Josiah Is A Man

The last week has sucked.  A hurricane swirled around in the Ocean, decimating the Bahamas and threatening Florida before wrecking havoc on the Carolina coastlines.  More idiotic and hateful things happened that only serve to convince me that the concept of “love your neighbor as yourself” is completely lost in this day and age.  Oh, and my brother died.  Can’t forget that one.
In the midst of all of this, my oldest son Josiah was rapidly approaching his 18^th birthday.  He’s excited, as he should be.  As his father, I am struggling trying to rectify the truth that my little baby is now a legal adult, preparing to move hours away for college.  Life has been weighing heavily on me for several weeks now as I watched my brother descending in his final days.  Josiah walked up to me in the kitchen on Sunday.  I was standing there, trying to figure out what to pack in an emergency last-minute trip down to see Chris before it was too late.  This beautiful man child said something about feeling bad because his birthday is this week and he was worried it would be a distraction - or that it may always carry the stigma of whatever happened with Chris.  I looked up at him.  He is so tall and strong.  He has Chris’ longer hair and shorter height, with my burlier body.  My coloring and Chris’ aptitude for science.

Tears collected in my eyes and I told him.  “Eighteen years ago, the worst thing that most of us will ever experience happened.  Our worlds were in ruins along with those towers.  And you came along that night, bringing joy to so many as they looked at you and realized that love and hope were still alive. And I have no doubt that your turning eighteen will serve the exact same purpose.  Your whole life has brought joy to us.  It makes sense that your day to become a man will bring joy in the midst of pain.”  Then I hugged him.  Hard. 

When Josiah was in fourth grade (I think), we were experiencing some parenting challenges.  He wasn’t a naughty kid; he’s NEVER been a naughty kid.  He just was growing up and we had never had a fourth grader before.  Especially one that frequently appeared to have left his brain in another part of the house.  We wondered if maybe there was something we were missing - something medically off.  So at his annual checkup, we asked Dr Michael Middleton that very question.  He laughed.  “No.  Nothing wrong.  He’s a very normal ten year old.”  We felt better, in some ways, and we felt irritated in others.  If this was normal, what exactly does that mean for us?  We were frequently at our wits’ end.  Okay, fine, I was frequently at my wit’s end.  Josiah and I are NOT the same people, but we have enough overlapping characteristics and qualities that it can be like dragging the rough sides of two pieces of sandpaper across each other.  I probably made some sarcastic comment (you already figured that, I’m sure).  Dr Middleton looked at us and said one of the most insightful things I had and have ever heard.  It changed how we (I) parented forever.  “You are not trying to raise a good ten year old.  You are trying to raise a good man.  And there are going to be times where raising a good man will cause problems with your ten year old.  But remember the end goal.”  

Go back and read that again.  Brilliant stuff.  America has become an instant-gratification society.  If a football coach doesn’t win in year one or two, he gets fired.  If a company doesn’t make enough money in a quarter, the board gets canned. If a school, church, politician, girlfriend, spouse, kid doesn’t show the results expected, they are tossed in favor of something better.  Thank God Almighty that He doesn’t treat me that way - and that my wife didn’t treat me that way.  We were falling into that pattern with our kids, though.  There were many times where we were getting super frustrated with our two year old or six year old or twelve year old.  They didn’t live up to the image that somebody had put out there  as the way a kid that age should act.  And that leads to exasperation and anger and panic.  

My wife watches a lot of Gilmore Girls.  On repeat, every night, even when she falls asleep.  As a result, I have seen every episode many times - probably more times than she has seen them, actually.  They play when she falls asleep and then they play again the next night when she watches them awake.  And the next one plays when she’s asleep, and so on.  Anyway, there is a storyline with Luke (the Diner owner and Lorelai’s soulmate) and his idiot nephew Jess (Milo Ventimiabdulaoblingata at his most irritating - yes, worse than Heroes).  Jess is a punk.  And the town hates him, deservedly so.  They want him gone.  And Luke finally snaps in a meeting and says, “If I remember correctly, I was a trouble maker and a rough kid.  And I made a lot of bad choices.  But now I don’t think I turned out so bad.  A lot of people made sure I didn’t turn out so bad.  And I am not going to let that kid fall through the cracks.”  THAT is the “raise a good man” approach.  And (spoiler alert), he succeeded.  Jess turns out to be a pretty good man.

All of that is to say my priorities changed that day in that office.  As frustrating as things could be, the goal was to raise a good man.  

So now I look at my high school senior, my legally adult son, and I think Heather and I succeeded in raising a good man.  No, he isn’t a good man.  He is a GREAT young man.  His story isn’t done yet.  He is just starting on the adult path, but I am so very proud of where he is now and where he is going.  He is kind and compassionate.  He hurts when people he loves hurt.  He takes care of us and his sister and his brother.  He gets angry at injustice.  He is not perfect.  But he has noticed areas he needed to improve and he has worked very very VERY hard to do better. His freshman year was rough academically and socially.  But he buckled down and worked hard and got organized.  He took on aggressively difficult schedules, all while doing band.  He practice his instrument every day until he went from being the “kid from South Carolina band” (that was an insult in Texas) to the head of the lower brass choir, district band member, and the de facto leader of his section here in Columbia as a new student.  He passed every AP test with 4 or 5 - meaning he earned college credits in all of the subjects.  He scored high enough on the SAT to assure that a big chunk of his college is going to be paid for immediately - in state or out of state.  And he is pursuing a path towards Vet School.  By all of those standards, he is a success.  He has done well.  

