, I also rob others of the encouragement they may be needing in just that moment. How many times have I been struggling with something, only to see a post or a Facebook status or hear a sermon on that issue? Maybe I'm supposed to be that help for someone else. Instead, fear and pride shut me down again. And who is better off from that?
In the movie, nothing could be accomplished until all those broken, severely screwed up people put their own issues aside and agreed to work together. They had to realize that as embarrassing or terrifying it would be to trust someone else, it was the only right choice. We need to come to that point. We are all messed up. We all have issues and struggles. Not a one of us is above help or beyond it. Let's start working together on living life the right way. (Now if I was cheesier, I would try to make some clever twist on Avengers Assemble. But I'm not going to fall into that trap.)
I've been thinking on this issue for a while now. Our church is big on community. That is one of their core values. On Sunday, our pastor preached on Gideon. He talked about how one of Gideon's biggest flaws was his desire to pull away from others. First, he was isolated due to his apparent weakness. Then, he was isolated due to his success. Pastor Isaac said, "The community will be a blessing to the person who is willing to be a part of the community." He also made several excellent points about how we cannot allow ourselves to put ourselves above the group. We are in this together.
This is not a popular concept in today's world. Well, at least not in America. We consider privacy a God given right. We put our best foot forward. We don't cry out loud. We hold it inside and learn how to hide our feelings. That was never the plan, though. God created us for intimate (close) relationships with Himself and others. We were supposed to be involved with those around us. It was not good for man to be alone. That didn't just mean when it came to marriage. It was a truth about mankind. It isn't good to be alone. Bad things happen when you have to live alone. In movies, you get eaten by the mythical beast. In life, you get eaten by, well, life.
As I've been reading through Exodus and Leviticus. (What? You don't read Leviticus for fun? Who needs 50 Shades of Grey. Go read Leviticus 18.) It has hit me time and again how we were never intended to live life alone and in private. The sacrifices for the nation of Israel were not private. They were out in public in front of all kinds of people. When you had to get something right, it was in the blazing light of day. When you move to the Early Church, things aren't any different. We are told to confess our sins to one another, bear each other's burdens, and share in the journey together. That group of believers had everything in common. I don't think that was just money. It was their whole lives.
I know in my own life I have to go through major trauma or intense struggle before I open up. Shoot, I routinely won't write blog posts on here because I'm worried what people will think. But that isn't healthy. It isn't right. One, I then force myself into an isolating position I shouldn't be in. But two, I also rob others of the encouragement they may be needing in just that moment. How many times have I been struggling with something, only to see a post or a Facebook status or hear a sermon on that issue? Maybe I'm supposed to be that help for someone else. Instead, fear and pride shut me down again. And who is better off from that?
In the movie, nothing could be accomplished until all those broken, severely screwed up people put their own issues aside and agreed to work together. They had to realize that as embarrassing or terrifying it would be to trust someone else, it was the only right choice. We need to come to that point. We are all messed up. We all have issues and struggles. Not a one of us is above help or beyond it. Let's start working together on living life the right way. (Now if I was cheesier, I would try to make some clever twist on Avengers Assemble. But I'm not going to fall into that trap.)
Apr 25, 2012
The Episode Glee Needs to Make
I used to watch Glee. I even wrote a review of it on this very blog. Over time, I have become quite disgusted with the show. Part of it is that the showrunners and I have different political views. They have an agenda and push it regularly. I don’t appreciate that. And, yes, that is part of the reason I started to drift away from the show. The other big reason is that I think the storylines, acting, and writing is abysmal. It used to be much better. Now everything revolves around pushing agendas, finding ways to cram popular songs into stories, and creatively coming up with ways to make Darren Criss stay appealing to straight teen girls while he is playing a gay character.
All that being said, Glee has positioned itself as the show most willing and able to actually address important issues with young people. The shows on Disney and Nick are just fluffy entertainment and training grounds for the next generation of teenaged singing actresses. Glee, for all its flaws and faults, is not afraid to address tough teen topics like bullying, teen pregnancy, eating disorders, teen sexuality, texting while driving, and becoming a male stripper. But there is one issue that they have never addressed. The sad thing is, it affects more teens than most of the other issues they have sung about. And Glee is the perfect show to actually broach this issue. So why haven’t they?