But all of that is just surface stuff.  Lots of kids do that stuff and turn out to be the kinds of people who exacerbate the disease of hatred and ignorance that is destroying our country.  They are the ones who Apostle Paul describes as speaking with the tongues of angels and dining with kings but not having love. THIS is where Heather and I are the most proud of Josiah.  He is a GOOD man.  He cares; he loves; he serves; he hurts; he gives.  A few weeks ago, when my brother was starting to get into bad shape, I got off the phone with him and just sat there on the couch and cried.  Josiah came downstairs and saw me sitting there.  He started crying and came sat next to me and hugged me.  He just held me, knowing that I needed that.  This high school senior who should have an adversarial relationship with his parents (according to most stereotypes) sat there holding his dad like it was his job to comfort ME.  Last night he and his siblings were arguing over who gets to have me and Heather stay with them when we are old.  As he has been considering becoming a veterinarian I have been trying to make sure he understands it isn’t just playing with animals.  I’ve told him he is going to have to do surgery on animals and see animals hurting and put animals down.  He will have to give pet owners terrible news. He has looked at me and said, “Yes I know.  And they’ll need someone like me at that time.”  He’s just like his mother - the doctor who deals with kids with death sentences and fights their disease while bringing them hope, dignity, love.  I have no doubt Josiah will be an absolutely incredible vet.  

Josiah is a collector.  He got that from every side of his family, I think.  He collects Funko Pop figures from Marvel and Jurassic Park and a few other franchises.  It has been interesting as we have watched him start collecting and as he has moved into a serious collector.  He has an eye for things.  He has become a member of that collecting world, contributing on message boards and hunting down pieces he is searching for.  These aren’t always for him, mind you.  He knows what every person in his family is drawn to and knows the exact date every one of those pieces go on sale.  He has searched down exclusive and hard-to-find figures for his parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles.  When you combine that attention to detail and the gift-giving love language, you get a very special present giver.  One of the best stories in his collecting was when we wandered into a Half Price Used Books store in Sugar Land.  He always checks the Pop walls and stands.  This time, he saw a Game of Thrones character that he recognized as pretty valuable.  It was on sale for five bucks.  He got it and then flipped it online for a very exclusive and expensive Marvel piece he wanted and sixty dollars - that he turned into two other hard-to-find items.  I’ve enjoyed watching him (okay, fine, enabling him) as he became a grownup in that world.  This once timid kid calls stores all over, negotiates sales and purchases, and does it in a respectful and thoughtful manner.  He’ll never try to buy out a store’s stock because he knows there is a kid like him who is going to come along and want that piece, and he wants that kid to be able to get it.

I’ve been wrestling with grief over my brother for several days now.  People ask how I’m doing and I don’t always know what to say.  Sometimes I’m numb.  Other times I hurt.  There are times when I am just confused.  Mostly, though, it feels like a part of me got ripped out.  Today was the first day I’ve been alone since this all happened.  I was worried about how it would go.  But I went and sat at my computer to write about my son.  And just like I told him, it brought me joy and hope and healing. When I focused on him and the man he has become and the man he will be, I was excited about the future.  He is going to bring so many people joy in the worst of times: when their pet is sick, when they are brokenhearted, when the world seems to have forgotten them.  He is going to bring them hope.  It is what he always has done.  That’s a man to be proud of. 

Love

My fellow follower of Christ,

I feel it is time for us to have a serious discussion. I have felt uneasy for quite some time about how things are going. I guess I was hoping things would turn around, that they would get better. I hoped that there would be some sort of unity or reconciliation. But everything is getting worse. It is spiraling out of control, truthfully. It kind of feels like one of those old Hollywood bar fights that start between a couple of dusty guys in dusty hats. Then it takes over the whole bar. Eventually it pours out into the street for everyone to see. That’s where we are right now. We are a bunch of drunk cowboys fighting in the street. Shooting and punching and yelling and destroying. It’s not a good look. 

This goes beyond politics, beyond denominations, beyond worldviews, beyond resolutions. This is so much bigger than all of that. It is about the heart - literally - of who we are, who we claim to be, Who we follow. We have divided our attention and betrayed our affections and confused our direction. And we have lost the most important facet of all, the one thing that is supposed to define us. The one thing we were told time and time again that we should pursue. The one thing that was preached from the front of The Book to the end. 

LOVE

If a poll was taken about Christians, if a hundred or a thousand random people were asked what makes a Christian, it is doubtful that love would make the list. That is not our defining characteristic. That is not our calling card. It probably wouldn’t make the top ten. The top twenty. We would get lots of other words: judgmental, closed minded, hateful, intolerant, mean, out of touch, harsh, greedy, hypocritical. But we certainly wouldn’t get love. 

This is so wrong. Even as you read this, chances are good that some of you are already getting angry. You’re wanting to scream at me, to write a vicious comment on the link. “Loving doesn’t mean accepting!” “God doesn’t tolerate sin!” “We are supposed to stand up for what is right.”  It is amazing the arguments we will make to defend our lack of love. It is startling how far we will go to dismiss that commandment. How we will use legal and economic and political and logical treatises to justify our sinful behavior. We will point out all of the other people doing things wrong. We will quote the US Constitution, the Bill of Rights, Atlas Shrugged, Joel Osteen, Stephen Furtick, Donald Trump, Sarah Sanders, Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton, George Clinton. We will use anything we can to justify our NOT doing the thing that we were supposed to be doing. 

From the very beginning, God had some simple instructions. They were woven through the Ten Commandments. They were peppered through the Old Testament. They were preached by Jesus Himself. They were echoed by His Disciples. 

Love God.

Love Others. 

It doesn’t say to be the judge, jury, and executioner. It doesn’t say to be the moral compass. It doesn’t say to be the behavior police. It doesn’t say to wield the most political power. It doesn’t say to dictate financial policy. It doesn’t say to promote your country of citizenship. It doesn’t say to decide your race is better. It doesn’t say to oppress people. 

Love God. 

Love Others. 

We see it in Leviticus 19:18. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

We see it in Deuteronomy 6:5. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

The Ten Commandments can be divided between the ones telling us to Love God and those telling us to Love Others. 

And lest those statements confuse anyone, God went so far as to clarify what neighbor meant. Leviticus 19:34 and Deuteronomy 10:18-19 explicitly tells God’s people to extend that love not only to those like them, but also to the sojourner, traveler, refugee. This was a hallmark from the very beginning. From the first set of laws laid down, God clearly commanded His people should be people of love. 

Deuteronomy 11:1 You shall therefore love the Lord your God and keep his charge, his statutes, his rules, and his commandments always. There is no wiggle room. God demands obedience to His statutes. His statutes include loving others. 

This is echoed over and over again. God demonstrates His propensity for love and demands His people follow likewise. 

Psalm 31:23, , Psalm 33:5, Psalm 100:5, Psalm 103:8, Lamentations 3:22. They all describe God’s loving and patient nature. How He is slow to anger and quick to love. 

Proverbs 10:12, Isaiah 61:8, Amos 5:15. They all instruct us to pursue love and justice and put aside strife and wrongdoing and evil. 

 Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? and abounding in steadfast love It is there in black and white. The characteristics desired are justice and kindness and humility and love. This is undebatable. It is the clearest set of marching orders anyone could require. 

I know what’s coming. I know that the responses of “But that is the Old Testament. We aren’t under the Law. We are under grace. We are not the modern reincarnation of Israel.”  First if all, those protests only come up when it suits our needs. The same person who will reject the Old Testament teachings on things like this will embrace them when teaching on homosexuality or tithing or God being a wrathful God. Second, dismissing the call to love would possibly, maybe make sense if the New Testament veered away from this calling. And that is not the case. If anything, Jesus’ life and teachings ups the ante on the need for love. 

Jesus time and again calls on His followers to live lives defined by love for God and love for Others. His entire purpose for coming is presented in one of the most famous passages in the entire Bible. In John 3:16-17 Jesus tells Nicodemus, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.  Love, not condemnation. Love and salvation, not banishment and death. Jesus came and died out of love. And He consistently taught His disciples to live in the same manner. 

Jesus didn’t get in trouble with the authorities due to His refusal to give up His rights, or pounding the moral drum, or seizing political power. He got in trouble with organized religion because he kept calling for people to Love God and Love Others. That was why they mocked Him, hated Him, and killed Him. They refused to Love God and Love Others. 

Jesus said to ...

Love God

Love God even more than money

Love our neighbors

Love one another

Love our enemies

Love those who persecute is

Love those who hate us. 

That just about covers every loophole. There is no one escaping those descriptions. It wasn’t, “Criticize each other.”  It wasn’t, “Point out everyone’s sins.” It wasn’t, “Attack everyone who disagrees with you.”  It wasn’t, “Push aside everyone who looks different than you.”  In fact Jesus went so far as to tell us specifically to NOT do those things. He told stories that illustrated how we should love people, no matter their characteristics. He demonstrated how to love people of every background and weakness and sin style and belief. From whores to lepers to children to Romans to the establishment to criminals to average guys. Jesus loved them all. 

People were drawn to this Jesus. They couldn’t get enough of Him. Children loved Him. You ever been around kids? They don’t flock to someone who is going to be dark and moody and judgmental. People don’t usually follow a miserable malcontent around all over tarnation. They had never seen anyone like Him. They had never been loved by anyone like Him. They weren’t used to having their petty concerns cared about, their little needs seen as important. They were used to people walking away and ignoring them. People didn’t care if they ran out of wine or if they were blind or if they didn’t have enough money or if their servant died or if their child died. Society kept rolling and everyone was caught up in their own problems and issues. And then Jesus came along and fed the masses when they were hungry. And He healed the meaningless beggars. And He brought the regular people back to life. And He listened and cared and celebrated and mourned and loved them.

Before Jesus left He took Peter aside and talked with him. This man was a coward. He swore he didn’t know Jesus and ran away when things got rough. He hid like a little kid. He was a screwup. He failed so badly, and all after he bragged so loudly. This was Jesus’ opportunity to really rub it in his face. Instead, Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him. He lowered the bar all the way down and asked Peter if he even liked Him. Peter kept saying he did. And each time, Jesus said that if Peter really loved Him, he should take care of people. The ragged lame poor stupid different oddball people. The terms Jesus used were so tender. “Feed my lambs. Tend my sheep.  Feed my sheep.”  You don’t go running up to feed a lamb with a whip, screaming. You don’t tend sheep by getting in their faces and yelling. “What’s your problem you stupid sheep? Why don’t you do this right?” The mantle of loving was passed on. 

Jesus made it as clear as possible in John 13:35. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. People will know you are a Christ follower by your love. Not the fish on your car, not the party you vote for, not the church you attend, not the people you hate, not the things you do, not the things you DON’T do. By your love. Love for others in your family, your workplace, your church, your denomination, your neighborhood, your city, your state, your country, your planet. 

Jesus’ followers got this. It wasn’t unclear to them. That is why Paul’s Epistles are flooded with verses telling us to love those around us. ALL of those around us.  There are so many verses to pull up. However, the  most famous passage about love comes from Paul in 1 Corinthians 13. Read this and see if it sounds like Christians today. 

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.  So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

That should make us fall to our knees, begging God and everyone around us for forgiveness. It should make us delete our Twitter account and start over. It should make us re-examine our Facebook and Instagram profile. It should make us take a long hard look at how we treat those people different from us. The ones with different colored skins. The ones with different beliefs, different lives, different incomes, different nationalities. How can a people that clearly called to love be so willing to hate? To discriminate? To marginalize and abuse and hurt and wound and kill? 

Even Peter himself finally got it. He actually sums it up quite nicely.  1 Peter 2:17 Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. And in 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins  No one is omitted from this list. Not people who wrong you, not people who rule you, not people who betray you. No one. 

The final word on love comes from John, Jesus’ closest Disciple. His book of 1 John is a dissertation on how much love should be a part of our lives. In chapter four, starting in verse seven, he goes through and again clearly explains that it is impossible - yes, IMPOSSIBLE - to follow Christ and not love people. 