I am talking about teen domestic violence. A study by the University of Florida in 2007 reported that 25 percent of teens who have been in a serious relationship acknowledged that they had been hit, slapped, or pushed in their dating relationships. Read that again. TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT. That means one out of every four teens are getting smacked around during their dating years. Another study puts that number at 33 percent. And another has the number as high as 50 percent! Forty percent of teen girls know of friends who have been abused. Compare those numbers to some of the other issues I mentioned earlier. I guarantee they are as high or higher. So why hasn’t Glee even come close to dealing with this?
I understand the basic challenge of attempting to deal with this issue - and probably the reason why Glee hasn’t gone there. The person who becomes violent will instantly become one of the most hated characters on television. It is a throwaway role - not something that could be attributed to one of their series regulars. But, for the storyline to be effective, it can’t just be one of those high school quickie romances. It really needs to be that the character is introduced, incorporated into the group with the expressed plan to turn them into the bad guy. This isn’t someone that is just easily going to be redeemed three episodes later. I don’t think they can even pull a redemptive arc like they did with Max Adler’s Karofsky. In addition, there is a stigma that will follow that actor/character. The fans of the show will probably have trouble separating the two. I know it took me two years of watching Burn Notice before I didn’t think of Jeffrey Donovan saying, “This is what I’m about. Power suit, power tie, power steering,” as the d-bag from Hitch. And I’m a grownup who knows better.
If you want to get right down to it, has there really EVER been a show that dealt with a domestic violence story arc? You have your usual procedural shows that will dabble in it from week to week - things like Law and Order SVU, Blue Bloods, CSI. And there are some news magazines that have focused on it. Of course, Lifetime made so many movies about the topic that Jim Gaffigan once joked that you can’t turn that station on without seeing a woman getting hit by a rod - a strange pull for a station targeted to women. But I can’t remember many series actually having a character involved in an abusive relationship. Roseanne dealt with it in season five, where her sister became a victim of abuse. But I am having trouble remembering other shows - especially ones about teens.
So it is a challenge, to be sure. However, if Glee wants to market itself as a show that pushes the boundaries and deals with the tough topics, then it should address this topic boldly. I know that the Glee showrunners don’t need my advice, but here is some anyway. Next year is going to be one of upheaval. At least half of the original cast is graduating, which means that they will need to have new characters brought in. One of those new guys needs to be the guy. He can either make a play for one of the new girls coming in, or target one of the girls who are sticking around (not Brittany, too easy to write off as a flighty thing). At first, he will be charming and attentive. But he will start to be controlling and rough. It shouldn’t just be isolated to one episode, either. He will become increasingly disturbed. The girl should start withdrawing and having unexplained marks. Then they can have the “big episode” where everything comes to its head.
Now, I know Glee can’t do a “message” episode without suitable music. I even have figured that out. Of course, the obvious one would be Eminem and Rihanna’s “Love the Way You Lie” as a powerful song between the couple. The girl can dip into the country world with Faith Hill’s “A Man’s Home is His Castle” or Martina McBride’s “Concrete Angel” or Shania Twain’s “Black Eyes, Blue Tears.” And there are other choices by Alice Cooper, Nickelback, Dixie Chicks, and Xtina. It wouldn’t be a hard episode to write. You can imagine the ways different people respond. Mr. Schue would get his serious face on and try to encourage the girl to be strong and to sing about it. Emma would have some helpful pamphlets. One of the guys would fly off the handle and go after the abusive guy. It really could be a powerful episode - and one that could open some eyes to the reality of abuse in the average high school. Even I would come back from my self-imposed exile to catch that one.