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.  In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.  By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother

This is as plain as it can get. We should be people defined by love. But we are not people defined by love. This is wrong. It is sin. It doesn’t matter the situation. There is no scenario where we can escape this calling. And there is no way that we can argue with this.  And there is no one out there who can just nod his or her head and say, “Yup. Good points. I’m nailing it.”  Every single one of us should be heartbroken at how poorly we are representing our Lord. We should wail out in sorrow at the people we have led astray due to our hate and prejudice and callousness and selfishness. If we truly want to see this country, this world to change, we have to stop fighting and start loving each other. We have to stop striving for power and start loving. We have to stop attacking and start loving.  We need to stop pushing agendas and start loving. Love is the only thing that will make a difference.  

Love, 

David

1 Corinthians 16:14. Let all that you do be done in love.

7.0

I have been absent from the blog for a while.  Oh, you didn't notice?  I did.  I had a plethora of things that I wanted to write about.  I even started on several of them.  Their half-formed bodies litter my hard drive and blog dashboard.  Writing is hard.  For most people, it isn't physically exhausting.  It can be for me, since I have medical issues that affect me when I sit and type for long periods of time. But, overall, it isn't nearly as physically challenging as, say, logging or road paving or bear wrestling or excavating.  It is emotionally wearing, though.  Any artist will testify to this.  When you are creating something like music, writing, painting, sculpture, you are putting yourself into that effort.  The media you use may be clay or paper or virtual interweb bits.  But the true material is a piece of yourself.  You birth an idea in your head and decide you want to share it with others.  That idea gestates during the rumination and creation process.  Finally, it is birthed into the public eye.  Many of these ideas are miscarried, though.  Sometimes, the idea is just flawed and not worth completing.  Other times, the artist is afraid that it isn't worth putting out there.  So it gets hidden away with all of the other incomplete ideas to probably never be visited again.

My biggest challenge when writing is getting past that hurdle.  I will start off like gangbusters, typing like crazy and busting gangs.  Then I will hit a wall.  The words may not flow as easily. I may not have as much time to sit and type. Whatever the reason for the pause, immediately the doubt seeps in and squelches the project. I worry that my opinions don't matter, my view on life is pointless.  People don't care.  There is enough garbage flying around in virtual space already to distract the masses and my contribution is only another piece of trash on the heap. So I stop.  I have a couple of dozen blog posts sitting there unfinished. In my Dropbox account, I have an outline for an entire series of young adult novels. Sitting.  Hoping someday I will return.

I am fighting this and working hard to ignore this debilitating process of fear and doubt. So over the next week or so, I hope to actually finish some of the things that I have started and not seen through to completion.  It is important to me to do this; it may be helpful to someone else as well.  So I begin with a very personal post.

On Tuesday, I saw my doctor.  This is where the number in the title comes from. About three years ago I was diagnosed with Diabetes.  This was one of the most humiliating events in my entire life.  I've dealt with Rheumatoid Arthritis for well over a decade now, but that is something that I had no control over. My weight battle has been well documented over at the Darth Fatso blog, but even that I can sort-of justify as a product of bad genes.  But diabetes? That is straight up my stupid fault for eating like a foraging raccoon college student for my entire life. It isn't like I don't understand diabetes.  My father was diagnosed with it and didn't try to control it as well.  He got all the way up to insulin injections, thinking the medication would  make up for his undisciplined eating habits. I've seen friends and family dealing with both Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes, but none of them triggered any permanent changes for me. Even after my initial diagnosis, I never stuck with an intelligent approach to make dietary changes. I'm an American, dang it! I may make a few changes here and there and keep them up for weeks or months.  But soon enough, I would be back drinking Mountain Dew and sneaking cookies, like a whirling Tasmanian Devil of self destruction.

My physicians did a great job trying to control diabetes in a person who was not compliant.  I took my medicines religiously, hoping like my dad that they would fix the problem I wasn't willing to attack. One medicine, two medicines, three medicines. Each one would see a brief drop in my blood sugar numbers, but the number would creep right back up. Increase the dose, increase the other dose. Slight dip in the numbers. Bounce back up. Finally three months ago, my doctor had reached the end of options.  My a1c was 10.7.  For those of you who are not up to date on the diabetes lingo, 10.7 is awful.  A1C is not confused by having a bad breakfast or drinking one soda.  It is a measurement of three months worth of behavior and it is incontrovertible.  Normal A1C in a  person is between 4 and 6.  A person with diabetes needs to aim to get below 7.  Mine was 10.7.  So my doctor said the words that terrified me.  "I don't really have any more options, so you need to see an endocrinologist and start insulin." Crap.

To me, insulin was the ultimate disaster. In my family, when my dad was dealing with his diabetes, insulin was always dangled as the outcome that would occur if he didn't get his act together. He thought he could use it and be able to do whatever he wanted. But that wasn't correct.  If it ever got that far, then I knew I had failed miserably. I figured once I was on it, I would never get off of it. So that day, as disappointed and frustrated as I was, I made a choice.  I decided that before I had to start jabbing ANOTHER needle into my body, I was going to actually make one legitimate attempt at fixing things the right way - the way I should have been all along.

I went home and threw out all the cookies and ice cream; I poured the soda down the drain.  Next I went to Costco and bought things that would help me to make a legitimate effort.  Then I started actually taking my blood sugar every morning and on some evenings, to see where things were.  At first, they were bad.  Whooooo.  But I started to see numbers drop, and I got excited. I kept it up through Valentine's Day and Easter.  Even on my birthday! I had my normal breakfast, wings for lunch, steak for dinner.  My big splurge was having a baked potato with dinner and a cupcake sized cheesecake.  No leftovers floating around, so no temptations. And I've behaved the entire time - no cheating. For three months straight, I was as disciplined as I ever had been with food in my life.

I went to the doctor and she was asking me the usual questions, but remarked, "You seem much more relaxed today."  I told her I was excited to see my numbers.  I could tell she was a little hesitant, thinking that maybe I thought I was doing better than I was.  And also my morning number was often higher than she wanted, but the rest of the time everything was perfect.  She went out and got the results.  I heard her say, "WHAT? Really?" out in the hall.  Then she came back in with a little smirk and said, "I know you've been excited to see this.  It was a 7.0.  That's in range!" She was so happy for me (and I was happy for me too). "Just keep doing what you're doing."  I asked about the morning numbers being a little high some days.  "I would just keep doing what you're doing. It obviously is working."  It was the first time that I felt GREAT leaving a doctor's visit where my weight and diet were discussed.  Even when I lost a ton of weight back in Tallahassee, it always felt like a prison sentence.  And doctors still would say stuff like, "You still need to lose a little to get to your goal."  Uh, 100 pounds, dude.  Not good enough.  The crazy thing about this time is that I've only lost maybe 12 pounds.  I know I've lost weight - my clothes fit better, I can wear 3XT shirts, people I work with online have commented about it.  It just isn't a huge number.  And I'm okay with that.  My goal was to lower my sugar and I did that.  And I can maintain that.  Now I can start adding in more exercise and other things to help myself even more.  But I accomplished a goal finally in a way that worked for me.

So, what did I do? I know that somebody out there is struggling with this same issue.  And I want to help if I can.  I have been in those appointments with doctors and nutritionists where they give you a huge book and guidelines that seem absolutely ridiculous.  "Eat a piece of chicken the size of a deck of cards."  You're kidding, right?  I drop that much for the dogs when I'm cooking.  "Eat 7-10 servings of vegetables a day."  If I was open to eating that many vegetables, would I even BE HERE!?!?  This is what I did. It wasn't approved by a doctor or a food guru.  It was my attempt to do something I could handle long term to actually make changes.  Here is a list of steps that I took, that could work for you as well.

1. Fight one battle at a time.  For me, I decided the blood sugar fight was the most important one. So I have not been measuring calories or portion sizes. I have focused strictly on eating in a way that will keep my sugars balanced, which I believe will ultimately help with everything else. You may have a different thing that is pressing for you.  Choose one.  My last serious attempt at losing weight was very successful for a whole year.  But then it completely unraveled because I had done everything at once, very strictly. And when one part started to fray, the whole thing came loose.
2. Carb/Protein Balance.  This is the easiest food guide ever.  15 carb to 6 protein.  Match those up.  15 carbs is 1 carb serving; 6 protein is 1 protein serving.  If you are going to eat carbs, you need to eat protein too.  Then limit the carb servings you have - I usually won't do more than 3 at a meal.  How you generate those carb servings is up to you. But be careful! Unless you are actively looking at labels, you will GROSSLY underestimate how many carbs in are in things.  I've seen hamburger buns with 5 or 6 carb SERVINGS in one bun. There are some foods that are life savers, which I will detail in a little bit.  By just having those foods WITH your carb serving you help your sugars. This is still EXTREMELY restrictive based on our normal diets and will take some major upkeep.  I've gotten used to taking half of a bun off of a burger, dumping the contents of a taco out on the plate, asking for half rice servings places.  All of those things will help.
   
3. LifeSaver Food.  Greek yogurt is my lifeboat.  You may not like yogurt, but I love it and always have.  My breakfast every morning is vanilla greek yogurt with peanut butter and banana mixed in.  For snacks, I'll grab a yogurt in the afternoon.  If I want a dessert, sometimes I'll grab a yogurt.  And there are so many kinds and flavors. My new favorite is Tillamook brand.  Their coffee flavor (only available at Target, as far as I know) is dynamite. READ those labels, though.  Not all Greek yogurts are created equal.  Some of them will have more carbs and less protein.  I try to pick one that gives me two protein servings in one cup and only one carb serving.  They are out there.  Other lifesaving foods.  Cheese.  This is a huge benefit, grabbing a cheese stick or a pack of mozzarella balls.  Add cheese to your sandwich or meal.  Meat sticks.  If you like jerky, knock yourself out.  I'm not a big fan, plus they have a surprising amount of sugar.  But I have discovered different kinds of dried sausages - Duke's is my favorite.  Three sticks have 9 protein and 1 carb.  That's my jam.  Nuts. Again, read those labels.  I like macadamia nuts, and Costco sells some good big containers of those.  I also like almonds.  And there are lots of new products catering to high protein, low carb diets.  I found a thing of Blue Diamond blueberry almonds the other day that is a 1 carb to 1 protein serving pouch.  Delicious.
4. Don't Skimp on Products.  My big discovery on this came with peanut butter.  Go ahead and admit it; you've been judging my peanut butter for breakfast comment.  I put two big ole spoonfuls in there.  Sometimes I will just take a spoonful out and eat it in the middle of the day.  Shocked? Disappointed? Go read your peanut butter label.  I'll wait.  (Hey Katie.  How are you little doggie? You're so cute.) Back? Surprised? Yeah, I was too.  Peanut butter has a GREAT amount of protein and NOT a lot of carbs.  And it doesn't have to be that nasty natural stuff with a layer of grease on top or the low fat one nobody will eat.  In fact, there is hardly ANY difference between the different brands and variations.  There certainly is not enough for me to switch from Jif to all natural, crushed in the store, tastes gross stuff.  When you are picking your items, you may not want to go with the off brand.  I'll tell you what, HEB brand yogurt sucks.  It is truly awful.  Publix brand is amazing, as are all things created by Publix.  (Moment of silence for those separated by miles from Publix.)  Is it worth it to save 10 cents on a yogurt you won't eat? Find something you like and get it.  Same thing if you find a specialty protein product that costs a little bit.  Like, take Real Good Food enchiladas.  This company is brilliant.  They use chicken and parmesan cheese to replicate pizza crusts and tortillas. Their cheese enchiladas are wonderful, but they cost like 4 bucks a box.  "Oh my gosh! I don't want to spend 4 bucks on a frozen meal."  No, go spend 9 bucks at McDonalds.  If it keeps you on track, go with it.  Another great option is Stubbs frozen bbq meat.  The pulled pork version is soooo low on carbs, but it is probably the best pulled pork I've had in Houston.  Yeah, I know.  Not saying much, but whatever.  
   