All that being said, Glee has positioned itself as the show most willing and able to actually address important issues with young people. The shows on Disney and Nick are just fluffy entertainment and training grounds for the next generation of teenaged singing actresses. Glee, for all its flaws and faults, is not afraid to address tough teen topics like bullying, teen pregnancy, eating disorders, teen sexuality, texting while driving, and becoming a male stripper. But there is one issue that they have never addressed. The sad thing is, it affects more teens than most of the other issues they have sung about. And Glee is the perfect show to actually broach this issue. So why haven’t they?
I am talking about teen domestic violence. A study by the University of Florida in 2007 reported that 25 percent of teens who have been in a serious relationship acknowledged that they had been hit, slapped, or pushed in their dating relationships. Read that again. TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT. That means one out of every four teens are getting smacked around during their dating years. Another study puts that number at 33 percent. And another has the number as high as 50 percent! Forty percent of teen girls know of friends who have been abused. Compare those numbers to some of the other issues I mentioned earlier. I guarantee they are as high or higher. So why hasn’t Glee even come close to dealing with this?
I understand the basic challenge of attempting to deal with this issue - and probably the reason why Glee hasn’t gone there. The person who becomes violent will instantly become one of the most hated characters on television. It is a throwaway role - not something that could be attributed to one of their series regulars. But, for the storyline to be effective, it can’t just be one of those high school quickie romances. It really needs to be that the character is introduced, incorporated into the group with the expressed plan to turn them into the bad guy. This isn’t someone that is just easily going to be redeemed three episodes later. I don’t think they can even pull a redemptive arc like they did with Max Adler’s Karofsky. In addition, there is a stigma that will follow that actor/character. The fans of the show will probably have trouble separating the two. I know it took me two years of watching Burn Notice before I didn’t think of Jeffrey Donovan saying, “This is what I’m about. Power suit, power tie, power steering,” as the d-bag from Hitch. And I’m a grownup who knows better.
If you want to get right down to it, has there really EVER been a show that dealt with a domestic violence story arc? You have your usual procedural shows that will dabble in it from week to week - things like Law and Order SVU, Blue Bloods, CSI. And there are some news magazines that have focused on it. Of course, Lifetime made so many movies about the topic that Jim Gaffigan once joked that you can’t turn that station on without seeing a woman getting hit by a rod - a strange pull for a station targeted to women. But I can’t remember many series actually having a character involved in an abusive relationship. Roseanne dealt with it in season five, where her sister became a victim of abuse. But I am having trouble remembering other shows - especially ones about teens.
So it is a challenge, to be sure. However, if Glee wants to market itself as a show that pushes the boundaries and deals with the tough topics, then it should address this topic boldly. I know that the Glee showrunners don’t need my advice, but here is some anyway. Next year is going to be one of upheaval. At least half of the original cast is graduating, which means that they will need to have new characters brought in. One of those new guys needs to be the guy. He can either make a play for one of the new girls coming in, or target one of the girls who are sticking around (not Brittany, too easy to write off as a flighty thing). At first, he will be charming and attentive. But he will start to be controlling and rough. It shouldn’t just be isolated to one episode, either. He will become increasingly disturbed. The girl should start withdrawing and having unexplained marks. Then they can have the “big episode” where everything comes to its head.
Now, I know Glee can’t do a “message” episode without suitable music. I even have figured that out. Of course, the obvious one would be Eminem and Rihanna’s “Love the Way You Lie” as a powerful song between the couple. The girl can dip into the country world with Faith Hill’s “A Man’s Home is His Castle” or Martina McBride’s “Concrete Angel” or Shania Twain’s “Black Eyes, Blue Tears.” And there are other choices by Alice Cooper, Nickelback, Dixie Chicks, and Xtina. It wouldn’t be a hard episode to write. You can imagine the ways different people respond. Mr. Schue would get his serious face on and try to encourage the girl to be strong and to sing about it. Emma would have some helpful pamphlets. One of the guys would fly off the handle and go after the abusive guy. It really could be a powerful episode - and one that could open some eyes to the reality of abuse in the average high school. Even I would come back from my self-imposed exile to catch that one.
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