5. KICKSTART. Soda was going to be the hardest thing for me to give up. It isn't because of the caffeine because caffeine doesn't even affect me at all.  This is one hundred percent true.  I can drink an energy drink or coffee right before bed and just go right to sleep.  In fact, it seems at times to have an inverse affect on me where I get tired when I have too much.  Mountain Dew makes these Kickstart energy drinks and they just introduced a "Original Dew Flavor" version. And it tastes virtually like real Mountain Dew.  It is a little over 1 carb serving (80 calories), but I usually have it with a meal, so it cancels out with my usual abundance of protein. (There is a Ultra version of this with Aspartame and 0 calories.  But I can't drink Aspartame.  So I haven't tried it.) I've also found some coffee drinks that are 1 carb to 1 protein. HEB redeems itself with its 100 calorie mocha iced coffee on this.  You can even have Starbucks skinny drinks - again, don't skimp and demand skim milk unless that is how you like it.
6. Be Kind to Yourself  This may be the hardest of all.  We all know how cruel our own heads can be, so don't be surprised when your brain starts berating you all the time about all the things you've done wrong -- or you're afraid you've done wrong.  For Easter, I had part of a dark chocolate bunny because it was a special occasion.  Then I gave the rest to my kids.  For my birthday I had a cupcake. The other day I wanted Reese's Cups, so I got a small two pack and ate them with dinner.  None of those things destroyed my efforts.  In fact, I will often purchase an ice cream novelty item to have at the house for days when I really need/want something like that.  I don't buy a bucket of ice cream because I'm not a total moron. But I will sometimes get Tillamook or Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches or Yasso yogurt pops. I know what the carb to protein ratio is in advance and know that I'm okay taking the hit. Sometimes we just need to do that. I still have pizza once in a while.  But it is once in a while, not as a regular menu item. And I have changed even how I order it or what I order to ramp up the protein on it to offset the crust. And I eat fewer slices as well.  I still eat burgers (with bun modifications) but don't eat the fries.  You still can have stuff you like - just be smart about it.

I am not even beginning to say that I have everything figured out.  Nope nope whole lotta nope.  But I have had some short term success with very sustainable changes.  So, maybe that will be something helpful to someone - well before they get the gut punch at the doctor's office. 

Majestically Natalie

Ain’t no thing like me except me

- Rocket Raccoon, Guardians of the Galaxy

For what is a man, what has he got

If not himself, then he has naught

To say the things he truly feels

And not the words of one who kneels

The record shows I took the blows

And did it my way

- Mike the Mouse, Sing (and Frank Sinatra)

I went back this morning and read the last birthday blog that I had written for Natalie. It was the Tomboy Princess, and I wrote it eight years ago. It was very interesting to see how much things haven’t changed with Natalie, and how things have changed very much. Since I have neglected writing about her for so long, today - her 14th birthday - seemed like a good time to rectify that situation.

Trying to describe Natalie is like trying to describe the taste of Butterbeer.  (Yes, the Harry Potter reference was intentional.) That wonderful drink that has been brought to life at Universal Studios Wizarding World of Harry Potter brings such complexities. There is shortbread, butterscotch, caramel, cream, cream soda. But even throwing all of that together doesn’t really paint the picture. Trust me.  Go try to make your own using one of those "Butterbeer just like Universal!" recipes and realize none of them work.  Where was I? Oh yeah.  Natalie is like that. Any attempts to describe her actually miss because they limit her. Pointing out a certain quality makes you think the opposite quality is not there. But that assumption would be false.

For example, Natalie claims to not like talking to people. She will often ask me to order for her because she doesn’t want to talk to the waiter. But, she gets upset when Gabe doesn’t say hello to the teachers in carline. And she will straight up respectfully disagree with a teacher in front of an entire class without a second thought. How can a person be so timid and so bold? Because she is Natalie.

From her arrival in this world, Natalie has done things her own way. Actually, from before she arrived. She was situated breach in her momma. The doctor tried to get her to flip, and it appeared like she had the day before her arrival. When we got to the delivery? She had rolled back around, just to be ornery. As a baby and toddler, she was fiercely stubborn and independent, and unbelievably clingy. This has been her M.O. for her entire life. She combines so many things that seemingly should never match. She is brilliant, but has trouble memorizing lists. She is highly opinionated, but also follows inexplicable popular trends. She is an artist in drawing and baking and singing and violin playing, but she will go long stretches not wanting to do any of them.

Natalie realizes all of this and doesn’t really care. She actually embraces it. She openly will say she is awkward and joke about her gaffes. She plans on doing color guard next year in high school, but then will describe how she sees it going. She will begin the performance, only to have it stopped a few minutes later. The director’s perch is on fire, kids are laying on the ground bleeding, people are impaled with flags, she is standing over by the dumpsters. The directors are yelling, “Natalie stop! You have run horribly amok!”

I have never really met someone who appears to be so comfortable in her own skin. Being her parent, I have heard those moments where she is doubting herself. But most of the time she is proud of who she is. She celebrates herself in her entirety. That is a lesson I have never learned.

This picture is something that fit my daughter perfectly: majestically awkward. Not everyone is the same. The world needs graceful swans and powerful eagles and awkward flamingos and shuffling penguins. I love how Natalie recognizes this need and even revels in whatever form she takes. It is little wonder she is drawn to exceptional creatures: unicorns and mermaids. She is Natalie - take it or leave it. Thankfully, more people want to take it. Those over the years who have left, they have missed out.

As my sweet girl has grown into a lovely lady, I am routinely taken by surprise by her beauty and poise. She will come out of her room for school, wearing a very fashionable outfit and wearing it well. Her new haircut only has served to enhance her natural beauty and accelerate her maturity. I will just smile at her and say, “You’re pretty.” Some people would demurely turn their heads. Others would try to refuse the compliment. And some others would soak it in. Natalie goes her own route. She pulled her head back so she creates a double chin, makes a dumb facial expression, and gives herself buck teeth. Then she squawks, “Thanks.”  That’s just like Nat. She takes a tender moment and turns it on its head.

Natalie also has developed a very strong view of the goings on in the world. She is a strong proponent of women’s rights - even getting into spats at school defending her position. She believes that everyone deserves to be treated well, regardless of beliefs or coolness factor. She doesn’t stand for mistreatment and injustice of herself or anyone. This has led her into conflicts with teachers and students, but I would rather her stand up for her convictions than go the easy path. I doubt most fourteen year olds have enough awareness of the world around them to even think about these issues, let alone have strong opinions on them.

I have strong dreams and desires for all of my kids. With Natalie, I’m so extremely curious as to where she will end up when she is grown. I would not be surprised at all if she ends up famous, changing people all over the world. I also wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up living on an island, running a little surfboard and coffee shop. She would fit either track well and would keep on being her unique and awesome self. I know one thing for sure: she will do it her way, like nobody else can.

A Sick Silence

No more games, I'm a change what you call rage

Tear this muthafudgy roof off like two dogs caged

-Eminem 

I admit it is ironic to begin this with an Eminem quote, but it accurately describes how I am feeling this morning. As we all are probably aware, the topic of sexual harassment has been at the forefront of our country’s attention recently. First, we saw the powerful Hollywood magnate Harvey Weinstein taken down by the sheer magnitude of his behavior towards women. Then we saw the rise of the “me too” awareness campaign - as women everywhere tried to show just how widespread this behavior has become.

There have been the expected responses. We have had media outlets seeing an opportunity for clicks, leading to them generating as many tie-in stories as possible. We have seen the contrarians seeing an opportunity or clicks, leading them to throw up their attempts to diminish the validity of the topic. I’m never surprised that some troglodytes emerge from the woodwork at these moments, just to prove there still are backward thinkers around. We also saw the usual mass of people freak out who, up until this particular news broke, were perfectly fine letting Weinstein continue to mow his way through the female population of Hollywood. That is always amusing and annoying - celebrities tripping over themselves to condemn a person that most of them knew was doing something wrong.

This whole song and dance is so common, and such an easy red herring. People love jumping all over the (mostly) liberal celebrities who now must express outrage at a big-time Democratic donor. We see posts and blogs and tweets shooting at how both sides handled it. The battle builds so much that it is easy to forget WHAT exactly the argument was about. You know, like the whole National Anthem kneeling fight. The saddest part of that whole kerfuffle is that the extremely important issue that started the protests (systematic racial discrimination and mistreatment) is completely ignored.

Well I am not going to let that happen. The issue is out there, so let’s deal with it. There have been some really thoughtful pieces out there on the topic of sexual harassment in the last few days, and I don’t pretend to bring anything revolutionary to the table. But I’ve been trying to be more consistent in voicing it when my righteous anger is stoked. This offering doesn’t get any clever allegories or poems. It is about as straightforward as can be.

The status quo in this country is that women are routinely marginalized, harassed, and demeaned. They make less money. They have more difficulty climbing the work ladder. They consistently have to deal with guys who believe it is in their rights, as men, to say and do whatever they want to women. These men are protected by their status in their company, church, community. Women have gotten to where they feel they have to just accept this as the way things are. And the only time something is done about it is when things are grievously out of proportion to “the norm.” I have no doubt that Harvey Weinstein would still hold his position if it were not for the sheer volume of accusers. Even still, the more extreme accusations are met with some doubt. Rose McGowen’s claim that Weinstein raped her was uncomfortably ignored or refuted in favor of more exciting names on lists.

This is WRONG. The “good old boys’ club” mentality is wrong. The “dirty old man” mindset is wrong. The “scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” exchange is wrong. The “how far will you go to get the job” question is wrong. The “little bit of humor” excuse is wrong. The “she was asking for it” defense is wrong. It is all wrong. It was wrong back then; it is wrong now.

Of the Highest Value

It is wrong that my thirteen year old daughter had to sit in her health class last year as the teacher taught the girls what to do to avoid rape and never even mentioned to the boys to, you know, not rape people. It is wrong that she was ridiculed and attacked for speaking up about that unfair standard.

It is wrong for my brilliant wife to have to be talked down to by male doctors just because she is a woman. It is wrong that when she walks into a patient room she is assumed to be a nurse. It is wrong that patient’s father’s say how cute the female doctors are. It is wrong that she will make less money because of her gender.

It is wrong that my female coworkers have to consistently deal with high school and college boys hitting on them during classes and events online. It is wrong that these boys think they have to right to write sexual comments to them, just because they are women.

It is wrong that women are taken advantage of at car dealerships and repair shops. It is wrong that attractive women are treated differently than other women.

It is wrong that females in journalism - especially sports journalism - have to not only prove their skills and knowledge, but also show off their legs, cleavage, rear ends, and voluminous hair. It is wrong that still after all of that, they still have to hear how cute and funny it is to hear a woman talking about pass patterns.

It is wrong that a woman wanting to break into movies or music or the entertainment industry in general has to at some point take her clothes off to get a job or advance her career or be taken seriously.

It is wrong that women are not believed when they tell people about this harassment. It is wrong their character and clothing and choices come into question instead of the person who really did something wrong. It is wrong that women know that it is so difficult to actually get anything done on this front that they don’t even bother. It is wrong that this is so prevalent that I would be hard pressed to find a single woman who could say “not me” instead of “me too.”

I would hope that we all can agree that this is wrong. I would hope. People do not deserve to be treated this way. Women do not deserve to be treated this way. This is something that should be universally fought against - something we can all agree on for once. Which is what makes this next part so painful to me.

There has been one group that has been largely silent through this, one disgustingly and disturbingly quiet group. That would be Christians, especially men. I have seen only a smattering of Christian men standing up and joining in the chorus of those crying out, “This is WRONG!” There have not been a series of tweets from Christian leaders decrying this behavior. Did Franklin Graham echo the sentiments of how women should be treated better? No. But he did use his twitter account to again promote Donald Trump - another ADMITTED sexual harasser. What about the former reverend and governor Mike Huckabee? Did he use his status to stand up for women? No. But he did make a completely classless joke via Twitter about Harvey Weinstein piloting Flight 666 the other day. You don’t like the most traditional elements? What about Joel Osteen? Did he speak out? No. Steven Furtick? No. Matt Chandler? He talked about domestic violence, so he gets a half point. Tony Evans? David Jeremiah? Chuck Swindoll? Charles Stanley? Andy Stanley? Craig Groeschel?  No. Let that soak in for a minute.

I’m guessing some of you are pretty uncomfortable right now. Some of you are probably pissed off at me that I am pointing this out. Don’t give in to the temptation to attack the messenger. Think about it. Why is this the case? Why would all of these church leaders who have such a massive influence over the evangelical masses in America not take a stand on this? Why would so many Christians follow their example and stay conspicuously silent? These are very very uncomfortable questions and the answers are even worse. These are the answers I came up with. And none of them are pretty.

1. They don’t believe this is actually happening. Sadly, I think there is a potential for this to be somewhat true. I used to go around to churches and talk to them about internet safety and purity and I’ve had church leaders tell me to my face that there isn’t a problem at their church - an hour after a different leader told me about multiple incidents that happened THAT week. The Church has been known to jam its head into the sand on issues. But I find it very difficult to believe that as a whole the Church doesn’t believe this is happening. And IF this is actually true, then things are much worse than anyone could imagine. 
2. This is traditionally a liberal/Democratic issue and something they don’t want to align with. I think there is a lot of truth to this. Having spend as long in the Church as I have, I have seen many issues that were discarded because they were promoted by the wrong party. We live in such a divisive society right now that people feel they have to take stands based on party affiliation. The big problem, to me and a lot of other Christians, is that it isn’t so simple any more. There are issues that I care about on both sides of the aisle. And this is one of them. To reject an issue just because it is from a donkey instead of an elephant is unacceptable. 
3. This strikes to close to home to the biblical patriarchy, male leadership, and biblical roles of manhood and womanhood. Personally, I think that this carries a lot of weight with a lot of people. They are concerned that taking too strong of a stand on the issues of female objectification and sexual harassment could lead to attacks on the entire issue. Ok. I can see that there would be concern there. But does that mean we continue to stay silent on a very disturbing issue? This has been a major issue for the Church for a long time - from Copernicus to slavery to tax reform. If Christians are truly supposed to be promoting the tenants of restoration and unconditional love and grace, how can they turn a blind eye to an entire GENDER being marginalized and debased? In addition, being a leader doesn’t mean being a pig. A man does not have the right to act in this manner regardless of his status. Isn’t that the very thing brought to light by the Weinstein incidents? A man in authority using his authority to demean others. There you go. If you want to be a leader, men, you should be the FIRST to lead the way on this attack. Show your sons the right way. Lead society away from this behavior. 
4. They don’t want to pull on this string because they know it will be disastrous. I have a queasy feeling that this plays too much of a role in why there has not been a wider Churchwide response.  As we are already seeing, this snowball is turning into an avalanche in the entertainment community.  An Amazon Studios exec has been fired due to his sexual harassment issue.  More and more stars are coming out and talking about what happened to them by people not named “Weinstein.”  Heads are going to roll on this. You can’t take a stand on something like this and then not do a thorough examination of your own house as well.  What would that show? I am quite confident that there are a massive number of stories that could flood out from churches where this kind of behavior was the norm. But, I think this goes even further than just the fear of pastors losing their jobs.  I think it goes right to the very top. A very large number of evangelicals threw their lot in with a professed sexual harasser.  I don’t think you need me to remind you of the multiple quotes from President Trump over the years that indicated that he practiced this kind of behavior. What happens if the Church takes a stand against this? How can they say this behavior is unacceptable and then turn around and support someone who practices it?  Things can unravel quickly.
5. They don’t think that there is anything wrong with what is going on. Of all of the reasons, this is the most stomach-churning, but the one I am the most confident actually contributes to at least some of the stonewalling going on. I would be willing to guarantee that in churches across the country, there are members who are sitting there saying, “Look at how sensitive people are. Back in the old days, this was just normal behavior. Women knew that this was just guys being guys. They didn’t get offended by it.” This guys may be deacons or prominent church members or even staff members. It is the same truth associated with why churches have been hesitant to speak out about racial equality, to speak out against white supremacy.  The ugly truth of the situation is that there are too many racists, too many misogynists sitting in church pews for the Church as a whole to take a stand against behavior like this. It is a horrible reason, but one that I know exists. I know because I have heard it in churches since I was small. I have seen it happen as long as I’ve been in church.  

I know that some people will be furious at what I am saying here. They will say that this is not the venue to air these grievances. They will say that I have no right to attack the Church like this. To that, I say that this is the perfect time to address this.  Let’s shine a white hot spotlight into the dark corners of the Church. I am not attacking the Church out of hate; it is out of love. I want this behavior eradicated. I want the people who claim to follow Christ to actually look like Him. What did Christ look like? How did He treat women? He was revolutionary in his treatment of women. In a culture where women were seen as property, He gave them value as a person. In a time when women were ordered around, He spoke gently and kindly. In a world where women had little hope, He gave them a vision of a place where they would stand tall. Don’t you DARE tell me that Jesus would look at the way women are treated in this world, by our churches, by our men, and nod in satisfaction.  “Yes. This is exactly what I envisioned.” That is not the message of Jesus Christ.  I am ashamed of the fact that the Church has turned a blind eye to people who need it the most. I am disgusted that the quietest group of all should be the ones leading the way. I am sick over the silence that shows that the Church is more of the problem than the answer.